Can you guys do my character? I feel like she needs more work.
Will critique all characters and draw one (1) of each username - DISCONTINUED
Thanks for the feedback! I'll work on editing my characters soon.
@BBC_Fangirl
Here is your critique!
Bunny:
Brooklynn: One of the first things I was was that she is 5’1”, but only 95.22 (a very specific number) pounds. That was all bright and dandy until I noticed she had an hourglass figure. I have a sister who is those exact measurements, and no joke, she looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.That is not an hourglass figure. That is the body of a starving child. (Don’t worry, my sister is perfectly healthy). Love the dimples :). I can’t really say much more except to expand on everything. Here are some links that could help you :
-https://www.nownovel.com/blog/talking-character-mannerisms/ : This is a link to a website that gives you very detailed decription on different types of mannerisms, and how to use them.
-http://www.writingeekery.com/flaw/ :
This is a link to a really good website to help you find the right flaws for your characters. It’s really great.
-https://ellenbrockediting.com/2015/08/05/novel-boot-camp-2-creating-deep-realistic-characters/
This is a website that I have found very helpful when it comes to starting a backstory, and motivations. It walks you through ways to add depth.
I hope this helps, and good work!
Delta: Add more flaws and mannerisms. It’s very important that your character has more mannerisms because that allows more background on your character. What do you mean by her own politics? Does she have her own opinions that literally nobody else in the world shares? Why is that specific pen her favourite possession? Did someone special give that to her? Also why does she hate space pirates? I personally love the idea of space pirates they seem cool. Did she have an unfortunate encounter with one? Aside from that I’m not really sure what to critique.
Tallinn: As I’m sure my comrades have mentioned, you need to flesh out your character more. You should add a backstory to place her into the universe. What led her to becoming a reporter? Why does she like robotics? How does her tendency to interview people without noticing show? Why is she not aware of it? Has it affected her personal life? I’m not sure what else to say besides develop your character (mannerisms, place in the world, flaws, personality, etc)
Edward:
Brooklynn: First of all, no one has no mannerisms. I recommend looking at the links above to add some much needed depth to Hoppy. He seems very average. Is that what you were going for? Personally, I couldn’t create a connection with Hoppy, as much as I wanted to. I would suggest you go back in, expand and re-submit him to us. Good luck!
Delta: I don’t think hating your job is a prejudice, I would put that somewhere else. He seems like the classic boy next door who’s a massive nerd. I would love if he broke out of that stereotypical box that he’s in and break some classic things. I don’t think there’s enough to critique on him?
Tallinn: As Brooklynn said, everyone has mannerisms. And no offence, but making tea whenever he can isn’t really much of one unless he does it when he’s stressed. What things shows he’s tired? What about bored? Add more small motivations in addition to the large one. Maybe because he can’t have himself quit, he wants to work up the courage to ask for a raise? And again, weight. He’s too tall to be that light.
Happy writing!!
-The Blue Duck Team
person_off
Deleted user
As I said they are still in development, I'm working on both right now actually.
@RubyJane
Here is your review for Lukas
Lukas:
Brooklynn: I love a character with dimples! I would suggest you add more mannerisms that are specifically centered around him. I really like how some of your mannerisms involve other people, but more about just him would be great. Lukas seems like the idea, perfect boy. It’s a little scary. To make him seem more human, you might want to add some talents that are small. Like he is able to sleep standing up, or eat a doughnut in 5 seconds. It would be nice to know how he got over his spoiled nature. There is a typo in you background section. Your wrote brother as bother. No big deal. Is there a reason all of his sisters names start with the letter E? You could maybe expand on the his background. Talk about family life (relationship with mother), and maybe other friends. I’m really curious to know how mom reacted with the subject of his real father. This was a really thought out character. Thanks for sending Lukas to us!
Delta: Weight wise, if you want him to be average he should be 170-209 pounds, especially if he’s muscular because muscle weighs more than fat does. How is he prejudiced towards the Outsiders? Also lucky Camie he sounds like a real catch. I like that you said that he doesn’t want people to know that his personality is mainly an act. Does Camie know that? Please expand more on his background! It’d be awesome to hear more about his mother and how she handled 6 kids. We don’t know much about how he interacted with the other sisters either so adding that would be great too.
Tallinn: I mostly have questions about him. Why does he mimic his brother when he’s angry? What is his father like and why doesn’t he want to be like him? How did he and Camille meet? How did their relationship start? How didn’t he know about his brother? And last all, how does he have children??????????????? He’s 17????? With that out of the way, add a few more prejudices and then you’re on your way!
Happy writing!
-The Blue Duck Team
Here is your critique for Reid:
Reid:
Brooklynn: I really liked how you included his weight in both pounds, and stone. That was a nice touch. I wouldn’t necessarily classify “kind” under mannerisms. I would add that into the personality section of his profile. Regarding the personality section, I would suggest putting in characteristics that you specifically choose. I admire how you did the quiz, but the quiz could have missed something you might want to add. It shouldn’t just be the quiz answer in there. I would also add more prejudices like how he hates bullies. I would definitely add some physical mannerisms like picks his eyelashes when tired, or something like that. Doing things like that can really add some realism. You might want to consider putting a year in his birthday. How old is he? It might be cool if Modern England runs by a different year system. I really enjoyed reading the backstory, and felt a connection with Reid. Great work!
Delta: Hating bullies would be considered a prejudice, not a mannerism and I’m a bit confused as to what you mean by bites hand when nervous? I really like that in his back story you gave him bad traits. He was addicted to drugs, yeah, but he overcame that. I’d like to see you expand on so much of him. Give Reid more mannerisms, add the drug addiction to his flaws, go more in depth instead of saying he’s white, is he pale, tan? You said that he’s closed off in his flaws, however his personality type says that he is an extrovert. This contradicts itself. Perhaps you meant to say that he doesn’t share much, or that he has trouble communicating/making friends. Overall I really love his backstory, you’ve made a really great character.
Tallinn: okay, so first off, you need to add more mannerisms related to his emotions, what does he do when he’s frightened, angry, etc. Second off, more small motivations, everyone has more than a few, despite them being small. Next, more flaws. Like hey, maybe that drug addiction he had?? Is he still addicted? Does he have problems with it? Has he relapsed? How hard was it to get over (if he did get over it)? Add more personality traits besides the Myers Briggs seeing as the Myers Briggs test isn’t exact on everything. Why are his favourites his favourites? Also, this story kinda confused me on what was going on, it seemed to confuse me on what the main problem of this story was, and what the plot was following. Also, what’s the point of stone??? And how does that measurement system go? I’d also make him a little older because of how much went on in such a short time period.
Alexander:
Brooklynn: I really didn’t find very much wrong with Alex. One thing that might be nice is adding who calls him each nickname. You could potentially add endurance under the flaws section. Most of my critiques for this character is the same for Reid. I suggest you go back in with more mannerisms, and personality traits. A cool point you might want to incorporate is that his eyes are multi-coloured due to an injury that his father gave him. Heterochromia eyes are either a result of injury, disease, or genetic stuff, and I thought injury was the best fit for his description. Great work here!
Delta: Aside from the fact that he becomes scarily calm when angry, everything else listed under mannerisms should be listed under personality. A mannerism is something that they do without being prompted. Like biting their fingernails or chewing their lip when stressed. I also don’t think that equity counts as a politic. It is something that is used in politics, however not a type of politic. If he’s agnostic then why is his favourite possession his cross necklace? Was it given to him by someone special? Put that in there. Is the backstory unfinished? You didn’t mention Reid in there, unless I’m mistaken and they don’t exist in the same universe. How was his relationship with his father before the incident? We know that he was abusive to the mother, but we don’t know how he treated Alex. Why is purple his favourite color? Does it mean anything really special to him or have a special meaning? That’s about it for what I have to say but good job!
Tallinn: The general things from Reid transfer over to Alexander as well like personality, motivations, and favourites. Add more smaller flaws. How did Peter die? And how were the wounds passed off as a suicide attempt? Did they look self-inflicted? Did anyone ever ask Alexander about it? Also, while it’s understandable to want to avoid conflict as much as possible, but I’ve known people who absolutely hate conflict and want to avoid it, but despite that, they still easily want friends and just find a way to work around any conflict that arises. If you would like to maintain this aspect of rejecting friendship, maybe make him have another reason for rejecting them.
Happy writing!
-The Blue Duck Team
@libraleap
Here is your critique for Asmodeus
Brooklynn: I would love to see some physical mannerisms like picking fingernails when tired. I would also add some more minor flaws. Something small like if he always stubs his toe in that one doorway. I really feel like Asmodeus is centered around Herne. All of his traits are about Herne. I suggest you give him some hobbies, and talents that make him a separate person. Nice work with the personality description, it was very detailed. In the favorite food section, you might want to include what his favorite food was. Speaking of his past, it would be nice to know about Asmodeus before his hair changed colour. What was his family situation? Did he have friends? One thing I’m wondering is whether or not he speaks other languages. Being alive all that time must have its advantages. Maybe he speaks japanese when he’s flustered, and Herne can’t understand anything he’s saying. Who knows? I really love reading about your characters. They are really easy to connect to, so awesome job!
Delta: I was wondering if his motivations are finished because you have the numerical reasoning but only one reason if that sentence makes any sense at all. Maybe you could add more talents? I don’t know what and if you don’t want to that’s perfectly fine because the current talent is hecka cute but it might add a bit more depth to him. I would like to see who he was before Herne, and what he is like without Herne because I feel like he’s really dependant on him. We get to hear that his talent is finding him in a crowd, and that his hobby is getting Herne anything he desires, but what does he do for himself? I want to know some weird random things he can do after being around for thousands of years. I imagine that he’s mastered so many skills, like I don’t know I can just see him being able to play every instrument, especially the piccolo. Maybe add in a few talents that we wouldn’t expect him to have. What originally drew him to Herne? Why did he decide to stick around and find a cure for Herne’s mother? I would love to know these background things. Maybe put in his talents that he’s super strong because I feel like what Herne said when he gave Asmodeus the knife implies that he’s pretty strong? Honestly, I love your characters so much whenever I get to read about them. Keep up the great work!
Tallinn: so, first off, you need to expand and develop your character some more. He doesn’t seem as well thought out as Herne, which is slightly disappointing. He’s a good character, but add more mannerisms, both random and related to emotions. Next, add more motivations, whether they be smaller ones like completing certain goals or large scale ones. Add some more small flaws and prejudices. I also feel like With his thousands of years alive, he would have definitely had the time to expand his talent arsenal as well as earn plenty of hobbies. In addition to these things, it seems like Asmodeus is 100% centered around Herne which while there are people like that, makes him seem more of a clingy/frustrating character. If you add more things unrelated to Herne, you could fix that. Finally, how do vampire come about? Is it like VH??!
Happy writing!
-The Blue Duck Team
Here is your review for Alaesya
Brooklynn: I think it might be nice if you added fae to her race section. Your descriptions on the facial features, eyes, and hair were unreal. I’ve never seen someone be so detailed. It really helped me picture her. I had a really hard time finding things for you to add because of the amount of detail. One thing I found was a lack of physical mannerisms. There were good mental ones, but maybe you could add if she cracks her knuckles when she’s nervous (it’s a little cliche, but it’s an example). Does she have any non-fighting related talents? Maybe like playing the violin? It was really hard to connect with Alaesya because she seemed so emotionless. I was getting some really strong “forest breed wolf girl who eats raw meat” vibe. In her backstory, you could add a reason as to why she is so emotionless/ Was there a specific event, or was it just because that’s how she was born? Really good job with her though!
Delta: I feel like you should add at least one more flaw because while that’s a really good flaw to have, everyone has more than one flaw. To me she seems like someone who has been hardened by her past, so you could put that she lacks emotion, or is unable to express it well. This is just an idea of course so you don’t have to actually use it but just add something there. As this is something my own character has been critiqued on, you should add more to politics, because everyone has some, and it’s often influenced by your upbringing. Perhaps she prefers to side with a rebellion, or has her own political views, you should specify what they are. What piqued her interest in the scientific research job? She seems like someone who would get bored easily and doesn’t show any history with loving the subject. Basically, just add some fine details, but overall this is a very good character and she’s developed pretty well.
Tallinn: I’d expand on motivations, the main motivation is reasonable, but does she have any personal motivations to include as well? I like how you put your plans for the character arc, but with the ‘putting them first’ thing, I feel that putting yourself and your health, etc first is more important. I love my friends, but its safe and recommended for people to do what’s best for them first, and then the others. The personality seems to be slightly conflicting, due to the fact that steel and fire are very different. Comparing both of them together is like comparing a dish towel and a giraffe. Steel is hard, cold, and solid like you said, while fire is passionate, unstoppable, carefree and hot, a fiery personality is someone who is hard to control, able to quickly adapt to any situation, but resents it all the while, wrecking whatever is in its path. A steely personality is someone who is immovable, their personality as hard and cold as ice, their words cut may not be sharp, but a solid force that one must overcome in order to see what’s beyond. To have them both would be… very contradictory.
Happy writing
-The Blue Duck Team
@"Aloe Vera"
Celia:
Brooklynn: I love the universe name!! So creative! I really liked how her identifying marks were freckles, and not something like a scar or tattoo. You might want to think about whether or not her freckles are due to the amount of sun she gets when walking, or if its an inherited trait. Celia was really easy to connect to, and I love how happy she is. The one thing I’m concerned with is that because of the drama she went through at such a young age, she can’t be all happy go lucky. She must still harbour some feelings of resentment, and because of that, her undying optimism is a little unrealistic. In the background section, I would suggest you add in a section on how the death of her family affected her mental health. Was she always so happy before the incident? How long did it take her to cope with the fact that she couldn’t save them? I couldn’t really understand the prejudices section (it’s probably just me), so you might want to think about clearing that up. The religion section was really cool to read. I love how you created your own! All in all, a really well thought out character that was a pleasure to read about!
Delta: Very creative universe name ;) I see what you did there. With the hairstyle, what do you mean by full? Do you mean thick, curly, puffy? Also, what is a banana body shape? I have heard of a pear body shape but never a banana. I feel like she’s a bit too innocent to be 16… Everybody above the age of 12 who is that optimistic has a darker truth that they keep hidden within themselves. It’s inevitable for someone her age to have not experienced something that brings her the necessary skepticism in life. I think you need to add another flaw, because the optimism one can’t be the only one she has. With politics lol same. I do like that you included her IQ in there, but IQ often misrepresents people’s intellect. Someone could have a super low IQ however still be smart in unconventional ways. I wouldn’t want her to come across as dumb, because she seems everything but that. I didn’t have the opportunity to listen to the Spotify playlist but I love that you incorporated that into her character! It was a lovely little touch! Keep writing!
Tallinn: I like Celia a lot, he seems to be well developed, however, even if she tends to love everyone, everybody has prejudices. Maybe she doesn’t like certain personalities, or she views people in certain scenarios different from others. While prejudices can be minuscule, everyone has them. This group she is against, the ‘phoenix’s’ confuse me. Is it an actual phoenix or rather a group that goes by that name? Why was her family running from them? (Also, this story reminds me a lot of Dungeons and dragons with the merry friends she makes along the way.) Other than that, your character is very well detailed, and obviously well thought out! I like the visuals you drew of the character, they look very nice and are a good add on.
Yuki:
Brooklynn: Welp, I really don’t know what to say. Yuki is so well thought out, that I am struggling to find anything but praise. A really small thing I found was that his hair was described as fluffy and greasy. Those two don’t really mix well. I would also suggest you add some mental mannerisms. What does he do when he is confronted with a tough situation. What goes through his head? Maybe adding some smaller talents would be nice. Something like he never hits his head on tree branches? Reading about the scarf, I was like “Is Yuki in Slytherin?” But really, great job. Yuki is amazingly well thought out seems super realistic!
Delta: So first things first, he’s too skinny! You need to add some more body weight there, because that’s about 20 lbs too light. He sounds like an anime boi I like! There isn’t really much I can say about this character because he’s really well developed. What’s he like after he meets Celia? I know he defeats his alcoholism but personality wise, what’s he like? You were right he’s basically bulletproof critique-wise.
Tallinn: I know the others have probably said this, but his design is impeccable. He seems to be well thought out from all sides, and it could be because I’m a novice critiquer, but he’s wonderful. The backstory is well thought out and the Nature category is perfected rather nicely. I can’t say much when it comes to critiquing this character. However, what I can say is that if Yuki is considered to be one of the smartest people in his race, you may need to raise the IQ slightly seeing as a genius IQ is around 124-134 which while still high and considered rather smart, but to be noted as one of the smarter people in the race, I’d recommend around 140-150. (Of course no matter what you put, he’d still be the smartest seeing all of them are dead [I’m sorry])
Happy writing!
-Blue Duck Team
Can you guys do my character? I feel like she needs more work.
Sorry I forgot to add my email for the picture.
[email protected]
Thank you so much!
Blueduck-
Thank you so much for all of your help, I will be making some changes to him based on y'alls questions and suggestions. There is one thing I wanted to clear up for Tallinn.
Lukas has kids when he is an adult, not now:)
Blue Duck-
Okay, I'm going to respond to each person's critique individually, if thats good.
Brooklynn- Thank you for the compliments, first off, and REALLY thanks for the criticism! I went back and flushed him out completely, taking into account everything you said! Thanks so much for the comment at the end! I take aspects of my personality and others to make my characters as relatable as possible!
Delta- yeah his motivations aren't finished. I will go back and add to that. I have extended everything you commented on and tried to make him seem less dependent on Herne. So yeah. But thanks! All the feedback has been so helpful and the compliments are nice!
Tallinn- I was a bit disappointed in myself to be honest. I poured my heart and soul into Herne and didn't leave much for Asmodeus. So I went back and hopefully corrected that. So yay! And yes, Vamps do come about the same way as VPHs.
Before I post my characters, I gotta ask- can you guys draw animals? Like dogs and such?
@NobleWolf
We can sure try our best!
We can't promise a picasso level drawing, but it won't be terrible either!
-The Blue Duck Team
@NobleWolf
No promises, I'm not the best at drawing animals, but I shall do what I can!
~Tallinn (Artist?)
i was hoping i could get some tips how to make Ramule seem like a well rounded character. He is my favorite OC (used for rping, so his story will be ever changing, thats why its mostly background info) and i dont know how to depict him as fully as i want. i also really want to make sure hes not a mary sue lol. either way, i would really appreciate any feedback you've got!
also my email is [email protected]
Thanks!
I'm really interested in this, I just can't decide which character to choose. I have 9 to pick from(so far, lol) and only a couple and kinda-developed. I'll contact y'all once I decide!
I want her to seem strong but still struggle with day to day activities. Could you draw her as im struggling picturing her. Any feedback will be appreciated.
@Paris
You need to make her public before we are able to critique her! Thanks for submitting!
-The Blue Duck Team
Hello @blue Duck.
So, on May 22 you guys critiqued my character Lucas and I stated that I had email troubles so you guys couldn't send the picture to me. So, you said that you would put it on your website. So, I do not want to come off as rude but, do you think that he will be done soon.
I am sorry if I come off as rude.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Dear @TheMusicalVampire and others with the same concerns,
Hello, it's Tallinn, the resident (?) artist, at the moment, we have four upcoming finals, which as you all should understand, is a lot. Our school does not have an exam break either, which means that all studying has to be done after school. In addition, I am currently practicing two instruments, which means that that takes an extra hour of my day. The minute our school ends, I should be able to mass produce drawings, but until then I sincerely apologize! If you have any additional questions or concerns, please email me at [email protected], with the subject line of Tallinn.
Thanks so much for understanding
~Tallinn
Hi everybody!
Just wanted to remind you all that we have said that if you want a critique and drawing we would ask that you critique our characters, and I believe that most of you have not done that. We as Delta and Tallinn have decided that we won't give you a drawing until you have critiqued our characters.
Thank you
-D, and Tallinn
P.S Brook doesn't support this because she has difficulty with putting people in conflicting situations. However since Tallinn is the artist they get final say and I (D) will support her.
@blue Duck,
I wish you luck on your many finals and I can understand how instruments can take up time, (Speaking as an pianist and cellist.) So I completly understand your time issues. Thank you for acknowledging my concerns also.
Once again, thank you and good luck!
You want us to do all of them?
I would love if you could critique and draw my character Jack. I feel like he is a little cheesy or cliche, so any advice or thoughts is welcomed! Jack stonewell
and if it's easier to email me, my email is [email protected]
@NobleWolf
Yes if you could critique all of the characters that would be preferable!
Thanks of taking time to look at them!
-The Blue Duck Team
how do we do the critiques?
@kirailove
Here the link to a forum where you can critique them. They also have the links to our characters
https://www.notebook.ai/forum/characters-board/please-critique-our-characters
-The Blue Duck Team
sweet, thank you!