Back to Where We Once Were....(oxo) (closed)

A fever, stress, being overwhelmed, overworked; none of that compares to the inner turmoil within him, but he cannot say anything about it. Not that he cannot yet rather he should not. If only his heart wouldn't flutter everytime Ivory touched his cheek.

Anytime Max looks over at Ivory, he wonders what it would be like if he leaned over to kiss him. He wondered what their lips would feel like pressed against each other. His hand lightly laying above Ivory's heart…. It is not something a man should be thinking about when he looks at his best friend. There are other things he could think of, but he has to think the worst of course.

Words flew around his head before wrapping around and squeezing it. The feeling of not telling Ivory would be worse, and so is the possibility of telling him. Damned if he do, damned if he don't. Either way he will be a terrible person, but this suffocating feeling hugging him right now is also terrible.

Maximillian lowered his chin to glimpse at Ivory's hand on top of his. Finally, he mustered up some courage to speak. "I am worried. I am worried about my feelings for you. It isn't natural, but I find myself in love with you, Ivory." He moved Ivory's hand away from his then looked away. "That is why ny face is red. That is why my forehead is damp with perspiration. I am afraid I can't stop it for I am a terrible person."

This must be his Pandora's box that he was never meant to open. Now he has to deal with all the monsters that he has let out. Which ones are the monsters? Better yet, is there any monsters to begin with? The weight on his chest had become lighter, but he knew that he just dropped it onto Ivory.

"Yes. I am in love with you," He nodded. "I would marry you if I could." His lips trembled. "I look at you the same way I look at women….but I am not attracted to them as much as I am to you. It's been this way for a long time, Ivory." Everything in him became shaky. His whole body was engulfed in some sort of fire that he cannot put out.

Tears welled up in his eyes. Regret and relief fought inside his heart. Max shook his head. Ivory isn't terrible; he's far from it. He is like an angel graced by God with beauty, kindness, and intelligence. The sun is no match for him at all.

"Huh?" Max swiftly moved down. Taking Ivory's hand, he placed it over his heart while using the other to hold his cheek. "Ivory, it's okay…It's okay, Ivory…" He shouldn't have said those things about his feelings not being natural or him being terrible for holding such feelings. But he was taught these things to be true, is it not?

"Just follow my breathing and feel my heart beating, alright?" He swallowed. Staring at Ivory, he took three long and slow exhales. His thumb rubbed against the side of Ivory's hand. "Look. Disregard my thinking, it's rubbish. I still love you even if I am terrible or odd or anything because of it. I do not care about that, I only care about you deeply. Sending you in a worried state is much worse."

From his ears to the tip of his chin, it was all flared in red. When Ivory repeated about Max's dream of marrying him, Max hesitantly nodded. He knows it will never happen. No one will allow it to. And even now, he still dreams of it. "Huh?" Could such a thing like marriage ever be possible?

His mind was hyperactive. It bounced all over the place causing him to panic when Ivory gasped. Is something going wrong? His eyes ran around before settling back on his…uh….his…..friend? Yes, his friend…

Regardless, he struck multiple chords within Ivory. He looked back into Ivory's eyes while squeezing his hand. How long has he had these dreams for? Maximillian wondered if they were similar to the ones he would have; the ones that he still has. Deep down, he hoped that Ivory still held those dreams and feelings. He wasn't sure what to make of this hope.

"You can never be such things. Ivory, you are heavenly as the clouds above," He breathed. The smile that grew on his face as he spoke soon disappeared as his lips quivered. They slightly frowned as he lowered his head, looking away from Ivory. "But I should have kept this to myself. I do not want to upset you or lose you…I'd rather keep these feelings hidden if that meant I still have you in my life as a friend."

"I need you in my life. This is why when I was away, it was difficult not having you there…There were days where I yearned to hear your voice…I needed to in order to go on." He froze for a moment, staring down at Ivory's hand he had placed over his heart. "For all this time you have been in my life, I cannot go on without you, Ivory. I cannot, yet I feel like my feelings will ensure my fears of losing you…not having you in my life."

Eloping. If they elope, then where will they go? He has a job offer in Stockholm, but would Ivory go all the way there with him? What will become of Ivory's mother or the estate? What will happen to them? All of these what-ifs stacking upon one another yet only one thing was apparent: he wants to be with Ivory. He wants to be able to wake up in the morning and see Ivory laying next him.

"Ivory…Is this your way of proposing to me?" Letting go of Ivory's one hand, Max kissed the back of it. "Yes…Yes I will marry you…yes I will elope with you as long as this is what you wish." Tears may be filling up in his eyes and his worries are all over the place, but he smiled. He laughed as a few tears fell. Rest assured they were tears of joy and relief.

Listening to Ivory made him untangle. All the nerves that wrapped around bundling him up had held him tightly for so long. It kept squeezing him till now. Now he had to fight the tears that most certainly will win if he doesn't keep constantly blinking. He isn't sure what kind of tears they are now, but the urge to cry is there.

His hand stroked the side of Ivory's face. "I promise you that I will never go to any corner of this world without you at my side. I'd rather die than be away from you again." It may be quite cliche to say that he cannot live without him, but he cannot live without him. All those years away while studying; sometimes he wanted to give up because of the pain of loneliness.

Maximillian stared at Ivory the same way he has been for years with wide eyes of fondness. The longing, yearning made his heart ached. Ivory's words relieved him of this aching. Max breathed, "I love you, Ivory."

Oh heavens, his excitement must have made him way too thrilled. The thought of his raging giddiness made him become sheepish. "Ivory, it is a suggestion that I am incredibly fond of." Max tried to use the back of his hand to wipe away any tears that try to fall from his eyes. "Yes! Let's take our time. You have no need to worry, I will be at your side." He laughed softly. It may be childish, but he had wanted to propose to Ivory first. Definitely would be lovely to in the garden or in the spring when everything will be in bloom.

In these moments, he had forgotten about Ivory's illness. He wondered if this was all too much for Ivory. They share the same feelings for each other. It is like a dream come true for Max. On the other hand, this is a lot for him to deal with; he is sure that is must be the same for his beloved. Between the illness, paralyzed hands, him being back, and now the new turn in their relationship, there must be a lot of stress being put on his beloved.

The kiss on his palm left him still. No more was there a fight between him and the tears that may fall. Dreams and desire collided as he sat there with wide eyes. They gleamed a little, staring Ivory. His heart thumped.

Gently, he carefully moved his arms around his dear. Maximillian rested his chin over Ivory's shoulder. "Oh, my dear Ivory," He cooed then kissed the side of Ivory's cheek. This moment is just everything to him; it will play in his head over and over again. But yet, something feels off. Nothing major, although it is enough to make him a bit worried. "Is everything alright? Anything that I can do for you, Ivory?"

Max laughed. This feeling of happiness coursing through him, he hadn't felt something like that in years. Something like the soft blush on Ivory's face just gave him meaning to beam.

He sighed. "The body takes time to heal," He pointed out. "Regardless of time and speed, I will be here with you, no matter how long it takes…So do not make haste, it may do you no good too." All he said was true. While he is going to do everything in his power to held aid Ivory and his body to recovery, he will be with him the whole time, even if it takes awhile for there to be any sign of progress. There will be, he can guarantee it.

"Oh it is alri-" His heart almost jumped out of his throat. Sounds of footsteps against floor rang in his ears. He quickly stood up.

"Fuck-" As swiftly as possible, he got off from the bed and went to kneel in front of his bag. His glasses slid off and fell onto the floor as he pretended to look for something. Everything was blurry. Details were unfocused past his elbow.

When he looked over his shoulder at the door, there was only blurs. He picked up his glasses, wiping the lenses carefully before standing up and putting them on. Maximillian's expression remained rather nonchalant, but his eyes were more better at showing the truth of his bleakness and inner turmoil. Still he held himself tall with shoulders rolled back. He kept his eyes away from Ivory.

(omg i love The Weeknd! i think it fits them too. i really do love that song)

Max did in fact misunderstood Ivory. Even when he has to think as a doctor, he often finds himself missing certain social cues and not picking up specific context clues. A lot of things fly over his head of it isn't particularly of medical nature. Worst part is is that sometimes he doesn't even notice this at all.

How could he in this moment? He looked away from Ivory, worrying that his eye contact could give a lot away. The color of his face was finally returning to its natural complexion. It is difficult to hide all of these feelings again. While it may be a foolish thing to want, he wishes that he doesn't have to hide these feelings. This, he knows, would be impossible.

He stood at the end of the bed with hands held in front of him. When being greeted by the servant, his lips thinned as he gave a nod. The tray faintly glinted in the corner of his eye. Max turned slightly to take a look at the food.

Appears that Her Grace is heeding his instructions which he is very grateful for. Of course, it is up to Ivory to further this, but he will not enforce anything. It is up to the patient to decide after all. So when Ivory said he wasn't hungry, he knew best to leave it at that.

As he placed his hand on Malcolm's shoulder, he stepped forward and smiled faintly. "I will come fetch for you when His Grace is ready to eat, if that is alright with him, of course." Maximillian finally gazed over at Ivory. He bit the inside of his cheek to deal with his heart jumping around.

Max bit the inside of his cheek. His gaze kept going all over the place. Not solely because he worried about getting caught, but because his worry made his mind run into so many corners. He needs to be constantly looking around. His right index and thumb lightly tugged the edge of his sleeve.

Staring down at his shoes, he gave Malcom a nod as his way of saying thanks and bye. When the servant had left the room, a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Hearing Ivory's voice made him shiver. It was soothing to him. His beloved's assurances helped settle his mind.

Slowly, he made his way over to the bedside. He placed his hand on Ivory's shoulder while staring at the food. Small steps are important and beneficial, but not when they are forced. "I did advise your mother to put forth some effort in eating, although only as much or little as you can," He mumbled. "I can put the tray aside if you wish."

Taking an apple slice, he broke a little piece off at the corner. The slice was already so thin. It would be nice to see what happens if Ivory tries to eat something even if it was as simple as a small piece of an apple slice. He held it down to his dear Ivory. "It is alright. Try this, but I am fine if you do not. I am here for you either way."

That mesmerizing smile left him breathless. Maximillian was no match for Ivory and his beaming grin. He smiled back, "Oh how you flatter me, my dear Ivory. I am glad to be of help."

Any small positive progress is still progress. Seeing Ivory eat the small piece without any negative reactions is more than enough to give him hope. Yes it was only a tiny bit, but that is all he needs. Max moved to kiss the top of his beloved's head.

"I will stay for as long as you need me." The hand that rested on Ivory's shoulder trailed up to brush through his hair. Then he broke off another tiny piece, handing it to his dear. "Only eat as much as you can. Please do not force yourself. I am here with you."

Max gawked as his love snickered. His jaw hung open as his face turned red. Once he closed his mouth, he swallowed then shook his head. In a joking manner, he scoffed, "Oh, you devil! I do not believe I need to say anything. You have a talent for doing so already."

And it is true. For those words…Those words. That heavenly God-forsakened voice. The things Max would do just to be at Ivory's side till his last dying breath. Even in the after life, he wants to spend eternity by his side. Notions of honor and pride are outweighed by what he feels for this man he has been captivated by for years.

His hand combed through his beloved's hair again. The silky feeling made it tempting for him to do. It was calming to him for it is one of the many features of Ivory that he loves. "I would cease to exist if you are not in my life, Ivory. Each breath I take, I breathe for you. Till the end of time, I am yours."

The look of the plate made him sigh, yet he smiled when Ivory looked up at him. "Let's not focus on eating for a moment, Ivory. You have done your part, exceptionally," He reassured, placing the tray on the nightstand. After smoothing out the sheets, he kissed his dearly on the cheek. "You really have made progress. You should be proud of yourself."

Something about Ivory makes him feel more enamored. "I do not want to leave you, Ivory." His sunshine in a crowd of clouds. His ray of light in a dark night. Whenever Max is with him, he feels like he is at home. Seeing those flushed cheeks gave him the desire to kiss them all over. His lips buzzed at the near thought of doing so.

The murmurs made his thoughts stop in their tracks. If he were to be frank, it would be more ideal for Ivory to eat more than he did, but he also would rather have him eat two small pieces than nothing at all. Introducing food again is complicated. Max has had patients who purge after having a meager bite of bread, but most of them have gotten better in a matter of days. Patience is truly a virtue. Nonetheless, he decided to not say anything. Idling on the subject could sour his beloved's mood.

"How about this…" Max leaned into Ivory. His face radiated with a smile as he kept stroking his love's hair. "What if I stayed for the night? I could arrange to leave tomorrow at the time I did yesterday that way we can spend the night together. I will take care of you. Perhaps read you a story or two. Accidentally fall asleep on your shoulder. Wake up together…What do you say, my dear Ivory?"

Stay. Oh that word. How could he ever leave this man's side? Just the thought of having to made him frown. It would have caused his heart to sink within his chest, but feeling Ivory's arms around his waist prevented this from happening. His heart was always fluttering when it came to his love, but Ivory had always found ways to make it leap again and again.

Max giggled at the sight of Ivory's eyes. If they grew any wider, he would've been able to see himself in those gorgeous irises. "Of course, my love, my Ivory," He breathed. After planting a kiss on the top of his dear's head, he gingerly twirled a strand of Ivory's hair. They are together now, and they will be together tonight. He was looking forward to it, for he already saw the stars when they beamed from Ivory's eyes.

Gently, he used his hand to take a hold of Ivory's chin. His thumb stroked the side of it as he spoke. "You have always been kind and caring, my love," Max smiled. "There's no need, I'd rather sleep with you. I want to wake up with the love of my life beside me." He kissed Ivory's right cheek then caressed it.

Max squinted his eyes before having to look away. Oh Lord, all of the things he had thought about when it came to Ivory, all of the things he will think about. "With someone as handsome as you, it's impossible not to," He chuckled softly while his fingers drift down his love's rosy cheeks. Lifting his fingers up, he repeated the same thing again. He prayed that nothing or no one would interrupt them. He prayed that time would stop for a little bit just so they could stay in this moment a little longer.

He did his best to forget about all those worries and what-ifs. Besides, the more he found himself wishing things, the more he missed of being with Ivory. And he could not afford to miss any more time not being with Ivory. "Thank you," He whispered. Quickly, he kissed Ivory's left cheek. His heart thumped as his eyes opened up, looking at his love. Max sighed, "You have no idea how long nor how much I have wanted to wake up next to you. I only ever want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life."