Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

also is it weird that I can't really speak rn (or when I'm in this sorta mindset)? like yes I can but also no i cannot. technically, physically, yes I am able to say words if I try but it takes so much effort and energy for no reason?? and writing/typing is fine but I just Can't say words

Dude!!! I totally feel that!

heck yeah it's not just me

Yeah I could chat with you guys with lots of energy, but opening my mouth and making noise (especially noise louder than a murmur) somehow feels impossible and annoying if I actually have to do it.

^^^

The closest I've come to panic attacks are me being super paranoid and genuinely thinking I'm going to be murdered. Happened twice. Also sometimes when my dad yells at me. Also twice. And sometimes I get panicky and can't think straight but it's not a panic attack

In what way do they make you vulnerable?

Less paranoid iirc

Ella, it's okay to think "what's that noise?" or "I should not get into a car with this stranger", it's not healthy to think "oh my god, my grandpa is going to kill me, I need to figure out how to defend myself, now, before we get to the murder site, let me run scenarios in my mind of every way this could play out." At least, I'm pretty sure it's not but if it is, I'm probably one of the healthiest people on the planet
There's a certain amount of wariness that keeps you alive and allows you to continue to function like a normal human being, but there's something wrong when it happens at an extreme level all the time.

gonna go off on a limb here and make the very controversial and unique statement that maybe, perhaps, possibly, i do not actually particularly like being mentally ill all that much….. :O ?! shocking i know. i can't get anything done because my brain is made of dry macaroni noodles held together by glitter glue, so i feel stressed and anxious, so i engage in unproductive comfort behaviors, but this further prevents me from doing work, so i feel more stressed and anxious. and i keep forgetting to email my therapist back!!! and i don't know if i have enough money to pay for both my utilities AND my meds at least not without subsisting entirely off of ramen for the next month. i should do something about all of this but i CAN'T i'm so drained and fatigued and i'm cold no matter what i set the thermostat at but it's like almost 90 degrees outside? i am going to scream

it's okay, i just feel like my brain is so defective, like i keep telling myself when [insert material condition here] changes, i will be better, but maybe the problem is just with me. it sucks because underneath my total ineptitude at living i know i'm smart, people have faith in me and give me responsibility and grant money and good grades and i just feel like i don't deserve any of it and i'm disappointing everyone and it's all gonna fall apart sooner rather than later

tw

Bruh I feel that. Hoping this class won't drop my 3.5 GPA.

ah sorry i didn't even see this before i posted my long rambling comment. yup that is the absolute mood

Ay dude. I wouldn't give up just yet. Find a job, hang on to that, look out for opportunity. And make lots of friends in case you go down so you have a place to go.

Late to the party but I'd pay hundreds to see a Barbie adaptation of Shrek

i sort of wish there were different levels of vent-thread. i think the stuff i say here is too heavy and jarring. i apologize for my past few comments they weren’t good

i sort of wish there were different levels of vent-thread. i think the stuff i say here is too heavy and jarring. i apologize for my past few comments they weren’t good

We should have a light vent-thread, a vent-thread with a trigger warning, and a true crime podcast vent-thread for Pickles and I
And it's okay, fren!

i sort of wish there were different levels of vent-thread. i think the stuff i say here is too heavy and jarring. i apologize for my past few comments they weren’t good

We should have a light vent-thread, a vent-thread with a trigger warning, and a true crime podcast vent-thread for Pickles and I
And it's okay, fren!

yeah that’s exactly the sort of thing i meant, that’s a great idea! (although i’m not familiar enough yet with the culture of this site to determine/make the threads myself)

Why am I tearing up over Alice Oseman's Tumblr? Like I'm just browsing her character art and going like :']

i sort of wish there were different levels of vent-thread. i think the stuff i say here is too heavy and jarring. i apologize for my past few comments they weren’t good

We should have a light vent-thread, a vent-thread with a trigger warning, and a true crime podcast vent-thread for Pickles and I
And it's okay, fren!

Yo I'm filled with so many true crime vents

Why am I tearing up over Alice Oseman's Tumblr? Like I'm just browsing her character art and going like :']

That's the reaction everyone has to her art, like~

Why am I tearing up over Alice Oseman's Tumblr? Like I'm just browsing her character art and going like :']

That's the reaction everyone has to her art, like~

I had a big dumb smile the entire time I read Heartstopper

_{alright i think i found a solution if I can just be brave things should improve from here}

Solution to what?

Solution to what, Ella?
You're starting to worry me