Just My Rant and Depressing Stream of thoughts

I know none of you are going to read this, I just feel better when I write it down…

I'm genderfluid aro-ace and my parents don't know, on top of that I have pressure pilling up on me. whether it be from my peers or my family to be the "perfect daughter" or the "perfect student." I get yelled at a lot by my family for not being perfect… I approached hem with the fact that I have auditory hallucinations and they immediately went to the fact that something is wrong health wise.

I want to cut but know I shouldn't…
Truly, this site and the people on it are the only things keeping me from suicide.

Everyone that cares about you is going see to this, and I care about you so….awkwardly smiles ye

I'm not genderfliud (maybe, still need to figure out my shit, halp) or aro-ace. But I can say that my life is almost exactly like yours. My family is always judging me of everything I do, the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I look, everything. And yes, I have wondered what it would be like to cut, they say it's an escape from reality which I have been looking around for ages. Honestly, this place is the only thing keeping me from ending it all. Everyone here don't judge me on what I look like, or the way I am.

What I'm trying to say is, just take care of yourself. For me? For us? Please?

Then you do what you have to in order to prove them all wrong… We love you Macy. Now what I want you to do is try your best in school, and if you have free-time, indulge in your fandoms to keep yourself happy. You're great, and we all love you!

You too Qxesn…

I don't have any good days…

All that I was going to say has been said already, so like the awkward potato I am I shall mail you tea and warm quilts instead. People who care about you will see this, as Qxeen said, and I care too.

But let me just say this…

Cutting is a distraction, but it's a useless one. I can get more distracted from drinking one glass of wine than cutting my own wrist. I can get more distracted from eating a pot brownie than cutting my own wrist. I can get more distracted by watching a YouTube video than cutting my wrist. You only get distracted for a short amount of time, however its not as effective, and it takes even longer to hide what you've done. There is no point in cutting when it isn't even potent. If you ever get the urge to cut, don't grab a razor.
Grab an ice cube. Get that ice cube and hold it against your wrist instead. Same effect, less of a hassel. That or get a hair band and wear it on your wrist for the day. Whenever you get the urge, just pull and snap yourself with the hair tie instead. Same effect, able to use anywhere.

If I ever find out you cut yourself I will fly myself to your doorstep and stay at your house until I know I can leave without you hurting yourself.

Thanks… So far I just use a necklace and slap it across my wrists, It leaves marks ut it helps a it.

Damn straight…

I don't cut… I guess I've just never felt the nedd…

Instead I just get roaring fucked up.

It seems as if people see masochism as the key, but indulgence is even better.

Even better than that, is working out… More effort, less self harm, same amount of distraction. But with benefits.

Studying too. If you can get smarter as opposed to physically harming yourself. Fucking go for it

We only started interacting on notebook like a month ago, but I saw this, and I’m really sorry about, well, everything. You’ve probably heard that things will get better a lot, and I know from personal experience that its not always a consolation, because I can’t always believe it. Just remember that nothing lasts forever. Literally nothing. And yes, that does include happy times, but when you’re in dark times or in the hole of self-hate, just know that at some point it will be over, at least for a little bit. There are people who have gone through living hell and have struggled through it until they thought it was the end, but they got through. There are a billion different possibilities for what could happen at every second, and a good deal of them are good possibilities. If you end it now, you miss a billion possibilities for you to heal. I know that it will sometimes feel like you’ll never heal. Sometimes, it’ll feel so hopeless that you just want to give in. But please, for the love of god, keep struggling. When you’re exhausted put if your mind, fall back into someone, whether irl or in the Internet. We love you duskie, and we’re here. Keep fighting, don’t hurt yourself. Don’t ever, ever hurt yourself. You don’t deserve that, ever