Please critique my poetry?

I'm trying to write a collection of poetry to enter to a contest next fall, and I need opinions and constructive criticism.

Here's one:

                                               Nonet (untitled)
		
                                      There’s mercury all up in her head
                                       Melodies swirlin’ ‘round again
                                      Press her back against the wall
                                           Icy ink stains fingers
                                            Memories collapse
                                              Emotions dead 
                                               Eyes blurry
                                               She's lost
                                                  gone.

I like it! I think you might need a couple more spaces for the formatting, just as a quick note. One thing I noticed was that in the beginning, you had a sort of sound, if that makes any sense? Your first couple lines flowed super well because of the similarity in the reading of the last words, but that wasn’t in the last ones, and it’s kind of trippy the first couple times you read it? Other than that, it’s pretty good and I like it

The formatting is off because the chat programming doesn't like me copy/pasting from my google doc, and I'm actually pleased that the last few lines tripped you up, because that was intentional.

Then that’s perfect! If that was your intention, you pulled it off lmao.

I think that it's really well-written. The line saying 'she stopped' could be altered, though. I believe that 'she's lost' might fit the tone better, that being said, if it even fits the original rules of the poem type you have selected. That's my only criticize, otherwise well done!

I really like that, and it fits the rules very well!! If you don't mind, I'd like to use your idea. I only will with your permission though.

bows It's yours now, you don't need to ask!

THANK YOU!!! <3