what’s your current mood?

My mood is apathy mixed with cynicism.

I'm not sure.
I'm just…empty I guess.
I'm gonna see a therapist on Monday.

Yeah too bad it took 4 months to get an appointment.
Think of all the kids who didn't make it til their appointment because of shit like that, scheduling in October and not getting an appointment until January. It's bullshit.

Would you like to read a thing I wrote? It's kind of dark so I'll spoiler tag it.

"Geneva! Geneva, wait!" Jackson yelled, running after her. He reached over and grabbed her shoulder, and she turned to him, grey eyes blazing.

"I don't want to talk to you," she sneered, pulling her arm away from him. "I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine, okay?"

"You just had a breakdown, Gen, you're clearly not 'fine'," Jackson said, and Geneva shook her head.

"I'm fine, I told you I'm fine, I-" Geneva broke off, choking back a sob. She reached into her purse, hands shaking, and pulled out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. She lit one and placed it between her lips. Jackson gave her a confused look.

"I know it's not healthy, but I'm past the point of caring about it." Or about anything. She sat down on a bench, and Jackson sat down next to her.

"Listen, Gen. You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to, but if you need to, I'll listen," he said softly, and Geneva nodded. She tapped the cigarette on the bench, watched the ashes fall to the sidewalk, and dropped it, crushing it under her heel. Geneva tilted her head upwards, her eyes closing gently.

"It was a few years ago. Three, I think," she began quietly, deliberately, "I was working with this lawyer, Jasper Williams, on a case. A big one, first-degree murder. I was barely out of law school, and Jas took me under his wing. He was a great lawyer, and an even better friend." She laughed to herself. "And I know that sounds cheesy and sentimental, but it's true. We were on our way to court, me and Jasper and his wife Sasha. I was in the passenger seat. I had the suitcase…."

Geneva trailed off and inhaled sharply.

"You don't have to continue," Jackson said, taking her hand.

"No, I-I have to. We…we got to the intersection and the light was green so we went, we went and…." Geneva stopped suddenly, her breathing uneven.

"Geneva…."

"We weren't speeding. It was nine in the goddamn morning, we weren't drinking or texting or high or anything like that, but someone must have been. Outta nowhere there was this car, it hit the driver's side."

She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead on them.

"They pulled me out of the wreckage. My left arm was broken in three places, I was concussed, I had a bunch of broken ribs and a hairline fracture in my leg. And I was the lucky one."

"They said that Jasper died before they could get him to the hospital. And Sasha died en route. The light was green, Jackson! Green! We didn't do anything, we didn't-" she broke into tears.

"Geneva," Jackson said after a moment, "I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter, it's over now, it's over and I'm fine," Geneva rambled.

"You're not fine. Have you talked to anyone about this? Anyone except me?"

"Not really. I mean, it was all over the news for a year, I talked to plenty of reporters, you know? But no one who really cared."

"You should talk to someone. I'll talk to Becca if you want, she's a therapist, or Morgan, she probably knows someone," Jackson offered, and Geneva shook her head rapidly.

"I can't. I'm scared. I'm scared they'll put me in rehab or something, or lock me up like I'm crazy. I'm not crazy, I-I don't know what the hell I am anymore."

"You need to talk to someone, Gen. I've seen this happen before. You need to get help before it's too late," Jackson insisted.

"Have you? Have you seen something like this before?" She asked harshly, and Jackson winced. He took a deep breath.

"Because I didn't realize what I saw at first."

"What do you mean?"

"My first year with the Company, there was this girl named Margaret Mary. Everyone called her Meg. She was probably the nicest, most happy-go-lucky person I've ever met. That year we did Much Ado About Nothing. I was Benedick and she was Hero, so we weren't on stage much together. Meg was the youngest cast member, pretty much everyone's younger sister. So we were all shocked when the final show happened. There was a scene where Hero faints, you know? Meg passed out for a minute, like for real, but we kept going. Someone helped her offstage after the scene, she said she was fine. She went into her dressing room, and…the scene came where Claudio and Hero were supposed to get married for real, and she didn't come onstage. Bradley kept knocking on her door, telling her her scene was on, but she wouldn't answer. He panicked and got the door open. Meg overdosed before the show. She was out cold, and we cut the show short, called 911."

He paused.

"She didn't make it. I don't know if it was on purpose or on accident. All I know is that one of my friends died because I didn't realize what was happening to her, and I'm not letting that happen again."

Geneva didn't react, just sat still and processed it.

"I'm sorry."

"Well, like you said, it's over now," Jackson said softly.

"I guess we're both pretty messed up inside, aren't we?" Geneva asked, her voice cracking.

"Yeah. I guess we are."

SHIT THEY DIDN'T WORK AGAIN!!!!!
GODDAMMIT!

Oof, sorry bb.

No you don't. It's ok to be upset.

No you're not.
If you were making it up, you wouldn't constantly question if it was made up.

Indifferent.