I furrowed my brow. “What is Terrasule?”
“Hell.” he said.
Okay, let’s get one thing straight, i actually believe this because one, i got stabbed so i'm pretty dead, two there has to be something after death, nothing or something, and three, there was a door that said Terrasule next to me.
CRITIUQE Please.
Capitalize the word "i", first of all.
“Hell.” he said.
correct this to
"Hell," he said.
Always use commas instead of periods in your dialogue. ! and ? are okay, though.
two there has to be something after death,
put a comma after the word "two". It'll help the sentence flow better.
hope this helps!
person_off
Deleted user
Capitalize the word "i", first of all.
“Hell.” he said.
correct this to
"Hell," he said.
Always use commas instead of periods in your dialogue. ! and ? are okay, though.
two there has to be something after death,
put a comma after the word "two". It'll help the sentence flow better.
hope this helps!
^^^ I agree with Ravens on all of this, and also, your last sentence is a bit run-on.
"Okay, let’s get one thing straight: I actually believe this because one, I got stabbed so I'm pretty dead; two, there has to be something after death, nothing or something; and three, there was a door that said Terrasule next to me."
I'd do that with the punctuation to fix it. I hope this is helpful :)
(By the way, your story seems really cool! I'd love to read more of it)