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I would like some critique on my characters. If you find anything that you think I could improve on, please let me know!
I'll link 3 characters but feel free to look at the others! I apologize if there's an easier way to link characters, still kinda new to this site.
For Dakota, I would say they are a relatively basic character. I'm glad you are trying to bring attention to the LGBTQ+ community, but this character is admittedly a bit…underdeveloped. How do they use their hands and body to speak? Why did they leave home after her father committed suicide? I know you said they couldn't stand being there anymore, but why. delve deep into their feelings on why they felt the need to leave. Also, I don't understand the whole part where they meet Cole and stay there. Why does she have PTSD? You have good ideas to start, but you need to delve deeper with them. Right now it just seems like a very general description of any sort of person.
I'll try them!
Ok, Dakota! I see you didn't put anything in identifying marks. Identifying marks would be like 'Has a scar on the palm of her hand' or anything like that! You also mention Cole a couple of times. Who is he to her? Whats their relationship like? Explain! :D I see you also skipped 'prejudices.' A prejudice is a 'preconceived opinion that is not based on any actual experience.' So maybe she hates a certain race from what she has heard growing up, not actually know how they really are. Maybe she hates the number 13 because it is unlucky lol. Prejudices are one of the few things that make a character seem more human! I think she is still a bit underdeveloped though…
I think she is a pretty solid character! Just a few things to touch up on and I think she'll be good!
Now, Kaden! You say he can change his hair, eye, and skin color to any color. When does he change it to a certain color and how? Is it natural? Is it magic? Hmm, his mannerisms don't make much sense. A mannerism is a 'habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' For example, 'he bites his fingernails when nervous,' or, 'runs his had through his hair when thinking' and things like that! I guess the things you have can also work as a mannerism though! You also mention Talia a few times, who is Talia to him and are they important to the story? One of his talents is 'slight shapshifting,' then what can he shapshift? Also, you say one of his personality types is Mature, I don't think someone very mature would be possessive or malicious so you might want to fix that. You say that he doesn't eat, then what does he live off of? Does he not have to eat and chooses not to, or can he just not eat?
He is also a pretty decent character! Just a few of the same things to fix as on Dakotas!
Ok, Karla! First, she is a bit underweight. The average weight of a 5'5 female is 125-150 lbs! Especially if they have a bit of fat or muscle~ And how did she get the scar over her face? I'd really like to know! Why does she have a prejudice that no one can be trusted? What made her that way? Why does she fear for her daughters saftey? Who does she think will hurt them? She is a pretty good character!
Anyways, good luck with your characters and story! Hope I helped!
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@mistress-0f-n0ne The reason they are basic underdeveloped is she is one of my newer characters. I did try to elaborate on her hand and body movements and her reasoning for leaving her family. I also fixed the whole Cole meeting and changed her PTSD to depression, since I believe it makes more sense.
@Celestial-B With Dakota, I did give her an identifying mark and most of her history with Cole is in her background! I also gave her a prejudice.
Now for Kaden, I went into more detail with his color changing power (which is the slight shapeshifting since I don't really know what else to call it.) I fixed his personality type, thank you for pointing that out to me! I also explained more about his eating.
Lastly, I fixed Karla's weight! Most of the other critiques (like how she got her scar, her prejudice, and her daughters' safety) I have planned out but I'm still writing the story she (along with Dakota and Kaden) come from!
