All Is Hell That Ends With ‘Fair’(Closed ~ One-on-One ~ Rated a possible M)

Cyrus was a bit stiffer than normal in response to the kisses, and he startled a bit upon seeing the other's hand.
"What the hell did he do to you?" he whispered, shuddering a bit.
He placed a hand on Marcus' shoulder, trying to ground himself a bit with the other's presence.

Marcus lowered his hand and looked down at it guiltily.
“He pulled a gun on me. I grabbed it with my hand stupidly. Pollux says it won’t be too hard after some adjusting to it.” He looked a little calm for someone who was talking about fingers he had just lost. Marcus was still blocking out the emotional shock and trauma that came with the accident. He didn’t want to feel all of that pain at once. It was too much.
To distract himself, Marcus placed his good hand on Cyrus’s and closed his eyes.
“I hope I’ll still be able to play violin… if I can’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I love it so much.”

"That's your bowing hand, yeah?" Cyrus asked, "I'm sure you'll figure out how to do it just fine. And… you're no more stupid than I am under pressure. I'm just glad you made it out alive. I was… I was really worried that things would turn out bad. Worse than they did."
He shifted a bit.
"By the way, Nina dispatched a couple of people for cleanup. So… yeah… that should be taken care of soon."
Cyrus studied his lover's face carefully.
"You're holding a lot back, aren't you?"

“It is.” He replied, nodding his head at the encouragement. He was sure he could figure it out. Or at least he hoped so. He had to be able to figure it out or he couldn’t live without music. He’d have to find another way to play.
“Oh. That’s good. I’ll have to thank her for everything she’s done for us… but yeah, I’m glad it didn’t go worse than it did. I’m still here and alive and you’re still here and alive. That’s all we need.”
The question threw Marcus for a loop. He stared at Cyrus for a long time, his eyes starting to water and his expression growing pained. He nodded with a soft whimper and dipped his head down to hide his face.
“Y-yeah… a lot…”

"You don't have to," Cyrus reassured him, "I know you've been through a lot. And I'm sure you're hurting too."
He held Marcus' good hand.
"Feel free to cry if it'll make you feel better, love. Sometimes it's best to let it all out. Especially now that it's over. Now that you're safe."
His chest hitched a bit as he got unexpectedly choked up with tears.
"My god, now you're safe from that son of a bitch…"
He wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye and bit down on his lip.

Marcus tightened his grip when their hands met, nodding slowly to the words as he shook from the effort of staying calm.
“I’m free, Cy, I’m finally free… I can love you and hug you and I don’t have to worry constantly about him finding out about us. I can be with you and I can live… I can do so much…” he rambled, his words making little sense to even himself as he burst into tears and continued to babble.
Marcus hung off of Cyrus, pressing closer to him and tangling his fingers in the other’s shirt.

"There's going to be… a lot of healing to do, in more ways than one," Cyrus sighed, brushing a hand through the other's hair, "but now we can finally move on to that. I'm so relieved…"
Meanwhile, Pollux was getting out of the shower and getting dressed. God, he felt so angry at Cyrus, but he couldn't just snap on him. That wouldn't be fair.
He went back into the living room and sat down on the chair opposite to the two other men.
"I can order us some Chinese takeout in a bit. I don't really have the energy to cook."
The gaze that had settled on Cyrus was piercing. Cyrus didn't miss a beat, but instead of confronting Pollux, he did his best to ignore him and keep an eye on Marcus.
"That's fine with me," Cyrus agreed, his voice coming out very soft- not quite scared, but gentle, like he was trying to prevent anything from escalating.

Marcus sniffled in response and tugged on Cyrus’s clothes, a silent plea to stay close. He couldn’t bare to be alone at the moment. He didn’t want to be anywhere else but here with Cyrus. It made him feel oddly safe. No other lover had done that much for him.
Only when he had calmed down enough to stop his sobbing did Marcus look up, expecting a different expression from Pollux. It took him aback. Yes, Marcus was mildly upset that Cyrus hadn’t been around while he was getting patched up, but that was only because he missed his boyfriend and liked the comfort. Marcus binge drank often himself. At this point he only understood it was bad though he didn’t really care if it was. It got rid of the pain for a small moment of time. And that was enough for him to accept it.
Though with this new opportunity to live a new, free life, Marcus wanted to stop his bad habits. Maybe he could fix them, and help Cyrus fix his too. It would be worth the shot.
“Chinese does sound good…” Marcus started hesitantly, leaning more against Cyrus as he spoke. “But I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep anything down.” His stomach agreed with him. It churned and lurched at the mere thought of food. Even if he was starving and even if he knew sugar would be good for him, he still felt sick and just wrong.

"That's alright," Pollux replied, "Do you want me to order you some soup, or something else that might be a little easier on your stomach?"
Cyrus stroked through Marcus' hair.
"That'd probably be a good idea, yeah."
"Did you want anything specific?"
Cyrus shrugged. "Not really, whatever you wanted to order is fine."
He kept holding Marcus gently, as if afraid he was going to break him.
"Love, do you need more to drink? Something doesn't feel right."

"Soup sounds good…" He murmured softly, closing his eyes and enjoying the way Cyrus's fingers felt in his hair. It gave him goosebumps in the best way possible. He breathed in a deep sigh and snuggled more against his lover.
He listened to Pollux and Cyrus chat for a moment before he opened his eyes to look up at his boyfriend with tired eyes.
"Just feeling overwhelmed and a little sick. I'll be alright, Cyrus. Maybe some sort of fruit juice or something to pull my sugar or iron up."

"Yeah, I'll go get some for you," Pollux replied, "You definitely need it."
Cyrus accepted Marcus' snuggling closer as Pollux walked away.
"God, I'm just so happy you're alive. You don't even know…" he whispered.
Pollux set the cup down on the table next to Marcus, a lot harder than he intended. He'd been trying to contain his frustration with Cyrus, more or less, but it was becoming increasingly hard.
"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?" Cyrus snapped, "You can't just keep that to yourself for a bit? Marcus is a lot more important right now."
Pollux scoffed, but was otherwise silent.

Marcus opened his mouth to reply only to be cut off by the sound of the cup. He jumped slightly, looking to the cup with distaste. He sat up slowly, using Cyrus as a sort of crutch purely because he liked the contact it brought.
"It's fine Cyrus. I'm alright." He huffed, picking up the cup and tilting it to his lips. It tasted sweet and it felt nice to finally drink something after so much had happened. But his stomach and throat resisted the drink far more than he had expected it to.
He managed to swallow it down, trying to gag discretely as his nausea grew to an uncomfortable level.
"Fuck…" He muttered, staring down at the contents of the cup and scowling.

Pollux dumped out the contents of a plastic grocery bag and passed it over to Marcus when he first thought the other might throw up, but the small wave of panic passed.
"I can bring the trash can over here in case," he offered, "Just take smaller sips, throw up if you need to. Hate to say it, but once you let it all out, you might feel better, if a bit dehydrated."
Cyrus kept both hands on Marcus, gently reassuring him through the way he touched him, even if he hadn't said anything yet.
"It's normal to feel nauseous when you've lost blood like that. Not to mention as an emotional response," Cyrus said, rubbing his back and holding out the other, "Need me to hold the cup for a minute?"

“Y-yeah. It might be best to, just in case.” Marcus replied, his voice small. He leaned most of his weight against his boyfriend and groaned softly.
“I hate it. I hate being so weak like this, Cy.” He complained weakly as he gave the cup to Cyrus and settled more into him.
“I know I can’t help it but I hate it all so much.” He huffed, closing his eyes.

"Yeah, of course," Pollux agreed, going to bring over the trash can, "I'll order dinner shortly."
Cyrus let out a little sigh.
"I have been there, baby. And trust me, I know how much it sucks. But you've got us to help you get back on your feet, and if you just let it happen, be gentle on yourself… it'll be over before you know it. And now a lot of the worries that were there before aren't anymore, so it'll be easier to relax."
Upon setting down the trash can, Pollux went back to sit down, holding his phone and dialing a number in.
"Your usual, Cyrus?" he asked.
Cyrus gave a simple nod and went back to soothing Marcus while the other made the phone call.

Marcus thanked Pollux once again, watching as he pulled the trash can over. He kept fairly close to it, just in case.
He pushed his face against Cyrus, sighing deeply.
“I know… I just don’t like it.” He huffed, pouting softly as he let the other soothe him. Secretly, he really liked the attention from his boyfriend but he wouldn’t admit it for fear of coming off as clingy or attention seeking.
“Thank you Pollux” Marcus said softly as the other dialed in the food. “You’ve done a lot for us.”

"I mean, you could've died if I hadn't stepped in. I wasn't going to let that happen," Pollux replied.
Cyrus let out a soft sigh. "Sorry about all this, though. I know you just got discharged… and I know you must be exhausted. If I can do anything at all, please let me know."
"Yeah, I am fucking exhausted, thanks for the concern," he snapped, "I didn't do this for you, Cyrus. There's not much you can do for now, but I'll be taking you up on that offer later for sure."
Cyrus' hand squeezed Marcus a little tighter at the small spike in hostility. He didn't say anything in return besides giving a nod, afraid he would irritate the other more.

Marcus remained silent. He could feel the hostility in the air and it burned another hole in his already burnt out brain.
Instead of even try to deal with the hostility or the apparent distaste in Pollux’s voice, Marcus let himself fade in and out of consciousness, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to him.
“Hush you two… I hurt.” Marcus mumbled sleepily, shaking his head and gripping Cyrus’s hand tightly.

Cyrus stroked Marcus' hair and cast a serious glare at Pollux, shaking his head.
Not right now, he mouthed.
"Love, could you try to drink a little more before you go to sleep? You're probably really dehydrated. Don't want you to wake up feeling worse," Cyrus murmured.
He wasn't too shaken by the frustration and anger Pollux was showing. In fact, it wasn't unexpected. It was completely justified. However, he acknowledged again and again that was a problem for later. He had to make sure Marcus pulled through alright before confronting anything else.

Marcus groaned softly but sat up nevertheless. He took the cup once again and sipped on it slowly, growling each time his stomach lurched uncomfortably.
“How much more?” He asked, looking up at Cyrus and nuzzling into him.

"As much as you're able to," Cyrus replied softly, "If it's not much, that's okay, but it's important to drink to make up for the blood loss."
He stroked through Marcus' hair.
"I love you a lot."

Marcus hummed at the feeling of fingers in his hair, leaning towards the touch and sighing. "I love you a lot too, Cy." He murmured, slowly sipping at the contents of the drink. Each time a new wave of nausea grew too much to bear, Marcus would pause his drinking and sit silently. After a bit he set it down and shook his head.
"Can't drink any more of it… Too sick. I wanna sleep it off." He huffed, pressing his face into Cyrus's neck. "God I feel like I'm not even here…"

"That's okay," Cyrus replied, continuing to physically soothe his partner, "And what do you mean exactly? Are you like disoriented, or dissociated, or…?"
He was fussing over Marcus a bit, but that was okay. The other deserved all his care, even if he felt he was a little over the top.
Pollux got up to get himself some water, and he filled an ice tray with water while he was at it.
"Hey, I'll get you some ice cubes to suck on instead as soon as these freeze up," he said, "They shouldn't make you as nauseous. Obviously it's better if you can eat and drink, but I totally understand why you can't. I mean, if I'd taken you to the hospital, they would've put you on IV fluids for sure, but that's obviously not an option. This is the best we've got."
"Feel free to rest on me," Cyrus murmured to Marcus, "I'll probably take a nap too if you do. I feel like shit and probably just need to sleep it off."
"You need some water, too," Pollux sighed, getting Cyrus a cup too while he was up, "Alcohol dehydrates you. I'm sure your mouth feels dry- I mean… even the slightest of hangovers will do that to you."
He offered the drink to Cyrus, who took it in his free hand.
"Yeah… thanks," Cyrus replied, "You're not wrong. I drank some water before I left my place, but more couldn't hurt."
(Is it bad half of my writing blood loss consists of the typical online research, and the other half is personal experience from being a lightweight at blood drives and amping those sensations up? Bc I've nearly passed out every time I've given blood, and almost vomited the first time when I tried to sit up lmao)

“Is both an option?” He asked softly, letting Cyrus fuss over him. Despite his confused brain and aching body, his lover’s touch brought warmth and love and he wanted as much of it as he could get.
“Ice would be wonderful, much easier to drink.” He agreed, watching Pollux with guilt. He felt bad for interrupting the man’s life with all of this but he was grateful at the same time. Pollux had saved his life. Marcus couldn’t be more grateful.
“Thank you again. Though an IV would be nice I don’t need it. You’ve done enough for us. Thank you.” He turned his head to look at Cyrus, smiling weakly and nuzzling against his cheek. He nodded ever so slightly as water was brought up again. “You do need water, Cy. It’ll help a lot. Alcohol is bad in the way it sucks like all of the water out of you - not really but like it feels that way after doesn’t it?”

(Lol no, I get that! Lots of my anxious characters are based off my symptoms and either dulled or heightened. And honestly I feel you on the blood loss thing, I’m anemic so I get dizzy and sick a lot while they take my blood so I feel you like 100%!! It sounds scary to pass out though, I haven’t yet but I’ve felt the nausea for sure. I hope afterwords you got showered in tons of good food (they used to give me a donut after so I hope you got something good too!) and lots of rest and care!)

Cyrus took a few sips of water. His headache was finally starting to dull from the medicine he'd taken earlier, even if he was still exhausted.
"Yeah, it does dehydrate you…" he murmured, still feeling intensely ashamed.
Just be mad at me, feel something negative about this, dammit!
He kept stroking through the other's hair, as it was a comfort to both of them.
"Hey, I'm gonna go do another breathing treatment," Pollux murmured, "Left some cash on the counter if the food gets here before I'm done."
The statement caused Cyrus to pause a bit, his hand stilling where it was tangled in Marcus' hair.
"You're pushing yourself too hard, aren't you?"
"Maybe a little? I'm taking it easy for the rest of the night, though."
Cyrus gave a little nod, nuzzling into Marcus' hair.
"If you say so."

(They do that at least lmao. Also it's actually a really good writing approach? For other examples, I couldn't understand how to write a drunk character until I had been drunk myself. And same with panic attacks. They're kind of hard to write unless you've experienced it.)

Marcus pushed his face more against Cyrus, trying to block out the light and sound for even just a moment. He hummed gently at the touch of Cyrus. He lifted his head to kiss Cyrus's jaw softly, humming in response to Pollux's words.
"Go rest, Pollux…" he murmured, wrapping his arms around Cyrus's neck with a soft yawn. "You've done enough, okay? Do your breathing treatment and then rest. Please, don't overwork yourself."
And then he pushed his face once again against Cyrus, breathing him in and relaxing. He playfully nipped at his boyfriend's jaw, laughing gently.
"Can we cuddle? Please?"

(It is! Experiences are the best to incorporate into writing because you understand the experiences more and can feel it. Its neat! They are hard to write unless you've experienced it, I haven't been drunk personally (I have a big thing against alcohol for myself but I don't care if others drink. Go ahead, I'll be the designated driver) but I've seen friends and others drink and I use their explanations and actions to kinda help.)

"Of course," Cyrus replied, "That's all I want right now, honestly."
There was a very distinct tiredness to his voice, bordering on sadness.
His gaze was glued on Marcus' injured hand, and he wondered how the other was so calm about all of this.
"How's the pain and all that right now?" he asked, still clearly worried and fussing over his boyfriend.
(Yeah, completely understandable. I just didn't really understand it all personally until being around drunk people + drinking myself + taking some psych courses that talked about how it works. Because the stereotype that people just do stupid shit while they're drunk is just a little off the mark. It mostly just lowers inhibition, which can make you do stupid shit, but not always. And you have to be really, really drunk to blackout, throw up, etc. Never been there, never plan to.)

“It’s all I want now too…” he whispered, his voice toned down to nearly silent.
He had caught onto Cyrus’s worry, and the guilt had returned again, like a tide that couldn’t make up its mind to be high or low. Marcus shifted his hand out of sight and attempted to redirect Cyrus’s eyes onto his face.
“The pain is filled. I think I’m a little bit in shock about it all. Tomorrow I will probably be in a lot of pain once the reality of what happened falls on me. But right now, I feel alright. Only a throbbing pain and a strange emptiness. It feels like I should be able to move the fingers that aren’t there anymore. It’s weirding me out.” He murmured, frowning slightly as he wiggled his good fingers.
“But please, don’t fuss over me. It’ll be alright, Cy. It’s my payment for living on. I can afford to lose a few fingers if it means I can lay here with you, free and happy.”

(Exactly!! Psych helped me a lot too! I’ve learned a lot but I definitely don’t know it all. I’m willing to learn more, however!! And I hope I never come across as that type of psych student who’s always kinda snooty about their knowledge. If I am, feel free to call me out on it. And the drunk thing, Yeup!!! There’s a lot of info about drinking thats misinformed.)

"Y-yeah… but it still sucks. I know I couldn't have stopped it but I- I don't know. My brain keeps wanting to find ways to blame this on me," Cyrus sighed, nuzzling into Marcus for comfort, "And I'm just so surprised you're not mad at me at all… unless you're just doing a really good job of hiding it."
"I'm glad you're doing okay though, all things considered. You look rough, but you could be doing a lot worse. And I'll be here to take care of you as much as you need along the way, now that we have no one stopping us."
He let out a long sigh and went for another sip of water.
"Just let me know what you need, and I'll do it for you."

(Nah, it's always cool to talk to someone with similar interests. I'm not a major- just a psych minor, but a ton of my friends at school are in psychology or other humanities, and those are my people lmao)

Marcus let out a soft hum, tangling his fingers in Cyrus’s hair for a moment.
“I’m not mad at you. I was afraid and a little disappointed when you didn’t answer my call or come right away but I forgive you for that. Next time please give me a heads up, though… I’d like to know you’re okay and not killed by one of Marx’s goons…” he murmured, letting out a soft huff of air. He wasn’t mad. Maybe a little upset, but that could wait. He wasn’t feeling like confronting the issue yet.
“Just cuddle me… You’re here with me now and that’s all I could ask for.”

(Phew! Haha, a minor counts tho, you learn a lot still, ya know? Though I feel you, theyre my people too)