Notebook.ai

Dusting Off My Bab(ies)y

@CharBar forum 7 comments schedule
@CharBar

Unfortunately, over the past few months I haven't put much work into my two main characters. I would like to clean them up a bit, but can't find inspiration despite the fact I know they need it. I want to write these characters into my stories with as much humanity to them as possible. Please keep in mind I have hardly touched them in the last 9 months.

I'd love it if one of y'all could look over one or both of my babies and tell me what the diagnosis is. Constructive criticism and feedback is wanted but nO BuLlYiNg please, thank you.

Oze-Oze McBean
Maxwell-Maxwell Winston Sage

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@evastardust groupRRAAAARRL
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Oze:

  • First off, platinum and sandy blonde are very different shades. Platinum is almost silvery, and sandy is, well…sandy…
  • How did she get her scars?
  • From what I'm aware (though I may be wrong), you have to be 18 or older to get a tattoo. Again, could be wrong.
  • What type of glasses does she have? Full or half frame? Wire rim or plastic rim?
  • I'd add a few more flaws/go more in depth to the ones she has
  • I would put cartography and archaeology as hobbies as opposed to talents, unless she's unnaturally good at them
  • So for religion I think she'd be agnostic, which if I remember correctly is 'undecided on if they believe in God/a god, maybe there is one, maybe there isn't'
  • What type of hat?

Maxwell (Eyy I have a Maxwell too!!)

  • 7 feet is pretty uncommon, especially for a 17 year old.
  • I stan his hair (pun fully intended)
  • I'm confused by his body type, you say he's chubby, and then that he's flat, and then skinny, which doesn't seem to add up? If it makes any difference, I rarely see heroic guys in books who are chubby
  • I recommend elaborating on his flaws
  • It says that he thinks all sports but swimming are useless, idk if this is like a regional/national thing but where I live, track is considered a sport. Again, it might just be a Wisconsin/U.S. thing.
  • By Norse, do you mean that he believes in the Norse gods?
  • Yeah dude, pistachio ice cream is the good stuff!
  • K so his height makes more sense now, but it's still very tall for a 17 year old. Maybe it's just because I literally have no comprehension of height, but yeah.

All in all, quite good!
However, I can't take the name McBean seriously, idk if that was your intention but…yeah….

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@Cookies group
  • From what I'm aware (though I may be wrong), you have to be 18 or older to get a tattoo. Again, could be wrong.

I think you can 16 with a parents permission? but also I could be wrong, I'm neither 16 nor do I have a tattoo

@WaffleWizard

I googled it. It really depends on where you live, though it seems like a lot of places will allow minors to get tattoos with written consent or the presence of their parent/guardian

@CharBar

hiya Jynnie, thanks for checking them out, I really appreciate it. I just read through their bios again and both of them sound like they were written by a 10 year old lmao. Both of them are a work in progress, and I love the feedback. As for the tattoo, I believe you can legally get it with a parent or guardian's consent at 17. I'm not sure yet how I want it to be incorporated, but I have this idea floating around that her Uncle/Grandfather is a retired tattoo artist who had visited The Opposite before?? Idk, as I said its a huge work in progress. Thanks!

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@evastardust groupRRAAAARRL
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No problem!!
I would also recommend to capitalize and punctuate in your bios, mainly because I'm a grammar freak but because it also looks more professional/writer-y if that makes sense.

@CharBar

Yeah, I was going to get to that lol