Before I had fully grasped the situation, I was tumbling through Joseph's window and across his bed.
"Marina??" I turned my head towards the sound of a shocked voice, my teary eyes clashing with a familiar pair of brown ones. "Oh my god—Marina, what happened??"
"Shut up," I told him in a trembling voice. "And give me a hug. Please."
I downed a whiskey sour, unsure if I was even the one who ordered it. It shouldn’t have hurt more now. The drinks were meant to make me forget, but all they were doing was bringing her to the center of my attention. I never knew how crazy for her I was getting until I couldn’t have her anymore. Now it was like she’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I eyed my phone, sniffling as I bawled my eyes out. I don’t know what happened to my glasses, but now I could hardly see even without crying. I shakily grabbed my phone, trying to resist temptation.
Joe held me like he was afraid I’d break, but it was the exact opposite of romantic. He was practically my older brother at this point, and though I wasn’t as close with him as I was with Juliet… there’s nobody I would have rather gone to.
Fuck it. My thoughts were running wild at the moment. I shakily scrolled through the list of contacts until I found my Pazza. I hit the call button, leaning against the counter and sniffling.
(Oh my God did he just say my Pazza?)
The loud ringing of my phone jolted me out of the land of tears (and Joe’s arms). I fumbled to remove it from my purse, hands trembling, and when I saw the name on the screen, the blood drained from my face.
“Asshole?” Joe read aloud, concern drenching his voice. “Marina, what happened?? I haven’t seen you like this all year—what—“
I shook my head. “I—I should take this call. I’ll—I’ll explain later.”
Without another word, I pressed ‘answer’ and raised the phone to my ear.
She wasn’t going to answer, I could feel it in my chest. A deep sinking sensation that elicited another round of sobs from somewhere deep in my heart. But just when I’d given up all hope, she answered. “Marina? —Rina I’m so so sorry!” Another hiccuping sob broke into my voice, effectively cutting me off.
I scrubbed furiously at my tear-stained cheeks and squeezed my eyes shut. “Are—Are you drunk right now?”
Why did my heart feel like it was being clawed out of my chest? Over Mercutio?
“Yeah—“ I choked up another sob, disrupting my sentence. “I need to— I… I…” Even now I couldn’t bring myself to put it to words. “I don’t know where I am, and I lost my glasses. And—And I’m a little really drunk, but… I… IthinkIloveyou…”
(OH MY GOD)
My entire body whent rigid. “What…?” I breathed, shaken to the core. “You—You what?”
It felt as if a boa constrictor was slowly wrapping itself around my chest, crushing the breath from my lungs. “Do—Do you need me to—to pick you up?”
I could feel my heart pounding, a warm sensation fillingy chest at her offer. “Yeah—Come, please. I—I’m sorry… I… I got scared. So scared. I am scared now… too.”
I didn’t it was possible for a ray of hope to hurt so fucking much.
“You left me.” My voice wobbled dangerously. “You left me standing at that bus stop. After I—After I told you about—about—You know. I trusted you and I stared to let you in, and you walked away.”
“I got scared…” I breathed into the phone. I was so afraid of her hanging up. So afraid of loosing her for good. “I… I know what could happen if someone saw us. What if… if someone did? Leaving you hurts. I—I feel like someone put a hot knife in my heart. I’m sorry, please— I’ll do whatever you want to makes things alright.” I broke out crying again, pulling away from the phone so she didn’t have to hear my blubbering.
“You’re drunk,” I told him bluntly, wrapping my fingers tightly around Joe’s wrist. “You don’t mean this stuff. I need you to tell me where you are so I can come pick you up.”
And oh, how my stupid heart wanted to believe what he was saying. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t possible, and never would be.
“I—I… I mean every word. You make me feel again, Pazza. I miss you…” I sniffles and sobbed, struggling to catch my breath. “I don’t know where I am I— I lost my glasses. I can’t see at all.”
I muttered a shaky curse. “I can’t cone pick you up if I don’t know where you are—describe the place to me.”
(ohhhhhhhhhh my gosh this is so amazing and heart-breakingly sweet.)
“I… er… It’s after the bus driver told me to get off because he didn’t go any further. It’s just… dark ‘an blurry. The sign is purple.” It was all I could offer at the moment, accepting another drink and taking a pause to sip on it slowly, listening intently for Marina’s voice.
(Oml I’m so sorry, I fell asleep last night)
“I—I’ll be right there,” I whispered, leaning against Joe’s chest. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
(Don’t worry about it! I do that to you all the time XD, glad you got some sleep!)
“I’ll stay right here, I—I promise, Pazza.” I croaked, pressing my ear against the phone to hear her.
(Thanks, XD)
I hung up before he could say anything to agitate me further, trembling as I pressed against Joe. “What am I going to do…?”
I took a shaky breath as she ended the call. Marina was coming. Pazza was coming to get me. Romeo— I should have called Romeo. But god, I wanted her so badly. I slumped down against the counter, waiting for Marina to come rescue her unlikely damsel in distress.
“Marina, what the hell happened?” Joe’s voice broke through my fractured train of thought. “Who did this to you??”
I shook my head. “I—I think I trusted the wrong person. There’s—There’s this boy. And I told him about something I’ve never told anyone. And today—he—“
I didn’t realize I was crying again until Joe wiped my tears away. “Right now he’s drunk somewhere. Alone. I can’t—I can’t leave him. I have to go get him.”
Joe’s eyes filled with sadness. “Marina…. why are you always giving your heart to people who will break it?”
I hid my head in my hands, stifling another round of sobs. How long would it take her to find me? Hours? Could I even wait that long? The bar was basically empty, a few other deadbeats sat scattered at tables, me being the worst of them by far.
“I don’t know.” I pulled away and curled into a ball with my back to his headboard. “But—But I have to go.”
Joe caught my wrist before I could make a move. “Where is he?” My heart plummeted. “I—I don’t know. But I’ll find it. He said it was at the end of the bus line, westbound. A bar. Purple sign.”
My friend sighed and pulled out his phone. “Let’s do this the logical way, then.” A few google searches later, and I knew where I was going.
“Thanks, Joe,” I murmured, “You’re amazing..”
I don’t know how long it was. Everything was a blur at the moment— figuratively and literally. After a nap(?) or at least a short period of unconsciousness, I pushed myself into a sitting position, rubbing at my eyes to discern my surroundings. The bar was even more deserted than earlier, and the bar tender was completely ignoring me now. He probably cut me off after I passed out…
I looked to the windows, flinching at the sunlight. But after a moment I could make out a familiar face heading towards the door. “Pazza?”
I froze with one hand on the door handle. Through the window in front of me, past tables and the occasional drunk man… was Mercutio, looking at me with the most painfully desperate expression I had ever seen. Swallowing, I pushed the door open, lowering my head against the unbearable aroma of alcohol and sweat as I made my way over to the boy who somehow had my heart.
“Pazza—I’m so sorry. I thought you wouldn’t want to see me ever again. And— And I couldn’t tell Romeo because he’ll yell at me for drinking too much again.” I broke down crying in front of her again, a mess of hiccuping sobs escaping through my parted lips.
I froze with one arm extended, utterly devastated by the sight of him like this. Fishing for words but coming up dry, I forced my fingers to move and nudge his forgotten glasses down from the top of his head to the bridge of his nose. “Come on… let’s go.”
