Critique My Story?

I have my first two chapters done and posted to fiction press, but no one seems interested… Mind critiquing so I can understand whats wrong?
https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3313466/1/A-Small-Incubus

I was about to read it but I'm on my school laptop and it's B L O C K E D

rip

@HumCat I swear my school gets triggered about every website I visit. It's only a matter of time before this one is blocked too.