Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

cuc

thank you for this fine addition to my collection of cursed nicknames

pronounced “ceuuc”

So not like- ah…

d O m

Don't worry Dom, I read it as "cuck" too-

Would ya look at that
It's self-loathing time :)

Don't you dare loathe yourself you remarkable human being >:(

this is so angsty and so dumb and could potentially be so triggering so #proceed #with #caution

anyway do you guys have that cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene? i don't, i love cilantro. do any of you not have it but dislike cilantro anyway because i know some people like that

this is so angsty and so dumb and could potentially be so triggering so #proceed #with #caution

Spoiler - click to show.

sometimes things happen that make me go "it wouldn't be so hard to kill myself. it wouldn't be so hard to just leave my corporeal form and die. i could buy a gun, i could technically afford it, because even though i only have enough money left for my utilities and meds, i wouldn't have to pay for those things if i was dead." sometimes things happen that make me go like that!! lately those things have been happening in rapid succession!! and the good old u.s. of a will let people with previous suicide attempt hospitalizations who take psychiatric meds buy guns anyway so it'll be fine! except i'm not gonna do it because i'm indecisive and even when i'm absolutely miserable and everything i see reminds me of how meaningless my life is and how unprepared i am to experience any kind of meaning because i'm weak, i still can't do it because right before the event horizon i'm like "oh what if people get sad and miss me" 1. THEY WON'T QUEEN! 2. if they do, won't they be better off in the long run??? i don't contribute anything i don't provide anything of value i'm just lazy and pretentious and boring and idle and everything that comes out of my mouth is insignificant and dumb i'm so weak i'm so weak i'm so weak i'm so weak i'm so WEAK i fucking hate myself i really do. and i'm not even hot to make up for what an empty shell of a person i am!!!! that's just salt in the wound :'( i wish i could go outside and get hit by a truck but i'd feel bad for the truck driver. you're not responsible for my death buddy, i am, don't feel bad mr. hypothetical truck driver. also don't feel bad either way because i'm not gonna actually do it

anyway do you guys have that cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene? i don't, i love cilantro. do any of you not have it but dislike cilantro anyway because i know some people like that

1. I would miss you, if it means anything

1. I don't like cilantro but I don't have the gene. I have autism though so sensory stuff is weird with me and there's just something about the taste that I dislike except as like a minor note.

I put three not one, but for some reason Notebook corrected it??? Except now it's wrong???

<3

(i do think cilantro is best as a minor note even though i like it, so i see where you're coming from)

<3
(It's very good in like…Texas caviar and stuff but I don't like super cilantro-heavy stuff. It's a fun word to say though)

i'm gonna name my future child cilantro just for the hell of it

Lani for short

Or Ro! Ro is a cute nickname, although that might be the Barbie Island Princess in me talking

my #1 goal in life is to ALWAYS serve barbie island princess realness

That peacock dress is a look and ho boy is it a good one-

What happened?

Do you want to keep in touch with them? Frankly, I'd say to go for it and keep it up, I've lost a handful of close friends by falling out of touch and now I'm too scared to message them since we haven't spoken in like a year.

i don't know

probably not

i also fear that one of my once closest friends might be dead

they've deleted all social media and won't answer texts

sh

Spoiler - click to show.

the only thing that's stopped me from cutting myself to death has been hiding knives and using the Rubber Band method. but i've still relapses numerous times since I left nb and I hate myself for it, and honestly i'd rather just be dead at this point.

Can you call their parents, or the cops or something?

If we're doing recommendations, read Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty.

We fly to your house, break you out in the middle of the night, and we all fly off into the distance with your chinchildren, leaving a trail of rainbow glitter behind us

I'm sorry I'm not good at comforting