I'll Critique your characters!

the story takes place after a nuclear winter and the world is rebuilding itself, Frostwick is in Alaska, and the government is hiding all technology (magic is accessible bc of radiation) because they are afraid of destroying the world again

also i just opened it from private to public so that shouldnt be a problem lol

Alright @SavvyWrites !

First, she is a bit underweight. The average female her height should weigh somewhere between 120-160 lbs if they are of average weight and fitness! Her identifying mark is freckles, but where does she have them? On her face? Arms? Shoulders? Everywhere? Her mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms, more of her personality. A mannerism is 'A habitual way or gesture of speaking or behaving.' So for example, some common ones are 'Bounces legs when nervous,' 'Paces when thinking,' and things like that! Her motivation is revenge, but revenge on what or who exactly? And why does she want revenge? The flaws she has now are okay, I think you should give her a few more though! She only has two, and no one has only two flaws lol. Here is a list of flaws I like to use when creating a character! –https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/. Why does she prejudice against combat wizards? What does she honestly dislike about them that make her prejudice them? What happened to the rest of the Carson family and why is she the only one left? Is that who she wants revenge one? Whoever did that? Her background is pretty bare. You don't mention much about her early life, which is all what backgrounds are for! Did she have any siblings? Any pets? What happened in her life that made her so distrusting? What happened to her family? What was her relationship like with her parents and possible siblings? How old was she when all that happened and what did she do afterwards? Any close friends? Why does she want to be a illusionist?

Hope I helped you some! Good luck with your character and story! <3

haha im still a newbie writer, and this has been very useful, i wont be answering this in the character profile, but her parents and town were killed by combat wizards, and thats why she wants revenge, all of that is in my scratchnotes, she is underweight for a reason, and the reason is that she is in an Alaskan-esque habitat, and food is bare sinec the earth has just started becoming habitable, thanks so much for the critique, and i will happily use all suggestions

Can you critique Petree? She's my best character so far, but I'm still new to notebook.ai, so maybe I could use some critique.

If the link goes to someone else and not Petre-Holea Gussteff, please tell me.

@Celestial-B I didn't put anything for her weight because I feel no need to mention it, but I suppose she'd be about 180-200 lbs.. As for the good at talking in front of crowds, it's more like she lacks anxiety in front of a lot of people or under pressure, so she can easily give a speech even though she doesn't necessarily enjoy talking. I didn't put in much in her past as not much happened, but I can easily go into more detail. I didn't put much about what happened to her parents with the demons because that happens towards the beginning of the story. I can't really add it to her backstory as it isn't technically her backstory if it happens during the story. I am planning to add a story summary later on about what actually happens in the story.

Thank you for the critiques. I'll be sure to take your criticism into account as I work on her character more.

I've noticed that you are crazy good at critiques, so I'll submit the love interest, Alex. What do you think? Alexander Oliver Thistleton

@Celestial-B Madeline is literally a midget yes. And I chose to keep the killer a secret since that comes into play waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay later on into the story and I wanted to keep some things ambiguous. Thanks for the critique :)

ok here's mine: Araceli

@Celina Qu Sure!

First, how long is her hair when it is in a braid? To her shoulders? Lower back? Higher? Lower?? And where did she get that scar on her arm? The mannerisms she has now are okay, but I think you should give her some more. The two she has right now are kind of small mannerisms. Like, how often does she even get to talk about her enemies to call them that? I think giving her some like raising her eyebrows when she speaks and things like those. I found a thing full of character mannerisms and habits that I use when making my characters! –http://martzbookz.blogspot.com/2011/10/mannerismshabits-for-characters.html. No motivation?!?! But that is like the heart and soul of every character! That is the whole reason for the entire story basically! Why is she doing what she is doing in the story? If your character has no motivation, then I suggest remaking them into a entire new character, sorry for being so blunt lol. Even if its something like 'They want to live a full and happy life.' That is still whats pushing them in the story, to reach their goal! I think you should give her some more flaws, or at least go more in depth with them! No one only has 2-3 flaws! Her prejudice is a bit confusing. How does she like everyone if shes pretending to be nice but she really hates everyone? And why does she hate everyone exactly? Her background is also a little bare, I think you should explain some more things in there!

Hope I helped and good luck!

i think the link messed up because those tips didnt fit the character i put

@Avacohenshippee that is because I did a persons before you commented lol. I'll do yours after the next two

@"Shadow of the Elements" Ok! And thank you :D

He is underweight a bit. You mention that he is skinny, but not underweight. The average weight of someone his height is 155-189 lbs! His eyes and hair are brown, but what shade of brown exactly? Mocha? Chocolate? Russet? There are plenty of shades of brown for people to get confused by! Where did he get his tattoo and how long has he had it? His mannerisms are fine, I think you should give him a few more though, possibly gestures? Like 'plays with hands when nervous' or 'bites nails when thinking' and think like those! Good motivation (funny, I have a character named Lilly. That name is super common lol)! His prejudice is that he thinks that he is smarter than everyone else, so does that mean he is arrogant? Because that is something arrogant people think often. I see a lot of people put the Myers Briggs personality type, that's completely fine, but in my opinion I think its better to actually write down their personality, y'know? But that is my opinion of course, and you can do whatever you want! Wow! His backstory is really interesting! The story sounds well thought out and something that I would read!

Good luck with your story and characters, hope I helped some!

Thank you so much!

@Avacohenshippee Alright, now i'm onto yours! xD

Hmm, i'm assuming she's 5'0 because all you have is 5' lol. So she is also a bit overweight, but not by much You never said she was overweight so i'm assuming she isn't. The average weight for a female her height is 95-117. So she isn't really overweight I guess, so you could probably just leave it. I think you should give her some more mannerisms. And when does she pull on her ears? When shes nervous? Thinking? Or is it just a habit she has? How does she talk to people she dislikes? Does she mumble? What does she do when shes scared or excited? On her motivations, what feelings does she want to hide, and from who? Her prejudice is a bit confusing. How does she prejudice that she was raised a follower? Also, how can one of her talents be putting others first when she is mean and hostile? It just doesn't connect. Her religion is 'her religion?' xDD What is that religion lol? Her backstory is small and confusing. Why would she hate Ember because she is scared of her? And was she scared of Ember or was Ember scared of her? Also, you leave a lot of things out. Like things about her parents, if she had any siblings, other friends, what she did in her free time, things she wanted but could never have, and so on. I saw in her notes that you put she is a shifter? Is that like a shapeshifter but can only shift into one particular thing? And you don't mention that anywhere else in her profile. I would also think that would be a talent of hers!

Anyways, I think that if you fix up this stuff, you'll have a decent character on your hands! Good luck and hope I helped <3

So sorry didnt realize!

Thank you so much Celestial-B I'm so glad you made this disscusion or I would have had a totally messed up character! The problem is, I can't think of her motivation! And also, she does hate everybody, but to cover her story as a homeless and slightly evil-ish girl who abandoned her parents, she has to pretend everything is fine, because she (on the inside) is ashamed.
So sorry I didn't put that in!
Thanks for helping anyway. That site you sent was really helpful!

Peter Winston Yales Im not exactly sure what mannerisms mean and it would be cool to see what you think of this guy! Hes my most recent character and needs improving. 😁

@Madisen Alright! I'll help you!

First, he doesn't have any nicknames? If not, instead of leaving the 'other names' tab blank, just put none. And you didn't put his role. That would be like, is he the protagonist? Like one of the main characters? Love interest? Antagonist? Background character? I suggest you fill those two out! And no weight for him either? The average weight for someone his age and height is around 135-170 lbs (just so you know!). How long is his hair exactly? You say it is long and curly, but how long? You don't have his race or identifying marks either. I think its important to put every single piece of information because not only does it help build up your character, but it helps you get to know them better! An Identifying mark would be like a scar, or freckles, or maybe he has really long arms! Ok, so you mentioned you don't know what a mannerism is. A mannerism is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking and behaving.' So for example, 'rubs his neck when embarrassed.' Would be one! And 'bounces when excited' would be another! I suggest putting lots of these because they make a character feel more human! And no motivations?? That is the whole reason for the story! Its what the characters wants most and their goal! You MUST have a motivation for your character, no exceptions!!! He has no prejudice either. A prejudice is a 'preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.' So for instance, maybe he prejudices against a certain race because that is how he was raised. Or it could be something small; maybe he has been told that all vegetables are nasty, so that is what he believes lol. Prejudices are so helpful with character development, they really are. What do you mean as his personality type 'Demon?' Is he an actual demon or is that just the way he acts? I would suggest explaining his personality in that place! No religion or politics? If he doesn't have a religion, i'd just put Atheist. And every teenager has some opinion on their politics, maybe he thinks a law is stupid or something! No favorite possession?? He doesn't have one thing he really likes? Like, he doesn't have a favorite shoe, a phone or computer, a trophy? Nothing? No birthday? Are you just unsure yet? Because everyone has a birthday! Or a creation day at least lol. If he is unsure, just but 'he is unsure.' or something like that. His background is good! Wow, his dad stabbed his mom 27 times??? Sadly, the more realistic think would be that he only went for about 25-ish years to jail, not for life, maybe even that long. and they would be obligated to take Devon too.

good luck and hope I helped

Hii I know you're getting a lot of these, must be pretty exhausting haha
Could you check out mine when you have time?

Thanks~!

I'm not really finished with mine but can you critique what I have?

I'd really apreciate that, thanks.

Thank you so much! :D this also helps with my other characters for what to add and such. Thanks again :D

Ik I posted this before but https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/312399#

@Flowerfur, Lover of Seliph

She doesn't have any nicknames? Like, no one calls her even a shortened or extended versions of her actual name? I see what you put for weight! The average weight for someone her age is around 70-80 lbs! And the average height is around 4'5, just so you know! You say her hair is short, but how short? To her shoulders? Shorter? Higher? And is it straight? Uneven? You say she has bangs so i'd put that there too. And no, bangs aren't facial hair lol. How did she get that scar on her left cheek and how long has she had it for? Why does she have 'cat-like mannerisms?' Is she part cat or is that just how she does things? If she is part cat, I suggest putting that in her race. If not, then I would put that is just how she acts, and maybe add a few more mannerisms. Why is her prejudice that she'll never fit in society? Is it because she thinks she is different or are people like her unaccepted in society? He hobby is playing with Pokemon, does that mean pokemon exist in her world? Or are you talking about the game? And no talents? She has to be good at something! Maybe she is really good at playing with the pokemon, maybe she has a really good voice, maybe she can ride a bike supppperrr well! She has to have some type of talent! Her background is small and a bit confusing. Why was she sent out into the wild at such a young age?? Wouldn't someone look after her or be placed in a orphanage or something? How did she meet Kekini and when? And the other two, Rattata and Pikipek?

Hope I helped and good luck!

@Celestial-B Her name is shortened to Luna, and yes, AMJ is a Pokemon fanfiction. And she lived with a cat all of her life. Also, if she was sent to an orphanage, it'd be easier for the Prism Cult to find her. She met Kekini after her memories were lost. Hope that answers your questions.

@Sandra Renee Melton Alright!

I feel like i've done her before… oh well lol. How long is her hair when it is down? And how long is it when it is in a ponytail? To her shoulders? Lower back? Higher? Lower? Her flaws aren't really flaw I guess, more like things she does or possibly little quirks. I'd put something like 'childish' or 'Clumsy' and things like that! Here is a list of flaws I like to use when making characters! — https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/. In her background, how was she orphaned? Did her parents die? Did they just leave her? How did she even take care of herself at the age of one? I would think that 1-5 year olds would not be able to live on their own and survive, especially during cold winters. So someone or something had to help her survive.

I really like her! Good luck and hope I helped!

Hi! I think I've asked for critique once before, hope you din't mind me doing it again!

Thank you!

Unknown Here's an antagonist, could you critic her?