I was but a limp body in his arms, possessing none of the energy required to keep myself upright. I knew what kind of a promise he was asking me to make, but…… my lips parted only to let through another exhausted apology.
The average person can hold their breath for thirty seconds without gasping….
“Don’t apologize. You don’t need to. None of this is your fault.” I assured her, my voice raspy from crying. “I love you.” I pressed a warm kiss on her forehead, desperate to see the fire in her eyes. I reached for the shower head, turning it on and using warm water to wash the shampoo from her hair.
"I don't think he loves me."
My voice was flat, emotionless, as if stating a fact. "Angelo. He never loved me. Never will. I'll always be his useless whore of a daughter.."
“He doesn’t matter now.” I rasped, switching out the shampoo for conditioner. “He never did. None of this family shit matters.” I insisted, rhythmically working my fingers through her hair. “I love you. With everything I have. My heart and soul.”
My detached, emotionless self had absolutely no filter. "I'm going to die as Paris's wife. Maybe even before that. You could be married off, too. Our love doesn't matter to the people who have power over us."
Cogs began to turn in my brain. What if we can invalidate the marriage? Something clicked. “You know… if we got married first your marriage with Paris would be completely invalid.” I suggested quietly.
I didn’t respond for a long time. Finally, my voice broke the silence, meek and confused. “Marriage?”
“Only if you wanted. I’ll… I’ll find a way to propose to you for real— if you wanted me to…” I began to rinse Juliet’s hair of conditioner, my hands shaking.
Word by word, Romeo was slowly drawing me from the depths of my mind, coaxing me into the light. “You—You want to—“
“Of course I do. I love you, Juliet. I’d love to be able to call you mine.” I responded softly, shutting off the water. “But I don’t want to pressure you.” I added quickly, running my fingers through her silky hair.
I leaned unconsciously against his touch, inhaling sharply at the pain of my gradually returning emotions. “I—I’ll think about it.”
“Take all the time you need. I’m here okay?” I soothed, leaning my head against the wall. “I’m always gonna be here.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Marriage…
A shiver ran down the length of my spine at the thought of it. Romeo wanted to marry me in order to invalidate my union with Paris. Romeo wanted to marry me.
I noticed her shiver. “Are you cold, love? I’ll carry you out of the water and help you dry off.” I offered, pressing another warm kiss to her cheeks.
"The water is nice…" I whispered, an eerily similar phrase to my earlier, much darker ramblings.
“A fluffy towel and bandages are nice too, love.” I murmured, scooping her up into my arms as gently as possible. I stepped out of the water, setting her down on the bath mat as I unplugged the drain, letting the bloody water vanish from sight. “This might hurt a bit. I’ll be as gentle as I can.” I assured her, even though I had no idea if she could even hear me anymore.
I nodded as if in a trance, but in reality, I was inwardly crumbling from the sheer force of the pain—–but not that of my wounds. Almost desperate by now, I scoured my brain for any trace of the blissful hollow sensation, begging my brain to cut me off from the outside world once more… but it was hopeless. I was stuck, blinking back tears, on the floor of the place I was supposed to call home.
I ran a fluffy towel over her skin, keeping each touch soft and gentle. I took care to tend to her with every ounce of love and patience in my body. I would care for her physically while she retreated mentally. It was all I could do. I busied myself with talking, pretending that she was listening to me speak in order to keep myself from breaking down.
“I think I want a pet bird someday. I hear canaries are nice. Did you know you have to get them in pairs or they’ll get depressed? I think I sort of relate to that. I’ve never been very good on my own…”
A single tear slid down my cheek.
"Do you still feel alone?" I reached out with a trembling hand, seeking comfort. "I don't want you to feel alone.."
I laced our fingers together, feeling a tear slip down my cheek again. “No, love. Never when I’m with you.” I insisted, so incredibly relieved that she was responding to me that I couldn’t even describe it.
"Can—can you hold me?" My voice broke halfway through the plea. "It hurts, Romeo—–feeling again. I–I want to be hollow. But I can't."
“In a moment love, let me get the bandages so I can help ease the pain.” I caressed her cheek, leaning forward to kiss her on the tip of her nose before rifling through cabinets to find antiseptic and bandages. I sat behind her, pulling her tenderly against my chest as I got to work.
My whole body shuddered from the force of my repressed sobs, and in order to battle back the panic rising rapidly in my chest, I wrapped a hand around my wrist and dug my nails in until the skin broke. The self-inflicted pain anchored me in the moment, brought back a sense of control. I just hoped Romeo hadn't noticed…
I bandages her back and chest, wrapping glaze around the wounds on her ribs and stomach. I felt guilty every time I dabbed at her injuries with antiseptic, knowing it had to burn. I caught her clawing at her skin and pulled her hand away, flinching at the sight of another small wound. “Hurt me if you must, my love. But please, not yourself.” I whispered into her ear, giving her hand a squeeze.
"I'd never hurt you…."
Another sob rose in my throat, but I forced it back down. My wounds stung, but I told myself that it didn't matter. I deserved the pain. Right?
“Juliet, let yourself cry while I’m here to comfort you.” I hummed, moving onto her face and arms. “I’m sorry I can’t do more, love. But please, let me help you as much as I can. You’d do the same for me.”
A whimper escaped from the back of my throat. "I–I thought he was going to kill me. He had one hand around my neck and the other was holding his belt. And–And he put the belt around my neck and tightened it until I couldn't breathe. And he pushed me to the ground and took out his knife and—–I thought I was going to die without saying goodbye to you."
I gritted my teeth, suppressing something in between a cry of rage and grief. After a few moments I leveled out my breathing, my hands violently shaking as I finished wrapping up her arms. “You’re alive, Juliet. I love you— we’re alive. We might not be okay, but we’re alive.”
This time, I couldn't suppress the ocean of tears. They came pouring down my cheeks, a strangled hiccup escaping my throat as I struggled to turn myself around and face Romeo. "I–I love you."
“I love you too.” I smiled with trembling lips, holding Juliet still. “I… I have to patch up your legs anyways. Stay there, I’ll move.” I got up on unstable legs and walked around before straddling her again, peppering her face with butterfly kisses.
