Notebook.ai

Please tell me what you think of this short story :)

@Periwinkle_ LOSER forum 14 comments schedule
@Periwinkle_

Xx

@ravens

AAAAA OMG SO CUTE

i love this and i'd definitely read more! i love the flash concept you have, and i love how you've written the characters' interactions.

seeing as how the mc is named halle, is jacob based off a real person? ;)

@Periwinkle_

Kinda sorta, but very loosely. I
Just didn’t have any good names.

person_off
Deleted user

LOVE THIS LOVE THIS LOVE THIS dude that was so cute and well written!!!

@Periwinkle_

Thank you! I’m so glad you liked it! :)

person_off
Deleted user

I mean Jacob seems really cute and honestly I am very much like Melisa and Matthew when it comes to my friends's crushes

person_off
Deleted user

So it was very relatable

@Periwinkle_

Yayyyyyy I wrote it last night at like 2 am so I was hoping it would be okay

person_off
Deleted user

Definitely more than okay. May I give some more critic feedback, though?

@Periwinkle_

Yes, please!

@Periwinkle_

AAAAA OMG SO CUTE

i love this and i'd definitely read more! i love the flash concept you have, and i love how you've written the characters' interactions.

seeing as how the mc is named halle, is jacob based off a real person? ;)

Thanks btw for your feedback :)

@ravens

AAAAA OMG SO CUTE

i love this and i'd definitely read more! i love the flash concept you have, and i love how you've written the characters' interactions.

seeing as how the mc is named halle, is jacob based off a real person? ;)

Thanks btw for your feedback :)

yw! <3

person_off
Deleted user

Yes, please!

Okay, so maybe this is just me… The story is great, but I feel like you could join up the Halle x Jacob part with the flash part even more? Like, make the flash more meaningful for their relationship somehow. Cause both storys are great, but it feels just a little bit like they are two separate stories just put together. Maybe that's the meaning of it since the flash is supposed to show a different universe, but I feel like they could be joined together even more to create a reason for their confessions, as an exampel. Other than that, it's great!

@Periwinkle_

Thank you! That makes a lotta sense, I could even bring the other characters into the flash a bit more, specifically melisa and matthew