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"Much better," Halm agreed. He sat back down on the couch, letting out a long breath.
Zachary reached up, tangling his fingers in Cas's hair.
"That's why we're working to help you," he said gently. He didn't deny that there were things wrong with Cas. But he also didn't shove it in Cas's face, say it was his fault, because it wasn't.
"Mhmm…" Cas closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his head into Zachary's hand. "When am I supposed to talk to the therapist again?" He asked.
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"I don't know," Zachary said gently. "I think they might be waiting until you say your ready to."
Cas nodded. "Um… she stressed me out a little bit, but I was already crying when she came in, so… that could have contributed."
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"I saw," Zachary said quietly. "I hated to see you so upset. I'm sorry they didn't just leave you alone…"
Cas nodded again and sighed. "Nix was trying to help, I know, I just… I really didn't want to think about them."
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Zachary nodded a little.
"You had every right to be upset at them." He rubbed Cas's head lightly, sighing softly.
"My past boyfriends were kinda shitty…" He mumbled, burying his face in Zachary's shoulder.
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"I'm sorry for that," Zachary said gently. "And no one will be able to hurt you anymore."
Cas nodded a bit. "I hope you're right, Zachary… I never wanna see them again…"
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"You won't," Zachary said. "They'll never find you here." He carefully held Cas closer, protective.
"B-But what about when they die? They'll come here and what if I stumble across them? I-I don't wanna see them, or… or talk to them, or think about them, I-I just…" Cas sighed and started trembling lightly, tightening his grip on Zachary.
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"Nix knows who they are, I'm sure," Zachary said gently. "He'll make sure you never come across them." Zachary held Cas right up next to him. "But let's stop talking about them. I don't want you to have to ever deal with them."
Cas nodded weakly, spiraling down into his bad memories. He started absently scratching at his wrists and caught the rubber band, which he then pulled back and snapped hard against his wrist.
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Zachary tried his best not to flinch at the rubber band's snap, knowing it was good Cas was using it. He reached up and cupped Cas's cheek. He said nothing, afraid Cas would push him away if he said something wrong. Cas needed someone with him right now.
Cas buried his face in Zachary's chest and kept snapping the band until his wrist was red and irritated. After a few minutes of this, he slowed down, seeming to have relaxed somewhat.
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Zachary watched Cas as he snapped the band, making sure he wasn't drawing blood. He sighed softly when Cas stopped, rubbing his back.
"Let's talk about something else," he said carefully.
"Mmm…" Cas exhaled shakily, clinging to Zachary again once he had left the band alone. He still didn't seem happy, but he was more relaxed and manageable.
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Zachary hummed softly to hopefully help Cas.
"You know, Halm asked my sister and I what he needed to do to help make sure you were taken care of," he said gently. "When you first came here."
Cas glanced up at Zachary, fidgeting with the collar of the other's shirt. "Mm? What did you say?" He asked weakly.
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"I told him to take his time to get to know you," he admitted. "Knowing Halm, if I hadn't he'd have been really pushing. He doesn't know how to handle people." Zachary didn't mind Cas fiddling with his collar. He rubbed Cas's back lightly.
Cas nodded a bit. "Yeah… I don't think he knew just how much of a mess he'd be getting himself into by claiming me…"
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"That doesn't mean he made the wrong decision," Zachary continued. "You really have been good for everyone here."
"How's that? You literally had to go find a dead therapist because I can't stop myself from destroying my body."
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"Because," Zachary explained patiently, "you've gotten Halm to love you. He cares about you so much, Cas. That's why he sought out the therapist. He truly wants you to feel better."
Cas sighed softly, tugging on Zachary's shirt collar a bit more. "But he's wasting his time… I'm hopeless."
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"You've proven you aren't," Zachary said gently. "Just now."
"What do you mean?" Cas asked, looking up at Zachary with a confused expression.
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Zachary pointed to the rubber band.
"You used that," he said calmly. "I've seen people who've been given this option who just… Tear themselves apart."
Cas turned his gaze down to the band and his red arm. "I guess so… I was scratching myself at first, though…"
