(Finally done with college exams!! Here she is)
Name: Winnifred “Winnie” Hawthorne
Age: 27
Gender: female
Status/occupation: wife, pianist, amateur composer
Appearance: Winnie stands at around 5’3 with a slim, petite frame, and a pear-shaped body with narrow shoulders and wide hips. She has a fair complexion peppered with freckles, and round hazel eyes. Her long platinum blonde hair is often put in an updo, but she likes it down. She has scars on her arms, and her lips are a soft pink with flakes from being chewed on.
Personality: At first, Winnie appears to be a perfectly normal person. She is sweet and kind, polite and humble. Too humble. She is quick to admit her faults and mistakes, taking the blame for anything that goes wrong. Those who know her know that she is a very… emotional person, feeling things deeply and those feelings are long lasting. Those feelings include self hatred. She is more extroverted and loves spending time with friends and family, but has trouble controlling her speech and volume, and so opts to not speak at all most of the time. She tends to think with her heart more than her mind, at least when it has to do with matters concerning other people. She’s also a bit of a neat freak, getting annoyed when someone makes a mess or when things are out of place. She especially hates when people move her things around or change her space in some way without her knowledge. She tends to stick to a strict routine and hates when it’s interrupted or forcibly changed. If she does have to change it, she likes to know in advance so she can mentally prepare and adjust things accordingly.
Background (TW: coercion, SA): Winnie grew up in a well off, well-to-do family, and as such had high expectations placed on her, nearly from the moment she was born. It seemed as though the moment she learned to walk and talk, she was told to sit down and shut up. She grew up with her mother, father, 2 older brothers, and later her younger sister. They weren’t the perfect family of course, but she loved them all. She just didn’t understand why they dismissed her so much, or expected her to react in a way she thought didn’t make sense. Childhood was a rather confusing and stressful time, even if she had a lot of privileges most girls her age did not. She and her younger sister received education from a governess, which mainly consisted of basic things like reading, arithmetic, some history, and how to act like a lady. She was also taught to play the piano, and her sister the violin. And this grew to be her favorite part of the day. She had strong bond with her governess and sister, as she saw them more often than the rest of her family, and she loved learning. She also grew to love music too. It was a way to sort of get lost in her own world and escape the stress she felt in her usual family life. As she got older, this stress seemed to transform, the same as her body was transforming. Winnie was deemed old enough to be brought with her parents and brothers to social events where her family met with other well-to-do families, and she was able to meet other people her age and make new friends. This was very exciting for Winnie, but with it came more confusion. Her friends had some sort of code or language that she couldn’t understand most of the time, and she often missed social cues in interactions with them. There was one girl she became especially close to, however. They did a lot together, sometimes bringing Winnie’s sister along, sometimes not. When they were by themselves though, there was this energy between them unlike anything Winnie had experienced before, like they were soulmates or something. This girl understood her like no one else. They became very affectionate with each other, even kissing on the hand or the cheek. But Winnie just assumed this is what some friends did. She had no idea she was experiencing anything more than platonic feelings for this girl. But then, their other friends managed to find out about their affections, and they were made fun of for it. Winnie was confused, that was just how some friends are, right? But the girl was hurt and she and her gradually drifted apart. Winnie became very despondent after this. Her family didn’t understand it, it was like she was in mourning. Her sister had some sympathy, she had seen and noticed some of what had been going on. The rest of her family just kind of told her to chin up and move on. And she did, eventually. Music kept her going. Later on her mother also took her to various music and theatre halls to see musicians and actors perform, which she enjoyed greatly and often continued to talk about them even long after they were over. It was also how she saw sword fighting onstage and got really into it. It was at one of these music halls where, some years later, she met her future husband. He was the man who ran the music hall, and he had expressed interest in Winnie’s music after hearing her play at one of the various social events her family attended. She was excited that he took such interest, and they talked about music for a while, her mother just standing there scheming. The man asked her to submit a piece of music, or perhaps even come to perform, and Winnie excitedly agreed. The idea of sharing her love of music and performing it for others excited her a lot. It was then, when she got home, that she started composing her first original piece. Her and the man, James Hawthorne, continued to talk after that. He gave her feedback on her composition, and sometimes gave her inspiration. Their relationship grew into a solid friendship. She eventually performed at his music hall, which was a great success even if she didn’t get much fame or fortune from it. And then… her mother began pressuring her to marry him. And Winnie didn’t like being pressured. She did continue to write and compose music, perform, and in general get more involved in Jame’s music hall. And then they started spending time together outside of the music hall. He took her to the park or his home for tea or dinner. They played on the piano together too. And then, before she knew it, he was proposing to her. Winnie had no idea how to respond. He was just a friend, right? But maybe she did love him, in a way. She didn’t accept or deny, she just told him she had to think about it first. Of course her mother scolded her for leaving him unanswered. After a day of some thinking and some prodding from her mother, Winnie accepted James’s proposal, and they were wed a few months later. Winnie didn’t really understand why they had to have a wedding, but it was kind of fun. She had her first kiss that day, on the alter. It was… strange. The main thing that changed the most after marrying James was starting to live with him. Other than that, most things stayed the same. She helped him run the music hall and continued to play, perform, and compose. He continued to take her to the park, talk with her about their work, etc etc. But as time passed, she grew less cheerful. She visited her family, missing her sister and feeling lonely when it was just her and James. Eventually though, she was able to get used to the new routine. James was also very affectionate with her, and she was able to get used that too. She liked the kissing, and even started to really love him. That was how it was for the first month and a half or so. And then… James began to go too far with his affections. Winnie would tell him to stop a few times before he did so, looking annoyed. She felt ashamed. Maybe she could get used to this too, she just needed more time. She tried to tell James this, and he seemed to understand, but then he would keep crossing boundaries. And this didn’t feel good. She knew that, but she still felt guilty. She tried getting used to it, but really she was just hiding how she really felt. Then, one night, he tried going all the way, and Winnie went berserk. It felt so so wrong, deep in her bones. She pushed him away, crying and screaming, begging him to stop, stop, stop. James was confused and annoyed, saying that she’s supposed to want this, this is what all women do eventually. Winnie was utterly breaking down, just hitting her fists against the bed and sobbing loudly, then starting to apologize over and over. James tried to touch her shoulder, but she immediately slapped his hand away. He left the room, and Winnie was able to slowly deflate from the meltdown. Then James came back with some tea. She was still crying, but the tea helped. He asked if they could try again tomorrow, and she immediately refused. The next day? He asked. She considered it and reluctantly agreed. In that time, she became extremely anxious and would only let James touch her very briefly, worried he would cross boundaries again. He didn’t, and when the time came, he tried again, this time Winnie having prepared herself. She tried to keep herself calm, nearly disconnecting from the situation entirely. But then it actually started to hurt, it was really painful. She cried, but it was a pained weeping this time. James thought she was just scared and tried kissing her to calm her down. This only made it worse, of course, and she cried more. She asked him to stop, and he did, frustrated. These situations continued on and off for a few weeks, and then James decided to take her to the doctor. She was diagnosed with hysteria, and James suggested they go to the seaside, to take a break from their daily lives. Winnie was nervous about this, but had never seen the sea before and so she agreed. Maybe it’ll do something for her.
Conditions that have been labeled as hysteria: autism (high masking), depression, PTSD, vaginismus
Songs?: Always the Same - SIAMES & Barbie Williams, Petals Fall - Hudson Lee, Lights - Damien Escobar
Other: stims: chewing her lip, looking up at the ceiling, tapping her fingers on various surfaces, banging her fists on various surfaces and her own body, humming certain songs or melodies, playing with her sleeves
