Oh, you mean like trying to delete this account?
TWICE?!
BECAUSE I COME ON HERE TO VENT?! AND EXPRESS MYSELF CREATIVELY?!
HE DID THAT????? I THREW SOMETHING. DON'T EVER. EVER. TAKE AWAY A BELONGING SPACE. ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE'S DEPRESSED/ANXIOUS/SUICIDAL/HAS ANY MENTAL ISSUES.
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MY DAD YELLS AT MY BROTHER AND I FOR TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WOULD DO IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS. AND JUST STOP US FROM TALKING IN GENERAL. BECAUSE HE THINKS WE'LL END UP FIGHTING.
MAYBE IF YOU LET US HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WE'D GET ALONG BETTER.
AND STOP TELLING ME TO STOP WRITING/ROLE PLAYING AND BE IN THE REAL WORLD, THE REAL WORLD IS TRASH AND I WANNA COPE
MY DAD YELLS AT MY BROTHER AND I FOR TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WOULD DO IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS. AND JUST STOP US FROM TALKING IN GENERAL. BECAUSE HE THINKS WE'LL END UP FIGHTING.
MAYBE IF YOU LET US HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WE'D GET ALONG BETTER.
AND STOP TELLING ME TO STOP WRITING/ROLE PLAYING AND BE IN THE REAL WORLD, THE REAL WORLD IS TRASH AND I WANNA COPE
The real world is trash. And have good relationships with siblings. It's important. Maybe tell some scientific facts about that to your dad. Prove him wrong.
You know what I hate? It bothers me when people I care about are afraid of commitment. Maybe it's because I'm the opposite: All I want is commitment. And, I don't know… It just makes me fucking mad when someone I love in any way wants, like, a two week thing. Like, no??
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PFFT
he'd shoot them all down (as usual). He was a salesman before he was a pastor (like, big time, making loads of money but now we broke cause pastors don't get paid shit if they only have an LTP even if they work way more than people with degrees, but that's a rant for another time) and is very manipulative and good at getting you to think he's right and you're wrong. NO. MATTER. THE FUCK. WHAT.
You know what I hate? It bothers me when people I care about are afraid of commitment. Maybe it's because I'm the opposite: All I want is commitment. And, I don't know… It just makes me fucking mad when someone I love in any way wants, like, a two week thing. Like, no??
Two weeks? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm not going to be a library book for you to check out and then never touch again. You can have me for two weeks, but you better keep me even after that. If you are going to plan for our break-up, we might as well not even be together.
You know what I hate? It bothers me when people I care about are afraid of commitment. Maybe it's because I'm the opposite: All I want is commitment. And, I don't know… It just makes me fucking mad when someone I love in any way wants, like, a two week thing. Like, no??
Two weeks? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm not going to be a library book for you to check out and then never touch again. You can have me for two weeks, but you better keep me even after that. If you are going to plan for our break-up, we might as well not even be together.
Plan for parties, not breakups.
This is completely unrelated but I just got slapped in the face with the realization that something is almost certainly seriously wrong with me and I'm low-key panicking over it
Panic Mode ACTIVATED
(Hey, hi there. Can someone tell me I'm okay and everything's going to be ok? I don't feel all too okay but everything should be okay and I'm going to bed now and it would help tomorrow if I could wake up with some encouragement or something heh thanks bye (you really don't need to (in fact maybe just don't)))
( @Jay-Marae. You are okay. Everything going to be A-OK. You are beautiful. Everything in this world is going the way it is meant to and it will be fine. Be strong, be brave, and be you. You can take on anything <3 Good night, hon :))
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(Hey, hi there. Can someone tell me I'm okay and everything's going to be ok? I don't feel all too okay but everything should be okay and I'm going to bed now and it would help tomorrow if I could wake up with some encouragement or something heh thanks bye (you really don't need to (in fact maybe just don't)))
("Sometimes the only way to find Heaven is to slowly back away from Hell." - Carrie Fisher)
I'm dying, I tore myself apart, and no one can ever love me again. UGH. Please, I can't concentrate on homework or school, I can only come here. I can only escape. I'm just the idiot in the corner. I can't come out of my room, I can only sit in there and drown myself in music and pain. I'm too much of a burden. I turn on people before they turn on me. I can't make friends. I'm pure garbage. And it's not okay, no matter what I tell my parents.
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Hey Jay. I've never been one to tell people that things are going to be just fine. Because my personal opinion is that I truly don't know that the other is going to be just fine and dandy. I can't possibly know. But I'm here to offer some encouragement, as you've requested. As Nie has already stated, you can take on anything, and you are beautiful. You are a strong person. I just know it. See, there are certain things I can know. For example, I know for certain that you are a beautiful, strong, wonderful, loveable, and amazing girl. I don't even need to know you in real life to know that about you. Because that's true about everyone! Well… maybe not the girl part, but you get what I mean. And sometimes Life is just plain old mean. Sometimes it feels like everyone and everything is against you. But you know what? That's just Life testing you, to find out your limits… again, I know. But Life is constantly testing you, and there's nothing you can do about it. Or is there? Yes, there is in fact something you can do. You can tell yourself constantly throughout the day, periodically that you can make it through the day, you are strong and you can make it. No matter what anyone else says, nothing is ever hopeless.
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I'm dying, I tore myself apart, and no one can ever love me again. UGH. Please, I can't concentrate on homework or school, I can only come here. I can only escape. I'm just the idiot in the corner. I can't come out of my room, I can only sit in there and listen to NF or Tate McRae or Snail's House. I'm too much of a burden. I turn on people before they turn on me. I can't make friends. I'm pure garbage. And it's not okay, no matter what I tell my parents.
Okay. First thing I need to say is - You absolutely can make friends, you're nothing at all like garbage. That needed to be said. Sometimes, the skill of making friends is developed over time. And sometimes, it's never developed. That would be me, yours truly. To be honest, I think one of the only reasons I have friends in real life is because they approached me first. I've never been one in life to say, "Oh hey! This person looks nice, Imma go try and be friends with them!" Nah, I've always been that one who lingers in the sidelines, wanting to have fun but is simply too shy to approach someone. That one person who has absolutely no comforting skills in real life. And for me, that's totally fine! Because I have you guys to learn from! In my tough times, I have to admit, I'll imagine one of you guys telling me that I can get through this. And that really does help. Now let me repeat this. You are NOTHING at all like garbage. You don't look like garbage. You don't smell like garbage. You are not related to garbage. You ARE NOT garbage. And… yes. You do possess the capability to get along with people. But take some advice from you. If you see someone who seems nice, and you'd like to be friends with them, don't be like me. Don't hang around on the sidelines and wait for someone to come to you. Take action. Go up to them and say, "Hi! I'm [insert your name], what's your name?" Or something like that, you don't have to say exactly that. But you are capable of making friends. I know that.
I'm dying, I tore myself apart, and no one can ever love me again. UGH. Please, I can't concentrate on homework or school, I can only come here. I can only escape. I'm just the idiot in the corner. I can't come out of my room, I can only sit in there and listen to NF or Tate McRae or Snail's House. I'm too much of a burden. I turn on people before they turn on me. I can't make friends. I'm pure garbage. And it's not okay, no matter what I tell my parents.
Hey, Ephie, calm down. I completely agree with Izzy. You are not garbage. (that's my job, lol) And you are totally not a burden. It's fine to "turn on people" too quickly because I'm here to help you work through that. You are not an idiot and I'm certain that someone in this world loves you (depending on what way you mean it, but you have my brotherly love at least). Listening to NF, Tate McRae, and Snail's House is perfectly okay. And if you can't make friends, then I'm truly sorry that you never found yourself able to call me a friend. I thoroughly hope we can be friends. You are a beautiful, relatable, likable person. You are perfect. <3
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Um… hey, I have one more thing to say. Nie, being garbage is absolutely not your job. If anything it's the job of garbage to be garbage.
This is completely unrelated but I just got slapped in the face with the realization that something is almost certainly seriously wrong with me and I'm low-key panicking over it
Yikes what’s up Bats?
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This is completely unrelated but I just got slapped in the face with the realization that something is almost certainly seriously wrong with me and I'm low-key panicking over it
Big mood my dude. What's up?
Is it the thing you mentioned in the philosophy chat?
This is completely unrelated but I just got slapped in the face with the realization that something is almost certainly seriously wrong with me and I'm low-key panicking over it
Yikes what’s up Bats?
So I was trying to explain a concept I've been grappling with for quite a while over on the philosophical chat and all of a sudden I realized that the feelings I am feeling are Absolutely Definitely Not What Normal People Feel… I don't want to straight up copy and paste what I typed out over there, but basically I've… stopped seeing other people as people. They just seem like 3-D printouts spliced into my life to be background characters, caricatures of what 'normal people' are. I look at them and I can't see a light behind their eyes, I can't picture them thinking or feeling the same way I can, and I can't connect with them in any way. I wonder to myself if they're even conscious at all or if I'm really one of the only sentient people in the world. In the past few years I've really only met two or three people who I could really, GENUINELY see as a human being Just Like Me, and I loved them all so much, and… due to personal reasons none of them are in my life anymore, and I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever be able to really connect with anybody again. Like, I have friends, I just… don't really feel much for them, I guess. And this isn't a Thing That Normal People Feel and I'm suddenly trying to grasp the fact that I'm Not A Normal Person and as I said there's most likely something seriously wrong with me to make me not be able to feel the way they do and… yeah? I sound like an absolute lunatic but it's all good
Is it the thing you mentioned in the philosophy chat?
Whoops. I just saw this but yeah, you get the picture, it's just Bats Being Weird Again
Oh boy I managed to miss like 10 pages in my suffering what happened
was there drama again or are you guys just having a really interesting conversation without me
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There was drama
don’t worry Ella I didn’t care either lmao
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guess you got lectured again
I'm having an existential crisis don't mind me
(Hey, uh, thanks to ya'll who encouraged me. It really means a lot and I have a feeling today is going to be better. Love ya'll <3)
So I was trying to explain a concept I've been grappling with for quite a while over on the philosophical chat and all of a sudden I realized that the feelings I am feeling are Absolutely Definitely Not What Normal People Feel… I don't want to straight up copy and paste what I typed out over there, but basically I've… stopped seeing other people as people. They just seem like 3-D printouts spliced into my life to be background characters, caricatures of what 'normal people' are. I look at them and I can't see a light behind their eyes, I can't picture them thinking or feeling the same way I can, and I can't connect with them in any way. I wonder to myself if they're even conscious at all or if I'm really one of the only sentient people in the world. In the past few years I've really only met two or three people who I could really, GENUINELY see as a human being Just Like Me, and I loved them all so much, and… due to personal reasons none of them are in my life anymore, and I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever be able to really connect with anybody again. Like, I have friends, I just… don't really feel much for them, I guess. And this isn't a Thing That Normal People Feel and I'm suddenly trying to grasp the fact that I'm Not A Normal Person and as I said there's most likely something seriously wrong with me to make me not be able to feel the way they do and… yeah? I sound like an absolute lunatic but it's all good
It's ok to think differently, Bat. Everyone's brains work differently, and if that is the way your brain works, no matter how strange it may be, it's normal and you are normal. You are a completely normal human being (exept for the fact that none of us are normal really) and there's nothing wrong with you.
(Hey, uh, thanks to ya'll who encouraged me. It really means a lot and I have a feeling today is going to be better. Love ya'll <3)
No problem. <3
