I can help you create believable characters [Still open, haul 'em in!]

Could you check out my main?

@alanye Okay cool! That makes sense. I really like your story's premise, it would be awesome if you published (then I could read it hehe).

And @Cryptidswearingcrocs and @Evelena, I promise I'll do your characters later today!

Hi! Would you mind checking out these characters?

Andrea: Andrea Davis
Ethan: Ethan Grant
Luke: Luke Steele

@Cryptidswearingcrocs The link you gave me is still on private, so I can't look at it yet.

@Evelena Here I go!

• So first off, what's a Sylph and what kind of traits does being one give her that make her look a little different from a regular human? Or does it change her looks at all?
• I think the mannerisms are pretty good! You did give a couple of personality traits in there in stead of just physical quirks / movements, but the personality traits make the physical habits make sense. I think the mannerisms section is there so that readers can distinguish your characters from each other in more ways than just hair color and personality. It's cool to be able to bring your characters to life the way that real people are (have you ever looked across a huge room and seen someone from behind, but you just KNOW who it is by the way they stand there or just fidget or walk around? It's cuz you're used to their mannerisms).
• "She wants to leave behind her life at Terrana and go anywhere but there." I think that's a pretty short-term goal. It definitely IS a motivation, but what does she want beyond that? What does she want for her future? And this part, "She has a hate for any noble of the Sylph world unless they prove themselves otherwise," seems like it belongs in the prejudices, which I see that you have.
• Headstrong AND a pushover at the same time? You also said before that she's quiet but outspoken. I think you might have to explain that one a bit more. :P And you might be able to come up with some more flaws if you look at what her personality will do in conflict. Maybe she says things all the time that she doesn't mean (or does, I guess it doesn't matter) and hurts people's feelings a lot. Maybe she's always intentionally rude to the Sylph nobility.
• Out of curiosity, where'd she learn to do archery and throw knives? And does she have talents other than physical strengths? She doesn't have to have other talents, I'm mostly just curious. :P
• I like her hobbies. XD But why does she like stealing from the humans?
• Okay so now she's outgoing and shy… I'm guessing you're trying to make a contrast between her family persona and her public persona? Still, I think that's need to be described a little bit more for it to make sense.
• That fear of rejection thing would go well in the flaws section. That can affect a lot of different areas of her life.
• So I see you didn't add any history. That's a good place to tell her story before the happenings of the book, and to solidify her personality (explaining what happened to her to make her a certain way) and stuff.

Overall, I like her. I think she's already pretty solid. I think you could just do more with her, you know? Just keep fleshing her out until she jumps off the page!

Kat, I can do yours later, since right now I'm busy. Sorry for making you guys wait!

Crap,sorry!Here's a public link:

Sorry for not getting back to you guys! My laptop has been broken and it's hard to go back and forth between tabs (and click through all the different pages on a character profile) on my phone. It would take forever if I tried. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon, though!

I AM BACK IN BUSINESS! I believe @Cryptidswearingcrocs is next, so here I go.

@Cryptidswearingcrocs So here are my thoughts just as I go along:

• I LOVE ALLITERATIONS. They just give a sense of wonder to a story. Great name.
• How short is her hair exactly? Above or below the shoulders?
• You put "Minor scars and cuts on various places, mainly at her arm" for Identifying Marks, so will those scars be the first thing people notice when she gets within their sight? Is that her "identifying mark"?
• What's a "shoulder pose"?
• "A medium hid from her village by her father, with only certain letters written by Jameela, directed at her father to keep her going. She escapes and finds herself saving another medium,Jonah, as she seeks out Jameela to free her from the void." WOAH that was a mouthful. Now I'm super curious. Care to elaborate?
• Prejudice means "preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience," so a "justified" prejudice would technically not be a prejudice. I think it's fine to put these details in this section (as long as you don't call them prejudices in the actual book), because where else would you put that information? Still, I think you might want to add something else. All humans have some sort of natural prejudice, and some are mature enough to have grown out of it (but it'll still come out every once and awhile). My personal prejudice, for example, is deciding to dislike a person who likes something that I hate. I'm getting better, but it just feels natural to think that a person is bad simply because they have a favorable opinion of something I hate. I know it's absolutely baseless though, since having a difference of opinion does NOT logically mean they are a bad person. Unless, of course, it's a matter of good and evil (yes, morality tends to be a grey area, but everyone can agree that there are black and white issues that are ingrained in every person. Take basic human rights, for example. Everyone knows that murder is wrong, those who don't are psycho).
• For some reason I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around her being a "natural" pickpocket? I feel like being "naturally" fast, quiet, or stealthy would make more sense, but pickpocketing is something you have to learn how to do, I believe.
• Her hobbies are super fun and relatable, which is great. And by relatable, I don't mean "common" or "non-unique," she just seems like a normal human being. That's good, because I prefer characters that speak of what it is to be human, rather than characters that are so "special" that they just don't feel human anymore. I like her. :)
• "None exactly, though she is spiritual and believes in a form of God, but is mostly bitter about his existence." FINALLY! Sorry, but I feel like most of the profiles I've seen on here have their characters as either atheist or agnostic, without anything else explaining their mindset. Believe it or not, most humans on earth are religious, spiritual, or believe in something greater/higher than themselves. It's actually natural for humans to "believe" in something in that way, as history back over ten thousand years shows. What you wrote here is how a LOT of people feel about "God," and I just like that you have a character like this.
• "She's heavily anti-government, due to being held captive by them for a long period of time." Sooo is she an anarchist?
• No occupation? What does she use her fighting skills for? Where'd she learn them? Why'd she learn them?
• "She appreciates farm animals," meaning, she likes them cuz they're tasty? Lol, if that's the case, my main character's section says basically the EXACT same thing. Great minds. :P
• "she entertained herself by learning how to read using letters sent by Jameela Atif to her father" She taught herself how to read with only letters? Is that possible? I feel like the only way to teach yourself how to read is to watch television with subtitles. Or, but this would be hardly doable, being able to associate some words with some pictures. But that wouldn't make you literate, I don't think…

So overall, I like her! The story sounds super interesting, it's cool how I'm already hooked on the plot based on one character's profile.

@Lightningclaw13 Alrightyyy, time for your characters!

So first, Ayana:

• I actually don't have any problems with her! She's really young, so I wouldn't tell you to add much else. But it depends on her importance in the story, I guess. She's a very believable seven-year-old, I feel like you did a great job balancing her horrible past and her childlike nature.

Lily:

• So about the eye color, I think the term for golden yellow eyes would be amber eyes. True amber eyes are probably the most rare eye color in humans, too. Do you think that maybe having two of your main characters have rare eye colors/conditions might be too much of a coincidence? Or does that have something to do with the plot?
• What's the blindfold for? Does she wear it because she's blind? Was she born blind?
• I also feel like she should have more hobbies than just listening to music and hanging around Karla and Ayana.

Karla:

• She has a rare eye color, too!
• I think she needs more hobbies, as well. Unless she has a job that takes up most of her time.
• THIS STORY. WOW. All of the details of this is really unique, and I've seen that Tristan has been listed as an arch-enemy on everyone else's profile?? So curious. ON TO TRISTAN.

Tristan:

• His weight seems kind of low, given that you described him as really muscular.
• OH. MY. GOSH. This is such a cool character and story. My eyes kept widening as the story unfolded (and you only shared the set-up!), starting with Ayana. It seemed like an innocent story at first, but now…

So the one question I have is about the year this story is set. Is this set in the 1000s on Earth, or on a different world you created?

You've done a really good job with them. I couldn't find much to critique, since I felt like the information you did give was consistent and interesting.

Oh shoot! I'll do your characters soon Kat, don't worry.

@Masterkey
Thanks!
I've actually developed the story a little further, so basically the character has been changed a bit since, which I didn't write in their profiles a bit,but thank you!
By natural pick pocket, I mean she's quiet and fast, and got better by time!
And yeah, she didn't learn how to read through Jameela's letters, she learnt how to read at school,of course, before being locked away!
So basically, I really need to update her profile.

@Lightningclaw13 You're welcome! And those seem like good changes. Happy writing. :)

@Cryptidswearingcrocs Haha I was worried about that happening, since I was gone for a month. :P But I'm glad you were able to develop your story more!

Here I go with your characters, Kat!

Andrea:

• My first impression of her is good so far! Only thing I see in the Looks section is the identifying mark. I think that that section is there so that characters within the world can differentiate each other. Something similar to this is how a general rule for designing cartoon characters is that if all of them were silhouetted, anyone would still be able to tell them all apart. Their physical attributes need to stand out. That's a little more drastic than what writers need to do for their book characters, but it's sort of the same concept. What exactly makes the reader and the other characters know when a certain character is coming? Maybe it's the tall, pink feather in his hat that everyone sees above the crowd. Maybe it's that bad limp in her right leg. Maybe it's the royal purple he always seems to wear. So that, whenever another character is looking across a huge room and can barely see them, they go, "Oh, yep, that's Sandra." You know what I mean? If that scar is pretty huge and Andrea always wears shorts, THEN I think it would be an identifying mark. If not, maybe it only is under certain circumstances? (ps, I personally think it's fine to have no identifying mark, too. That in itself could be an identifying mark, lol. My main character is kind of supposed to look super ordinary, so he doesn't really stand out much in a crowd based on his looks. I feel like I'm sounding super contradictory right now. XD)
• Good mannerism, but I feel like there could be more here. This is very similar to what I was talking about above, how giving your characters physical quirks can help the readers and the other characters differentiate each character. Josh is always bouncing, Michelle is always smiling, Sebastian is always blinking his eyes really twitchy for some reason, whatever. And the magic happens when you never explicitly state something like, "Suzy always mumbles under her breath, it's a habit of hers," but INSTEAD do the whole "show don't tell" thing and just let your readers pick up on these physical habits. I think it can definitely be more than one mannerism, too, which is why I said I felt like there could be more for Andrea. :)
• The rest of her "Nature" section is great. She's so real, well-rounded, not a super straight-cut person that follows too many "personality" rules, she seems human! I like her a lot.
• Aww just a classic favorite animal right there.
• Oh… a love triangle, I see. XD

Ethan:

• First thing, I think he might need to weigh a little more if he's a super hero. He's six feet tall AND has muscle, ya'll.
• Again, same comments about the identifying mark. And I noticed they are both scars. :P Scars are popular on here, hehe. (Story time: my best scars are not even cool. When I was little, I got my ankle run over by my sister riding a tricycle because she was chasing me after I stole her baby doll. And then just a few months ago, I burned a strip of my arm in the bakery of a grocery story I work at trying to save like six batches of cookies. Decided to not record it as an "incident" or call the incident hotline cuz I hate paperwork. It ended up oozing a lot, and I bought some bacon band-aids that I still have and cherish. THE END)
• Ayy, this time your character has TWO mannerism. Noice.
• So wait a second… is he one of the nine kids that survived the Genesis experimentation? And he and Andrea just so happened to live near each other? Maybe it makes more sense in the book, but this seems like a handy coincidence. :P Nothing necessarily wrong with that, I just happened to notice.
• All his talents are fighting stuff, but is he talented in his hobbies, too?
• Again, you made a very solid character that feels real and distinct from your other characters. That's really important when writing.
• He and Andrea are roommates?? HMMMMmmmmm, lucky boy. ;)
• His fave animal is the same as hers??? Aww
• WAIT A DARN TOOTIN' MINUTE. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT HE AND ANDREA WORK TOGETHER AS SUPERHEROES BUT THEY DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER'S IDENTITIES? You probably thought I'd say, "You're copying Miraculous Ladybug!" but I'm not gonna say it. Instead, imma say, "I love this kind of story."

Luke:

• Oho, a love interest/villain. Very nice.
• Same critique about the weight.
• Probably the best mannerism section so far. That "brimming with energy" thing could manifest itself in so many ways. Try to brainstorm some specifics, so that the narrator doesn't have to say he's "brimming with energy" all the time (show don't tell).
• Okay, so the motivation is good but I feel like it should go deeper than that. Unless he's maybe whacko in the head, I think most people have long-term dreams/goals, even if they themselves don't realize it. And it's good to give your villains some depth that make your readers relate to them on a human level. Maybe he has a hole in his heart that can only be filled by love, but he goes searching to fill it with all the wrong things. Maybe he has a sense of duty to make the world a place he thinks is good, but goes by the motto "the ends justify the means." I dunno, just throwing around ideas.
• "Accumulated a good deal of knowledge and talents from his clones, jack of all trades." Woah, I've never even thought of that kind of possibility with cloning! That's super cool, I hope your incorporate it into your story a lot.
• I really like this idea of an anti-villain.

So there you go! I like a classic superhero story, it seems good from the little I've seen of it. Hope I was helpful, and happy writing!

Thank you so much for your feedback! It was very helpful :)

Just wanna say it's awesome that you're doing this
anyway here are my 4 mains if you don't mind:

Could you critique my character Rie? Here's the link; Rie Katayama

I promise I'll get to these soon! June has been really busy for me and I've basically been pretty inactive on here, but I haven't forgotten!

These two are the main husband/wife duo in this musical I'm writing… could you take a look at them?
Louie:

Cynthia:

can you critique my character Pan?
I don't have a lot on him, but

Who here still needs the critique? I know I've left this sitting for awhile, so your characters might have changed by now. If I don't get an answer soon, I'll just go in order. :)

Hi, I would appreciate you taking a look at one of my characters. She isn't finished yet, but I would like to know if I'm doing well with her development. Ramira Melsi Sapenti

Who here still needs the critique? I know I've left this sitting for awhile, so your characters might have changed by now. If I don't get an answer soon, I'll just go in order. :)

I do!

Who here still needs the critique? I know I've left this sitting for awhile, so your characters might have changed by now. If I don't get an answer soon, I'll just go in order. :)

I’d love some critique!

Are you still open to critique? Your critiques seem really in depth and I'd appreciate your opinion on my 2 main characters.
Tasper: Tasper Heol
Nyir: Nyir Heol

Okay I'll get right to it with those who replied recently (in the last two days). If you submitted your characters before then (a few weeks ago or more) and still need a critique, just let me know! I'm doing it this way so that I don't get lost in old critiques that people don't need done anymore. :P

I submitted my characters a few weeks ago, here are their links if you need them again!!

Louie:

Cynthia: