Notebook.ai

The difference between male and female social dynamics

@Dayzea group forum 5 comments schedule
group
@Dayzea group

I am currently developing about four separate stories, each with diverse characters in very different worlds. This includes people of different ethnicities, genders, backgrounds, social standings, sexual orientations–all of it very specific to the character and their setting. Because of this I am required to do a lot of research. This may mean frequently exposing myself to news and politics, reading non-fiction articles, searching for suitable biographies/autobiographies as well as documentaries, and sometimes looking to friends and family for further perspective. Sometimes I find myself engaging in people-watching. One thing I've found myself struggling with lately is male and female social dynamics, and how they compare.

I am quite adept in my understanding of the female social hierarchy, so that hasn't been a great issue for me. Since some of my stories involve school-aged boys, though, I was wondering if I could receive some input. I know that there are parallels between how girls and boys interact among themselves, but I would like to know what is true and what isn't, what is important to include and what should be scrapped. Anything helps.

Feel free to talk about either male/female hierarchies here, this is basically a free-for-all to help people with writing guys and girls haha

@M.W.Poel

…… I don't know what you mean with hierarchy, but since I am a female and would probably benefit from this information too I'll just describe how I interact with the people around me.

My best (female) friend: She knows everything there is to know about me. If I have a problem, a project, or a new (male) friend she will likely know about it before my parents. Vice versa she will tell me everything about herself when asked. We also judge each other's love interests if there is any present although we'd never tell each other not to date someone.
My best (male) friend: both our families tried to get us into a relation which we tried for three months and then decided 'nah'. We know all about each other's creative projects and nerd out together. Occasionally there will be some emotional talk or ranting.
My sister: Tries to take charge of everything when she visits. I still amazed at the fact I actually can take care of myself because at the start of my student life I had a lot of trouble and finding a room and lived with her for a while. Probably the second person I'd tell everything after having told my female best friend.
My parents: Gets panicked when I forget to send a sign of life on WhatsApp. Always ready to come over, give a call or move heaven and earth to make sure I'm happy
My female friends: talk to them about studies and games and books and stuff. I like to hear them get enthusiastic about something they're passionate about like an anime show or the game hollow knight.
My male friends: I have a lot less of those because I don't like rude humour and for some reason, some people have to put a spotlight on the fact I'm a girl? these are the people I just like to talk to about casual things. Study, events we're excited about, movies.
Other people in general: I'm usually impartial to them and will hold casual conversations with them.

The only hierarchy here really is just how much I'm willing to tell them and how much they tell me.

group
@Dayzea group

Thank you for the input! And I'm happy to explain what I'm referring to by 'hierarchy', I'm sorry if that came out as ambiguous.

'Hierarchy' refers to social standings among the genders, to say. For instance, how among school-aged girls there is almost always a clique of attractive and boisterous girls who usually score a lot of attention from boys and are largely popular. On the other hand, there are also smaller groups of girls more inclined towards art and/or literature and typically stay below the radar. Many times socially isolated girls will be recruited by a group of preexisting friends so it isn't all that common to come across a girl who isn't associated with other girls, though there are exceptions. There is often a noticeable pattern in female hierarchy linking to physical capability and overall attractiveness. So a thin girl who can do a front-facing aerial is far more likely to be popular than a chubby girl who is inclined towards theatre and cannot do the splits. I was wondering if there is a similar dynamic for boys.

@hollow-boned

from what i've noticed, as long as they're funny and even a little bit attractive, cis boys have a very good chance of being popular. of course, doing sports and being loud helps a lot.

@M.W.Poel

Oh….. that's what you mean. I live in the Netherlands so our school system is somewhat different than the American. Either way, I'll add what I know.

Primary school(4 to 6/7 years old): Everything fine and dandy no real hierarchy or separation among kids (that I noticed being a kid)
Primary school(6/7 to 12/13 years old): I think this is when those cliques happen? It was basically like this although most were part of at least two groups:

  • Boys: soccer kids, other sports kids, creative kids, the very active kids on the playground, the ones that get along well with some of the girls, the ones that need attention from everyone all the time, awkward kids
  • Girls: sports kids, musically gifted/creative kids (sometimes overlapping sometimes not), the active girls that get along with the boys, the girls that play 'house' and stuff are still active but usually only with other girls, awkward kids, the ones that want attention from everyone

Of course, there was also a lot of bullying at my school that was mostly done by kids a year above mine mostly by a specific group of girls and occasionally an annoying boy.

Middle school (13/14 to 17/20 years old (20 only if following the highest level and being held back one year)): I…. don't know what was going on here in terms of hierarchy. I think there was a 'sports kids' group? There was no real division between genders within the groups. Most contained about as many boys as girls. I know my friend group did and I can say pretty confidently we were the geeky creative kids who hung out by the gym and glared at others. Probably the closest thing you could get to a real-life drama clique because we were also singing and stuff?

student life(17 to whenever): Even more clueless on this one. Like I said I'm largely impartial to the people around me so I don't really notice this kind of thing. I believe here there's still no real separation between genders and that most friend groups are shaped by the associations someone joins.
At this stage, there is no form of intimidation/bullying other than people giving a quick angry glance or pretending not to notice someone because listening to music and this random add is very interesting. Most people just think you do you.

General: in general, the lowest on the chain of command (in the Netherlands) for both genders are the once that don't fit the mould. The once with strange hobbies and the quiet once but they do tend to flock together as I did. In some cases, this includes sexual orientation (gay marriage has been legal here for decades, we're pretty much fine with it) or physical appearance but it is more likely being an Otaku or being very interested in robots and programming like some of my friends.