What was wrong with me? What the fuck was wrong with me? I could flirt with Mercutio and lean against his shoulder, but the moment Joe mentioned the taboo word, I was spiraling into total panic?
Joe sprang to his feet and stepped closer. “Marina? What’s happening??”
I whimpered.
“Give her space!” I frantically grabbed Joe by the arm. “Just get me something to get the alcohol smell off me!” I hissed quietly at him before turning back to Marina. “Pazza, you have to breathe. You’re safe. We’re in Joe’s room, remember?”
I raise a trembling hand up to eye-level and slap myself in the face. Hard. Pain blazes across my cheek, but it’s brought the whole world back into focus. I can breathe. I can function.
“I—I’m fine.”
It was the noise that had my head reeling. The all too familiar slap. It was a sharp reminder I could only escape home for so long. I blinked a few times, ignoring the way my heart pounded and my hands clammed up. “Are you okay?” I managed to force out the words, feeling helpless as I stared at her.
Shit.
I think I broke him. He’s just standing there, so lost and broken… a crack runs down my heart, “I—I need to use the washroom,” I stammer out, the need to get away flooding my body. “I’ll be back.”
All I could do was nod, feeling numb as she left me alone with Joe.
Joe turned on Mercutio immediately. “What just happened??” he demanded, but the anger had bled from his voice.
I shook my head and sighed. “I promised I wouldn’t tell. Just— please don’t pressure her about it. Or bring up sex in front of her.”
The blood drained from Joe’s face. “Shit. Shit. You don’t mean—“
“I don’t know who or when. I’m assuming alcohol was involved.” I mumbled quietly. “But god, please. She doesn’t want to talk about it. Don’t make her.” I turned to him feeling more hopeless than ever.
“Last year—“ he blurted, “She came to school shaking. She wouldn’t speak for the whole week. There were bruises on her neck—we thought she’d been strangled. But—“
“She’s still recovering.” I replied softly, adjusting my glasses. “I don’t know why or how she worked up the courage to get me out of that bar today. I should’ve known better than to call her, even if I was wasted.” I gritted my teeth in frustration, wiping at a stray tear dripping down my cheek.
For the first time in years, the tall, muscled young man looked absolutely broken. “Oh my god… shit…..”
“You’ve to give her time. Please, for her sake don’t say anything.” I begged him—Joe, my enemy. I begged him with more emotion than I had mustered in years to protect the girl who gave me anxiety attacks and stole my phone. It was like lightning, the way it struck me, that I had known what being lovesick was the moment she led me into that record store for the first time.
Joe was physically struggling, opening his mouth to reply but closing it before any words could slip out. Finally, he managed a single, horrified nod.
I nodded in return, trudging back to his bed and slowly sitting down. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” I sighed, massaging my forehead.
I slipped back to Joe’s room as quickly as possible, not wanting to be seen by Jamie or any of the other siblings in the house. Pale and trembling, I fixed my eyes to the floor and crossed the room to sit on the bed.
I sighed as she sat down, trying not to tell my worry show. I chewed my lip, my leg bouncing anxiously and shaking the bed.
I stared down at my lap, silent.
“Marina… I—“ I cut myself off, feeling anxiety gnawing at my gut. It seemed to be what finally weakened my hardy stomach. “I… I think I’m gonna throw up!” I stood up abruptly seeking out the nearest barrel.
“Shit,” Joe and I swore in unison. My friend lunged for his garbage can and held it to him.
I got sick almost instantly, gripping onto the garbage can until my knuckles turned white. I wretched and sputtered until I was practically coughing up the acid from my empty stomach, my throat burning. By the time it ended, I had sunk onto my knees, shaking violently.
Before I knew what was happening, I was crouching behind Mercutio with one hand flat between his shoulder blades; a gesture of reassurance.
I wheezed for air, trying not to choke on the acrid taste now filling my mouth. “I’m sorry—“ I muttered, stopping short to cough and spit into the garbage can again.
Joe cursed loudly, grabbing a box of tissues from his beside table and flinging it to me. I quickly pulled a handful out to dab cautiously at Mercutio’s mouth.
I flinched away on instinct,but leaned back towards her after a few seconds, letting Marina wipe at my face.
Though my body tensed in fear, I turned his face towards mine and continued to wipe at his mouth. “You good?”
“I’m good.” I croaked, my throat raw and burning. “Sorry— I thought I could hold it down. It’s just… when I get anxious I, you know…”
Finally, I pulled back. “Lie down, rest..” I murmured, “Are you tired?”
“A little…” I admitted shyly. “But I don’t know if me sleeping here is the best idea.”
