Notebook.ai

tonight, I’m arriving alive and alight. // CLOSED 2/2

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language

“I’d rather stand.” Apollon glanced at Juno and raised an eyebrow, the only expression he’d shown since he had gotten there. Of course the moment he showed up, Juno shrinked in on themselves perturbedly.

And it seems that is exactly why Sol had “deceived them both” into coming here, under the guise that each of them would be meeting alone with Sol. A brilliant plan, Apollon would admit. He doubted Juno would have come so willingly if they knew he was going to show up. And Apollon himself? He wouldn’t have had an excuse not to arrive regardless.

But the fact that Sol had arranged this little plan to talk about the assumed hatred shared between himself and Juno. Should Apollon be offended, or play along? Making a decision, he looked at Sol. “How brave of you to bring this burden upon yourself.”

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A look of betrayal crossed Juno’s features for a moment, before shifting to annoyance. They scratched at their shoulder restlessly and avoided Apollon’s gaze. Sol’s hand gesture hadn’t done much to help, clearly.

Juno didn’t really know how to feel about this situation. Sol had said it would be just him and Juno… why did he lie? They had a feeling they already knew, and that made them even more upset. But they tried their best to repress their feelings, although it wasn’t working very well.

“Oh. Um… how exactly is that gonna work..?” They asked. They really just wanted to leave now, but they had a feeling Sol wouldn’t let them. They made an incoherent, yet pretty angry-sounding remark under their breath after this.

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"The only burden here is if you guys decide to keep on fighting instead of trying to make peace…." Sol says in response to Apollon. He desperately hoped that they'd try to find some sort of way to get along, or else they'll likely be like this for the rest of time.
Sol turns to Juno and answers, "Well, you two talk. I'm simply the one who got you both here. You guys need to figure out your issues via conversation. I've got a few potential ways for you guys to do it if you need help though…"

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Juno pouted, giving Sol an expression that said do I have to? They glanced at Apollon again, then pursed their lips and looked down. They stayed silent for a long time, thinking about what to say. They were getting kind of antsy with the silence, but they didn’t want to say something wrong. Finally, they took a deep breath, then sighed, jerking their head to the side for a moment before speaking.

“Uh… how… how are you?” Juno asked awkwardly, looking up at Apollon. That was stupid. They cleared their throat and leaned the side of their head against their hand, hoping their glasses would conceal their lack of eye contact.

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(Juno is constantly moving around in some way shape or form and that helps make longer responses pffff)

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(And then mine are long because of this man’s self-righteous internal monologue-)

Apollon blinked at Sol’s response. He wasn’t the one who had to make peace. All he’s ever done was take the logical route, the most efficient path to where he wanted to go. The divide between himself and Juno was caused by their unstable, wreckless demeanor that got them nowhere. Their flaw that made them so different from Apollon. At least Sol was bearable.

Apollon stared down at Juno with an unchanging expression. In truth, he was still contemplating Sol’s words. He wouldn’t be much help in this situation, unless it be to comfort Juno if Apollon were to say the “wrong” thing. But when Juno spoke, his expression changed the slightest. Is that the best thing they could think to say? “I’m completely fine.”

There was yet another silence before Apollon spoke once again, directed at Juno. “This conversation won’t go anywhere if we simply exchange platitudes. I’ll get to the point of the matter. Our mutual dislike for each other, correct?” He glanced at Sol for a short moment. “I’m open to admitting it, since it’s obvious enough.”

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(☠️☠️☠️ Bro you ain’t all that)

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Sol nods, staying quiet. He turns to watch Juno's response to this. It would be best if Sol kept silent, this was between the two of them. There wasn't much point if he had to force them to talk. To that point, Sol pulls out a book to read, so that its not too awkward with him just watching the conversation. He keeps an eye on Juno however, waiting for her to respond to Apollon.

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Juno narrowed their eyes at Apollon. Truthfully, they didn’t care much about his answer, since it always seemed to be the same. They were just trying to be nice, but of course that didn’t matter.

“Well, excuse me for just being nice. . .” Juno mumbled. They cleared their throat again. “I- I mean. . .” They couldn’t really think of anything else to say. At least, anything that wouldn’t spark another argument. If one of them was going to have a filter here, it was gonna have to be Juno, since clearly Apollon wasn’t worried in the slightest about it.

They shifted their position to lean forward slightly, scratching the side of their head. “I guess I just. . . don’t really get why you feel the need to. . . to be so rude sometimes,” they said quietly. Sometimes was an understatement, but it would get their point across, hopefully.

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Apollon couldn’t see how Juno thought being nice in this situation would be appropriate. What use did it serve but to make the other feel better? He didn’t need it, and he didn’t want it. Especially not from Juno. How are you? The weather’s nice, don’t you think? Things like that were meaningless. Empty. Worthless. But Apollon didn’t see the use in saying any of that right now. He’d wait for Juno to finish their thought. He needed to hear what they had to say, if the two of them were to reach whatever outcome Sol wanted here.

His eyebrows raised the slightest as he heard Juno’s reasoning. They see him as rude. Typical, and something he’s heard before. He doubted that was all either. But what should his response be? He knew that Sol would have to step in if the conversation devolved into an argument. Was that a price he wanted to pay so soon? He decided not.

“And could I ask, why you believe I’m so rude? Simply for some clarity.” While it wasn’t what Apollon wanted to say, it would make this conversation crawl closer to its end. He would wait his own turn to state his complaints.

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(I’m going to put a chicken on Apollon’s head)
(And nobody can fucking stop me)

Juno made a small, vaguely distressed noise. It was like Apollon just refused to be self-aware. They knew they probably wouldn’t get through to him, but what else could they do here? They noticed how Apollon just said whatever would end this conversation sooner, and didn’t actually care. They wished they could say the same about themselves.

Juno really didn’t know how to explain their thoughts, but it couldn’t hurt to try. “I. . . um, I guess because. . .” They trailed off, trying to think. “You. . . don’t really think about how what you say affects others. It’s inconsiderate. And. . . and kind of rude.” Maybe if they stated it like a fact, it wouldn’t be better received. They hoped so.

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Sol continues watching, silent as they conversate. The conversation wasn't going great, but it was a start he supposed. He began to pull up a few tabs in case something went south, continuing to observe from behind his book.

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“And so you would rather I say what makes you happy, instead of being transparent? I think about how my words may affect others, and I do not care. Everyone deserves to hear the cold truth once in a while.” Apollon tilted his head. He could never understand why everyone let their emotions get in the way of logic. Wouldn’t everyone want to hear the truth, instead of a sugar-coated lie?

Apollon sighed and folded his hands behind his back. The point of this conversation was to reconcile their differences, and get rid of the mutual hatred between them because if it. “But I suppose if that is the problem, what would make me more bearable to you?”

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Juno shook their head slightly, their annoyance growing. They knew Apollon didn’t care, he didn’t need to say that again. They glared at Apollon.

“Not everybody thinks like you do, Apollon.”

Juno took a deep breath. They shouldn’t get so worked up. That wouldn’t help, that would make things worse. They closed their eyes for a moment, then looked up at Apollon again.

“It’s not healthy to assume everyone has the same beliefs as you do. Most normal-“ They cut themselves off with a small cough. “Most people. . . we have emotions, and it’s not something that we can just get rid of, like you seem to want everyone to do. And I’d like you to try and understand that.”

Was that good enough? Juno remembered saying some variation of this several other times, but usually not as calm and collected as now. They felt. . . proud of themselves, for a moment, for keeping themselves in check.

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Apollon returned Juno’s glare. Of course what he said would get to them. He could tell their patience was being run thin just by listening to his words—anyone could see it. “Most normal people, as you say, can at least control their emotions better than you. And I understand most people aren’t machines that can get rid of their emotions as you see me. I understand it perfectly.” Venom practically dripped through his usually-emotionless tone. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t. He’d keep telling himself that.

Even if he was so different from everyone else, he wasn’t the only one causing a problem. “If I’m an emotionless outlier, then you’re a bleeding heart who can’t stop feeling. And as I examine your behavior for myself, I can’t see the reason in any of it.”

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(Sure, bestie, whatever keeps you relatively sane)

Juno flinched slightly at Apollon’s words, their stability seeming to crumble almost as quickly as they thought it came. They bit their lip, hard, to hold back their oncoming tears. They felt even smaller than normal, shrinking back against the tree trunk as much as they could, completely avoiding Apollon’s gaze.

“I- It’s not my fault. . . I can’t. . .” Juno’s voice cracked, and they went silent. Apollon didn’t understand. He never would. They drew in a shaky breath.

“You have no idea how hard I’m really trying, do you?” They asked. They slowly stood up, their back still against the trunk. They clenched their fists. “You don’t understand. You never will. So stop getting so angry at me over it, because I’m trying my best.”

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Sol prepares to step in. It looks like things were a single phrase away from getting messy. He waits for Apollon's response, but it is likely to be that one straw over, so he prepares himself to step inbetween an ensuing fight.

language

(Oops, I was going to respond yesterday, but things got busy.)

Apollon continued looking at Juno, looking into their eyes as they avoided his own. He watched them rise slowly, as if it was all they could do just to scrape their back against the tree trunk to stand. The presence of Sol in this situation now was practically a ghost in Apollon’s mind as his focus narrowed in on Juno like a pinprick.

“My idea of how hard you’re trying to keep yourself from snapping right now I can see clearly.” Like someone filled a cup with too much water, and it’s about to overflow. All it takes is the slightest movement and it spills out onto the floor. Meanwhile, the empty cup has nothing to spill.

“Your best, evidenced, needs work. But clearly I’m the only one who can see that, and you won’t listen.”

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(chef kiss ✨poetry✨)

Juno stayed silent. They were trying. They were. They were. It felt nearly impossible to convince themselves now.

Apollon’s gaze felt harsh, as if he was staring into their very soul, and judging that, too. Juno just wanted to curl up and disappear. They knew they needed work. That was obvious to them, too, probably even more so. It wasn’t usually ideal to wake up some mornings and barely have the energy to get up. Or to simply stop caring for themselves for long stretches of time, because they just couldn’t bring themselves to do it.

But Apollon didn’t know any of that. He didn’t know what Juno’s life was like. They tried to remind themselves that he had no right to judge them like this, like he always did. They hugged themselves tightly, rubbing their arms as a few tears fell from their eyes.

“Stop acting like you know everything,” was all Juno could bring themselves to say.

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(Tell me why I scrambled to this thread in a slight panic thinking I forgot to respond-)

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Sol was impressed. They were actually talking about their emotions and crud! Well, one of them was. More progress then they've had like, ever. He grins at them, like a proud father. He continues, to read in silence.

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(Sol seems to find the best in a terrible situation, he and Juno deserve everything)

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(We have sad bean, optimistic bean, and the guy nobody likes /j)

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(Oh shit oh fuck I forgot to respond-)

Apollon mentally recoiled as he saw Juno start crying. And so the cup finally overflows with a few more words, he thought. Should he test their limits, before Sol inevitably intervenes? That is what always happened before. In fact, this result might have actually came quicker than usual. Pathetic, weak thing-

Juno could never understand what he’s put himself through to turn out the way he is. Years of work, since he was a child. So that he wouldn’t be affected by trivial things. And what does he get in return? Someone who believes it should all be undone. “I know enough.”

(Apollon lore??)

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(I eated the lore (it was very yummy))

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Juno quickly wiped their tears, grimacing slightly as the effort of holding back their tears caused them a headache. They couldn’t break down like this, they wouldn’t. They took a breath and looked back up at Apollon, both stubbornness and discomfort showing through their expression.

“Just- shut up.” Juno edged closer to Sol a bit, still glaring at Apollon. “For the love of God-” They held their breath as more crying threatened to ensue. It was probably terrible for their health to shove down their emotions like that, but they really didn’t care. They drew in a sharp breath. “I know you think- you think that you’re all high and mighty while I’m just this stupid little overreacting creature- but you’re not.”

(Oops I’m totally not projecting my health issues onto Juno)

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Sol puts a hand on Juno's shoulder. "Hey. Nothing wrong with feeling a bit. Nothing wrong with pragmatism either." Juno was crying, but was trying to not cry, which was always unhealthy. He turns to Apollon, waiting for their response. Sol meets their gaze with a kindness, letting them know that Sol isn't against him, that he is here for the both of them.

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Juno looked over at Sol, still blinking rapidly in order to fight off their tears. Soon, they looked down and squeezed their eyes shut, letting out a quiet sob. They just stood there, letting themselves cry in silence. They slowly took their glasses off, hurriedly shielding their eyes with their hand instead. They didn’t want to get their tears on their glasses. They were also trying to hide their face.

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Apollon stared at Juno. He took a step back, which brought him out of the shade of the tree and into the sunlight. “Don’t think you know everything about me. You know nothing.” Apollon glared, and then looked at Sol.

“This was a mistake. I’m not sure what you expected from this meeting—but it was never meant to end well.” Apollon wanted to leave. Sooner rather than later. He was letting this conversation get to him, and he wanted it to stop.

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"Well, I wanted You two to finally talk about your issues with each other. Which….I suppose has succeded technically. ……" Sol looks at Apollon, gauging their feelings on the matter thus far. "You can leave now if….If you need to."