Chat to discuss mental health + related subjects

What it says on the tin. Don't be bigoted, censor any 18+ topics and if a subject is triggering anyone or just a topic we need to drop for whatever reason, we drop it. No arguing, no asking questions, no bringing it back up 5 seconds after we've decided to leave it alone, and just. Please be respectful. I just think everyone needs a chance to talk about the difficult shit in life so here we are.

I'm just…. tired.

nobody ever really talks about the other emotions related to depression? and it sucks, because baby crocs was so far from ready to deal with that, and then suddenly it was hitting me and honestly people should talk about it more

like the anger? especially if you already had anger issues? the all consuming and red hot anger that just kind of takes over and you don't know what to do because nobody ever mentioned that this was part of it, so is this separate? is something wrong?? and like i get that that might be more select to me, because of my other issues, but i feel like the depression never helps because i get my angriest when i'm stuck in those pits, either directed at others or myself. i snap and say things i don't want to say and don't mean and that nobody should have to hear and it's the worst ever

and the emptiness?? like yeah, overwhelming sad is a big part but everybody likes to conveniently ignore the ugly apathy and the acceptance of just not feeling. when you're used to feeling everything so strongly and suddenly, just not feeling anything hits like a truck and you can't stop it. and it's one of my worst coping mechanisms, too, because even if i know i need to grieve for something i can't until after, and by then i've stockpiled all these horrible feelings and suddenly i'm incapable of anything until i'm better

anyway people need to talk about how depression isn't just being sad because it leads to people being mis diagnosed often by themselves and it leaves kids and adults unprepared for the shitshow

Bro, that's valid as hell. A huge part of mental health is in mood and people rarely acknowledge it, because it's often uncomfortable and messy.

hi can i just-
if a doctor doesn't want to check you for any mental health problems. don't let them invalidate your concerns.
this is a personal thing that just bothers me bc i still don't even know what's actually wrong with me and i'm just so tired of wondering if i'm just a failure or if i have a valid reason why i am the way i am.
i literally failed the same grade, twice, because i just didn't want to do life. i did nothing but sleep all night and day, and even then, i wanted to sleep more. when i tried to bring my concerns to my family doctor he just,,, didn't acknowledge it???? he tested my brother for depression, a.d.d, and anxiety easily enough, but when my mom asked if we could see if i have any problems, considering my schoolwork and life as a whole was being affected, he was just all 'i'm sure everything's fine, just eat well and drink water'
so yeah, trust your doctors for the most part, but if they're invalidating your problems for no goddamn reason, don't let them.
_{ur valid ok? <3}

and this is a whole 'nother short rant bc two subjects came to mind instantaneously so-
no one is ever prepared to deal with grief and that kinda bothers me???? like no one talks about it, but it's inevitable that we'll have to deal with it one day. there's no health class to tell you how to deal with that in a healthy way and i swear i'll throw hands over this-
like, the whole "stages of grief" thing? kind of a lie. there is no clear cut, "i'm at this stage and i'm almost done dealing with it" you will bounce around all the stages for a while, maybe get stuck at one for a couple of months, and even if you think you're done, one little thing is all it takes for you to be put back.
no one. talks about that.
i only realized because the lady i do art therapy with tried to help me deal with it. it's draining.

_{side note: i have retained some pretty good advice from the lady i do art therapy from i will deal you some of it if y'all want i'm here for you <3}

I mean, if all else fails and you make sure to do extensive research, self diagnosis is no problem. I have to diagnose half my conditions on my own before the doctor would test me and it turns out I was only incorrect about having Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (apparently it's just the autism/adhd lmao) so I see that as a win. But also a loss because WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS MYSELF anyways personal anecdote over.

TL;DR self diagnosis isn't all bad just treat it with nuance and research the hell out of stuff.

Also you are valid, there's nothing wrong with you, nothing broken for having mental health issues or disabilities. You are beautiful and you will get through this.

I tend to trust (cis) female doctors more than (cis) male doctors because they're more likely to listen but tbh gender isn't always a marker of a good doctor it's just that female doctors are a lot more chill.

the sexism women face when it comes to even getting tested for life threatening physical illness, let alone mental illness, is insane and I hate it

I honestly hate that. If you belong to any marginalized group you'll only get BS from medical professionals. I still can't get top surgery because I'm apparently not "trans enough" or smth. Sorry for the rant, but venting is chill here and I guess I'm taking advantage of that lol. I'll try and tone it down.

Also there's so many misconceptions about health because misogyny. Women are less likely to be influential to studies, but biological sex DOES does make a HUGE difference in medicine and how it affects ppl, especially with psych meds! Like, it's a little crazy.

And we need to listen to afab ppl more in medical studies. Partly because of how medicine and biological sex interact but also because our opinions are important! We could hugely sway medical studies and change medicine for the better but… you know where this is going, I'll shut up now.

Ooh, that's difficult. How open are your parents to that sort of thing? Like, are they relatively progressive in the mental illness area of would they berate you for suggesting it?

Also, if you have a doctor's appointment with your pediatrician/general care doctor soon I suggest you bring it up with them, they'll probably listen.

But I would say something along the lines of "hey, I've been feeling really (insert mental health issues here) and I want to talk to a doctor about it. Can we see which doctors in the area would be available and schedule an appointment with them?"

Also an option is to do some research on your own and figure out what's the best option for you, then present the research you've done to parents. Take care of yourself!

I don't really know, because we don't really talk about anything cOnTrOvErSiAl, which is part of why the thought is so horrifying. I'd like to think they're not "praying fixes mental illness 100%, cure the big sad", but I imagine they'd think I was overreacting and making excuses for why I sit at the computer for three hours without getting any work done

Ah.

My depression started normal ig? I kinda always just had to deal with it on my own, I went to a therapist but she was sHiT and told me I had no issues. So yeah I kinda was able to get better slowly over two years. But then BAM high school. And I guess it was because it was suddenly combined with so much stress but like Crocs I got really angry at times. I’d just have days where I was moody and snap at literally everyone. Some times I’d actually physically push people to the ground. That’s another problem with being the designated funny kid. No one knows when you’re done joking.
So yeah now we back to just “regular” depression and very heightened anxiety.
I should be going to a therapist soon though so hopefully this one is better and more trustworthy than the last one.
Because I’ve been living for four years with no diagnosis. And I low key feel like I’m going crazy.

Also the grief thing…I don’t know how they’d even teach that because everyone really does deal with it differently
I thought I was good at coping with death and loss. But I’m not, as I discovered from a recent death. So that’s really sucky…
I’ve sort of just gone into total apathy mode whenever I think about him or someone talks about him.

Aww, honey… is there anything I can do to help?

I don’t think so. But I appreciate it. Just having a safe space to talk about it is enough for me :)

Well good, I hope things get better and I hope you get a diagnosis soon.

for the grief thing (again) i feel the apathy part, but for some reason after dealing with a lot of it over the years over and over again i just grew numb to it.
i had someone really special and important to me pass away this year and for some reason i didn't really cry. at one point i had to force myself because my family member were giving me weird looks and i just didn't want to deal with their shit at that point. i feel like instead of crying or yelling or being angry i just kinda….fell apart silently.
ended up in the er on multiple occassions this year, my recent being a few days ago.
but idk i feel like something is off. i thought that i would deal with someone else dying the same way, but things just changed and i dont know why or how.

Well good, I hope things get better and I hope you get a diagnosis soon.

Thanks dude I appreciate it

_{I'm seriously considering giving my parents this note I wrote a while ago that tells them a little bit but that's insanely scary and I know that there are people who think I should but it's just}

_{idk. like I made the plan almost a month ago and waited for my grandma to leave cuz I don't want to drag her in and she left yesterday and the plan is to leave the note but that's just}

_{I don't even know what'll happen}

You'll never know what will happen, and that's okay. If you aren't ready to tell them, wait, but telling someone, even randos on the internet like me, is a step up from bottling it up inside. You'll be okay, and you'll tell them when you're ready.

the weird thing is that I literally have a therapist tho I haven't talked to her in over 3 months so logically you'd think it'd be better but I can't even talk to her about anything cuz I'm terrified
and I wrote a note to give her during my next appointment but then I couldn't cuz of covid and it's just been weird

Ah, that sucks. Are they offering services over the phone or on something like Zoom? Maybe ask your parents to look into that, it's how I'm seeing my therapist and it's nice to at least talk even if it isn't in person.