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How to write a moving scene

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster group yeet forum 7 comments schedule
group

At the beginning of the novel, The heroine and her family move back to their hometown during Christmas break but when I write it down it's really dull and mostly based of the heroine asking are we there yet, The mom getting annoyed, her brother ignoring her, How to spice this scene up, I suck at describing stuff

Here's an exert
“We there yet,” I said for at least the tenth time,

“Sophie, how many times do I have to tell you, we’ll be there in a little bit,” Mom said, “Do something to distract yourself.”

Do something? What am I even supposed to do, My phone just died and there’s no charger, Michael refuses to even look at me, Am I supposed just take a nap or count clouds

I guess it’s worth a shot

book

Emotion. Describe what's going on outside and in. Show what she's feeling. Let the readers feel the buzz in the air. Let her notice how the others are reacting.

group
@Starfast group

I think you could start by switching the font? Maybe it's just me, but I can barely read it. Also, I tend to associate tHis KiNd oF aLtErNaTiNg tExT wItH sArCaSm.

book

Hey look a new thing. And I can barely read it. Maybe do it regularly?

group

I think you could start by switching the font? Maybe it's just me, but I can barely read it. Also, I tend to associate tHis KiNd oF aLtErNaTiNg tExT wItH sArCaSm.

I tried to differentiated the text to make it stand out, I changed it back to normal

book

Okay. Describe more. Rarely is just dialogue good.

eco
@Anemone eco

Personally, when I try to make a scene more emotional, I take from personal experiences I've had. I'm not saying an experience with the exact scenario like the one your writing (unless you can) but like, you've been ignored before I'm sure (not that I wish that for you, it just happens.). How did you feel? Describe that feeling. Or even describe the scene she sees as they travel and what she thinks of it or how it makes her feel. There's actually a thread that could help you a little in practicing that.

A big tip that I give often, and that I myself struggle with is show don't tell. Honestly, just a bunch of telling can make a story fall flat and become uninteresting. Also, be sure to capitalize and punctuate properly. Might I add that your heroine seems to be a bit impatient and annoyed herself in this scene, so she may exaggerate things a bit more.

Also! Watch your past and present tense usage. You kinda switched mid-excerpt.

Hope this helps a little.