Notebook.ai

The LGBTQ+ Community Chat :)

@Tylerrr-M-P forum 24998 comments schedule
@berlioz

I was going down internet rabbit holes, and eventually went on a little demisexuality trip. I scoured through AVEN wiki, grey-ace sites, demisexuality pride stuff. Just for fun. Then I went back and read through a ton of forums from multiple sites. Most were old, but there were a few 2020 entries. I went into the allies and partners rooms, just to snoop around. Almost every entry I saw was about how frustrating and impossible it is for allos to date demis. A lot of "I think they're lying about it" and "when does the sex finally come in with demi partners". I don't know, it's kind of discouraging. They were all well meaning, I mean they went to demi forums to better understand their partners, so that's good. But still, it leaves my demisexuality feeling like a burden on potential allo partners. It probably would be frustrating and annoying for them. Dating on the ace and aro spectrums sucks, especially when the other person is allo all around.

aNywAY this all started because I was trying to find terms for when a demi is in default/dormant/"asexual" mode versus when the secondary attraction starts and they experience that regularly towards their person. There aren't any :(
Secondary attraction is the only type of (sexual) attraction demis feel, but there are no words for either of the two "modes" so to speak.
So maybe we better coin them.

group
@Pickles group

"when does the sex finally come in with demi partners"

Nose wrinkle you allos are immeasurably horny
Maybe just
Idk. Have a loving relationship with a person you care deeply about and respect that they don't want to sleep with you?
obviously I'm not trying to say that all allos are like this but unfortunately the ones that are do be really fucking loud about it

@berlioz

I mean I totally understand wanting/needing sex in a relationship. For a lot of people it's a necessary factor in intimacy and love. That's not inherently bad, but yeah like you said, allos should respect the timeline demis are on. For the most part, demis will eventually get to the point where they want sex too. I kind of understand the impatience, but at the same time, like, are you only in it for the sex or something? Keep your pants on, sheesh.

group
@Pickles group

But
But
No, it's not necessary. You can do a whole lot of shit that's not sex. That's not what a relationship is about, and if you think it is, find another horny ass allo that will have sex with you. A person is not a conquest, you do not get to gain their trust and become their friend to get in their pants. That's fifty shades of fucked up.

@The-N-U-T-Cracker

^^^

@berlioz

Ok, point, let me rephrase. I understand why allos and others would seek that out in a partner. Sex is an activity/common interest people might want to share with their partners, just like arts or outdoorsy things. It's a big want for a lot of people, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. And yes, no one should pursue a person and gain their trust just for sex. If that's the only focus, that's an unhealthy relationship.

That's fifty shades of fucked up.

This, this made me laugh.

group
@evastardust groupRRAAAARRL
RRAAAARRL

That's fifty shades of fucked up.

This, this made me laugh.

Unfortunately it's a direct quote from the book.

group
@Pickles group

That's fifty shades of fucked up.

This, this made me laugh.

Unfortunately it's a direct quote from the book.

I think it was in Fifty Shames of Earl Grey too or I've seen it somewhere else because I'm not brilliant enough to come up with it without it already being in my brain subconsciously

group
@evastardust groupRRAAAARRL
RRAAAARRL

That's fifty shades of fucked up.

This, this made me laugh.

Unfortunately it's a direct quote from the book.

I think it was in Fifty Shames of Earl Grey too or I've seen it somewhere else because I'm not brilliant enough to come up with it without it already being in my brain subconsciously

I just know there's a scene where he goes "I'm fifty shades of fucked up"

group
@V01DtheFae group

Is it bad to be in love with your best friend? Someone help please because I don't know what to do we've known each other for forever and these feelings might get in the way of what we have

group
@Toaster group

I feel that, bro.

group
@V01DtheFae group

I feel that, bro.

It scares me because she is my oldest friend and vice versa. Got any advice?

group
@Toaster group

I feel that, bro.

It scares me because she is my oldest friend and vice versa. Got any advice?

Do little things. Like, maybe hold her hand when you're bringing her to another room. If she doesn't pull away from that then maybe you could slowly move on to bigger things.
Or if you're feeling brave, kiss her on the cheek before you leave her house. (Or wherever)

@berlioz

Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that LGBTQ+ workers are protected from job discrimination based on sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation. 🎉

person_off
Deleted user

I feel that, bro.

It scares me because she is my oldest friend and vice versa. Got any advice?

Do little things. Like, maybe hold her hand when you're bringing her to another room. If she doesn't pull away from that then maybe you could slowly move on to bigger things.
Or if you're feeling brave, kiss her on the cheek before you leave her house. (Or wherever)

I recommend don't doing that, believe me, the person you do it to will end up hating you
or atleast i fuckin did
the girl who did it to me was a prank and I got brought into it like an idiot
sorry, just a little bitter

person_off
Deleted user

Damn. I'm sorry bro-ski.

Also What if…I'm deep down… Gay?? Being trans part got figured out, but sexuality, not so much.

person_off
Deleted user

then you're gay

lit

person_off
Deleted user

I just noticed that, Girls…usually only like me if I like them first.. and Idk. I'm still trying to wake up even though it's n
noon where I am.

person_off
Deleted user

today's aesthetic because I actually feel cute again :D:
black t-shirt, tied up (oH nO a CrOp ToP, yOu CaN sEe mY sToMaCh sAy iT AiN't sO)
black jean shorts
and this thing https://www.swarovski.com/en-US/p-M5524011/Slake-Deluxe-Bracelet-Gray/?variantID=5524009&gclid=CjwKCAjw26H3BRB2EiwAy32zha9i9Bs81ADmLw7A1RP02NWBr6HWzKvomIS5u7DEVwqBxGSSTWhDtxoCyJ8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
except mine is older so it's darker

that moment when you finally think you figured out your sexuality and you're feeling awesome, and then you see someone hot and you can feel it starting again (sorry that was completely random)

:DDDDD
I COULDN'T GET ANY STUFF FROM THE BATTLESHIP OR ANYTHING BUT I'M GOING TO FIND A PRETTY ROCK FOR YOU IN TEXAS

what part of texas tho cuz uh I'm here too and the idea of someone being close ish is exciting

omg i know this is from a few pages back but hi i am a texas bean too. AFT I never knew you were a texas frond

group
@Becfromthedead group

@owen I also identify as demisexual, and I'm with an allosexual partner. Demisexuality is not a burden to anyone who is going to love you as a person and not just for your body. There have been minor issues and small disagreements about sex between my partner and I (but I think that's expected in most sexual relationships, even of partners who are both allo), but it is 100% possible to have a good romantic and sexual relationship with an allo partner when you're demi, as long as you both respect each others' boundaries and wishes. If someone really cares, they will treat your demisexuality as a part of you and not as a burden, and they will be willing to wait as long as you need for sex. Most of the people who shit on demisexuality as an identity just don't… get it.

group
@evastardust groupRRAAAARRL
RRAAAARRL

I don't get it either
So what if they don't want to have sex right away? If that's a major dealbreaker for you, then you're not really that deeply in love.

@berlioz

Thanks Bec, I needed to hear that. It's just weird being not-allo but also not-asexual.

group
@Becfromthedead group

Yeah, I mean… I get some people want to sleep around, but if you just want to sleep around, be transparent about it. Because it's not good for either party to get dragged around in a relationship that's going nowhere.

group
@Becfromthedead group

Of course! I think I needed to share that a good, loving relationship is 100% possible between someone who's allo and someone who's demi. A lot of people seem to think it doesn't work that well, but it absolutely can.

group
@Pickles group

I don't get it either
So what if they don't want to have sex right away? If that's a major dealbreaker for you, then you're not really that deeply in love.

Exactly

group
@evastardust groupRRAAAARRL
RRAAAARRL

I don't get it either
So what if they don't want to have sex right away? If that's a major dealbreaker for you, then you're not really that deeply in love.

Exactly

If someone tried to tell me that they truly, deeply loved me and yet wouldn't be in a non-sexual relationship with me, I would not believe that they loved me.

:DDDDD
I COULDN'T GET ANY STUFF FROM THE BATTLESHIP OR ANYTHING BUT I'M GOING TO FIND A PRETTY ROCK FOR YOU IN TEXAS

what part of texas tho cuz uh I'm here too and the idea of someone being close ish is exciting

omg i know this is from a few pages back but hi i am a texas bean too. AFT I never knew you were a texas frond

!!! that's heckin cool

:DDDDD
I COULDN'T GET ANY STUFF FROM THE BATTLESHIP OR ANYTHING BUT I'M GOING TO FIND A PRETTY ROCK FOR YOU IN TEXAS

what part of texas tho cuz uh I'm here too and the idea of someone being close ish is exciting

omg i know this is from a few pages back but hi i am a texas bean too. AFT I never knew you were a texas frond

!!! that's heckin cool

:D ikr