"I did, I know I did, 'm not s'posed to tell you about my old life." He shook his head to show that he knew the rules. That he understood if Sebastian needed to hit him or… or punish him somehow. His posture was the definition of submissive: head bowed and resting on Sebastian's shoulder so he could bare his neck, hands in his lap, body pliant as it rested against Sebastian's.
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Sebastian just held Bryn, being so, so gentle. There wasn't a hint of malice, or anger, just… Worry.
"I'm the one who asked you to tell me," Sebastian said softly. He sat up a little bit more, holding Bryn in his lap in the same way they always did, chest to chest. One hand went up to carefully cup Bryn's cheek, going slowly so Bryn would know he wasn't going to hurt him.
"I wanted you to tell me about your old life. Bryn, you're my boyfriend- I want to know about your old life."
Bryn wanted to shiver beneath Sebastian's touch. He wanted to shift until they were flush up against each other, chest to chest and cheek to cheek, and he could breathe the way Sebastian did as he tried to calm down. But… he couldn't. He couldn't because he'd broken one rule today and he wasn't going to break another. "D-demons don't have old lives," he said, quiet but sure. He'd heard this repeated to him a thousand times. "I was summoned to serve my master, and I don't…" he took a shaky breath. "I don't have a life outside that."
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"That can't be true," Sebastian argued gently. He had one arm around Bryn's hips, and he used it to pull them closer together.
"Because you don't have a master anymore. And as long as I'm alive, and hopefully long after I'm not, you won't. I won't let anyone do that to you."
Bryn finally gave in and buried his face in Sebastian's neck, tears starting to prick at his eyes as he shook his head. "You can't promise that, Sebastian. I… I'm here. I'm stuck, and I've got no magic anymore and… and I'm never gonna be free again."
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Sebastian wrapped both arms around Bryn again. He didn't know how to argue with that. He wasn't sure he could. He leaned his head against Bryn's, holding him close.
"I…"
Bryn shook his head. "You can't argue 'cause it's true. I'm gonna be a slave until someone kills me, Sebastian. Until I die and my soul goes back home."
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Sebastian grinned his teeth a little, refusing to cry.
"This is wrong," he said, holding Bryn close.
Bryn didn't bother to hold back the tears, letting them slip quietly down his cheeks. "You think I don't know that?? I have to live it, Sebastian. That's my future."
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Sebastian fell silent again. He knew if he said anything else he'd probably screw something up and make Bryn mad. He just pulled Bryn that much closer, burying his face in Bryn's hair.
Bryn clung to him desperately, staying entwined with him like that for a long time. He was upset, but he also appreciated that Sebastian was willing to go quiet and give him time to try and calm himself down. The gesture of silent support meant more than he could really know.
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Sebastian didn't try to speak the entire time, and he didn't move much either. Still, he slowly ran his hand down Bryn's back, just something to help him calm down.
Bryn trembled a little under the touch, unspooling slightly with a shaky sigh. He seemed looser now, half because he was more relaxed and half because he was just exhausted from being so upset.
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Sebastian kissed Bryn's head lightly, continuing to rub his back. Finally, he dared to say something.
"I love you," he said softly. Nothing about their discussion, or how Bryn was acting. Just… I love you. Because that's what mattered in the end.
Bryn's breath hitched and he surged up to grab Sebastian's collar, yanking him into a kiss. It was messy and rough, but he managed to smooth it out after a little while and then it was just sweet. "I… I love you too. I love you so much it hurts sometimes."
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Sebastian gave into the kiss easily, just letting Bryn kiss him however he needed to. Still, it was nicer towards the end. He held Bryn close, close to crying again.
"I- I just want to protect you," he said, voice so quiet.
Bryn had pretty much cried himself out at that point but he still had to swallow down a spike of emotion, pulling Sebastian up into another kiss. "I know," he murmured. His voice was shaky. He didn't know if he was trying to comfort Sebastian or himself. "I… I know."
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Sebastian raised his have to to cup Bryn's head as they kissed, eyes closed.
"I…" He couldn't form his thoughts into words. He put this forehead against Bryn's, eyes still closed.
Bryn pressed their foreheads together a little harder, using the sensation to ground himself as he leaned in for one last kiss. "You're wonderful, Sebastian. You're wonderful and special and I love you too much."
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Sebastian let a little tear fall. God damnit. He held onto this kiss, lingering.
"You're amazing," he said back. "You're amazing, and I- I love you, and I can't… Can't think about losing you."
Bryn kissed Sebastian like he was the only thing in the world that mattered, crumpling up the collar of his shirt as he yanked him in closer, kissed him harder. "You… You're not gonna lose anything," he promised, in the few seconds he could bear to break away from his boyfriend.
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Sebastian felt another tear fall. Fuck. No. He had to hold it together.
"You're the only one I care about whether or not I lose you," he said softly, immediately pulling Bryn back. He, he couldn't. Couldn't handle that. He wanted so much, and all of it was Bryn.
Bryn finally let go of Sebastian's clear, reaching up to gently wipe away his tears instead. He just cupped his human's face afterwards, painfully gentle as he leaned in for another kiss. And another. And another. Sebastian was so special to him, so desperately important, and Bryn could feel his chest ache as he watched him fall apart. "I know, I know, I love you too. I'm gonna be okay with you– we're gonna be okay."
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Sebastian nodded mutely, kissing Bryn's palm. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again.
"Yeah…" He said softly, leaning into Bryn's hand.
Bryn petted his cheeks gently, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Sebastian's lips. "Yeah," he echoed, and his voice was firm. "You're gonna be around to take care of me just as long as you can, aren't you?" He knew the answer, he just wanted to hear Sebastian say it.
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"As long as I live," Sebastian said, "I'll take care of you." He managed to give a small smile.
Bryn smiled too, but it was bitter. Demons could live forever unless someone tried to kill them. Humans were more fragile. Their lives seemed so short to his eyes, so very temporary. "I know you will. I… I chose such a good human to trust, didn't I?"
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Sebastian saw the bitterness.
"You did," he said gently. "And… We'll find a way to keep you safe after I die too."
"I know you will." He didn't, but he knew Sebastian would try and that was almost good enough. "And even…. even if you don't, I'll still love you. I'll love you until I get to see you again, promise."
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"We'll find a way," Sebastian promised gently. He kissed Bryn again. "And I will too. I'm never going give you it up."
