Steve looked at Bucky with a softened expression. "I don't know either," He said with a faint shrug, "I just know that I wish you saw yourself as I do. You're not a weapon, or some…awful person. Just Bucky."
Bucky shrugged one shoulder, eyes flashing down to the metal hand, and he shook his head. "I…I don't know, Steve." he said slowly.
"Take my word for it," Steve said, biting his lip as he reached over to hold Bucky's metal hand. The doubt in Bucky's voice was a bitter thing to hear. "Not a weapon. A person. Bucky Barnes."
Bucky shrugged. "I'm still a weapon, Steve." He replied. "Even if I am a person too, I'm still…a weapon. I've still got HYDRA's junk in my head. That's…not ever going to change."
Steve let out a quiet breath, looking down for a moment. "But…it's different," He said, chewing on his bottom lip, "You don't wanna hurt people anymore. You're a good guy."
Bucky shrugged. "Yeah, but I've still got…all of the HYDRA shit in my head, Steve. It's…" he shook his head jsut a little bit.
"–It shouldn't define you," Steve said, glancing at Bucky with a sincere look, "I mean, I know it's a part of you and that you can't change that. But I can't let you go through life thinking that the good part of you; the real and…non-HYDRA part of you is to blame.
Bucky swallowed softly. "I…" He ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. "I don't know, Steve."
Steve nodded thoughtfully. "It's complicated, I know," He said, softly shrugging, "But it'll get better, for both of us. I know it will."
"It will, I know, but…still." he replied, biting his lip a little bit. "I don't…I don't know my own head."
"Hey, it'll take time," Steve said reassuringly, taking his hand into his. "We can read books, figure out how to go from here, talk to each other, talk to other people–" He said, cautiously hinting at therapy, "–People who know about this stuff and wanna help."
Bucky frowned a little, but nodded. "I suppose." He said slowly. "I'm still…not quite sure what to do?"
"What to do about…what?" Steve prompted, softly raising his eyebrows, "About talking to me– or other people?"
"I don't know. All of it?" He let out a faint laugh, shaking his head and looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Steve said with a quiet smile, "You're tryin' your best. And things are a little tough right now. But…one day at a time, right?"
Bucky smiled faintly. "Right." He echoed with a nod, looking around the train for a moment.
"Okay," Steve quietly replied, smiling as he leaned back in his seat, listening as the muffled and barely decipherable intercom announced the next upcoming stop, "Hm, we're nearly there."
He nodded a little, looking around the train again, then at Steve. "We're just going to head back to the tower, right?" he questioned.
(dude what if like someone had managed to get a picture of one of their kisses and they wake up the next morning or in a few days and it's all over the magazines??)
"Sure, yeah," Steve nodded, glancing at his watch with a faint smile, "Unless you feel like doing something else out 'n about, at this hour."
(!!!yeah. but like, what/which kiss? cuz there's still the photo from the press party. queue tony smacking a tabloid on the table like it's evidence)
Bucky shrugged a little bit. "I can't think of anything, so…" He trailed off, shooting Steve a soft, fond smile.
(:D well not the Ferris wheel one, that's too high up, but maybe one of the ones on the beach?? And YES)
"Okay then," Steve softly replied, smiling back at Bucky at a faint chime rang overhead and their stop was announced. He glanced at the doors, feeling the train slowing, "This is us."
(ahaaa okay)
Bucky nodded a little, standing up and letting out a quiet breath. "Alright. Let's go." he said with a faint smile, looking at Steve.
Steve nodded, rising from his seat and walking through the doors. The platform outside was dimly lit and nearly empty as he walked towards the steps up to the muffled sound of traffic in the streets.
Bucky walked with Steve quietly, eyes flickering around the city as they headed back towards the tower. He felt…more at peace than he had in a while. Calmer.
The streets were quieter now it was late. It was still loud, of course; the city never slept. But the noise had reduced to a low hum of distant nightclubs and traffic as they made their way to the tower. "Hm, here we are," Steve said, smiling up at Stark Tower.
Bucky nodded a little, looking up at the tower. "Pretty big place." he remarked for no reason in particular.
Steve let out a quiet laugh, remembering what Bucky had said when they'd first arrived here; some halfhearted joke that Tony had turned dirty. "C'mon," He said with a faint smile, slipping his hand into Bucky's without thinking as he walked into the lobby.
Bucky held his hand gently as they walked, a faint smile on his face. He glanced around a little as they walked, keeping an eye out.
(jfdhgjdg i just noticed but 100 pages!!)
Steve smiled at the tired-looking receptionist as they walked through the lobby and to the elevators. “Okay, so maybe the Cyclone wasn’t that bad,” He said with a soft laugh, smiling fondly over at Bucky as the elevators doors closed.
(!!!!!ayeee 🥂)
