Notebook.ai

@FRANKtheTritoposaur March 21, 2023

//TW//SH suicide parental death (Homophobia mabye?)\

Spoiler - click to show.

Another worthless Day
Worthless. An insult. An insult constantly flung at me. Worthless. They’re right. I don’t deserve to live. That's why I’m here. Another worthless day?
I’ll pass.

MY body longs for death. My mind longs for pain and suffering. My hands crave stabbing and scraping and slicing. My legs crave the feel of cold metal against warm blood.

I need to get it out. I need to get out. My breath is steady as I take the knife and run my fingers along the blade. Gently, I run my fingers down my thigh. Feeling every cut and scar from every time.

The first was when I was 10. My mom had died and my grades were slipping and I had feelings for girls that I never had before. It was small. Two cuts no bigger than half an inch on each side.

The next was a year later. I had been publicly humiliated when I asked a girl out. She said no. I cut myself a lot then.

6 months later I was at it again because I failed a test. For the next few weeks I cut nearly every day. Loving the feel and look of the blood pooling on my skin.

Then she happened. I fell way too fast. I fell too hard. She was so pretty. I asked her out. She said yes. I was so shocked I forgot about my urges. She was my everything.

My sun.

My food.

My oxygen.

My worth.

My life.

I worshiped her for a year. Then she met someone else. I still was so in love I didn’t see. I didn’t feel her pull away. I didn’t know.

Then she dumped me. I cut myself so bad, I ran out of room on my legs and moved to my arms.

Then they saw.

They saw every message to myself that I carved in flesh.

They saw the times I told myself never again.

They saw the times I got hurt.

They saw my inside.

That was weeks ago. I’ve been being hit, kicked, and ridiculed everyday now. So, I’m going to end it. I’m going. I don’t care where as long as it isn’t in the moral body.

The blade goes deeper into my thigh and I wince with pain. I slice my legs a few more times. When they’re ruined beyond repair, i move the blade.

Ugh, I vocalize when I cut the skin on my soft stomach. I drive the blade in. I pull it out and drive it in again. I need to make sure they can’t fix me.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

I cry and my tears mix with blood. Thump, thump, thump!I
Someone is coming into the bathroom. I think I screamed too loud. I lean myself up against the stall door before they try to force in.

They’re screaming, I’m silent. It’s her. IT’S HER. I move.

The door slams open. She joins me in silence. I wave, showing off my cuts. She falls to her knees. I flash a smile and bring the knife to my chest. My hands are shaky now.

The knife is in my chest before she can grab it. We’re screaming together this time. I don’t know why she's yelling. I’m the one who stabbed herself.

I try to say something to her but I can’t speak. My throat is filled with blood. I smile again and blood drips out the sides. My head hurts. I want to go to sleep.

Gently, I lay myself down on the tile and close my eyes. The comfort of sleep, or death, takes me. I feel no more.

This story got flagged when I wrote it for potp but I'm still really proud of it so i decided to post here.

Deleted user March 21, 2023

Hello,
While you have put a TW it would be helpful to know what it is for before the story can be read. When someone goes into this with a tw, they still don't know exactly what they may be about to read, so please put one before the story starts mentioning what the tw is for, because there are a lot of triggering topics in this story.

Deleted user March 21, 2023

Obviously I'm not a mod and can't make you do anything but I just want you to know that

Deleted user March 21, 2023

However (since this seems like it might be based on personal experience) if you'd like, you may rant/vent in my DM's if you need to
(I'll stop spamming now)

@Serpentess March 21, 2023

Mod

(Estoc has a point regarding the trigger warning, though I’m going to expand on it a bit. Considering how dark this story is from the get go, I would suggest that, at the very least, you put a spoiler on the entire thing with a more specific trigger warning above. This way, if anyone who does have triggers stumble upon this, they won’t be triggered just by looking at the first sentence)
(Also, if you were taken to a counselor’s office for this, why are sharing this to a public website? For one, that isn’t good for you. Two, it isn’t good or respectful to anyone on this site because you seem to be showing them a suicidical story and saying it’s cool/fun, whether you actually are or not)
(So, I would suggest that you please, at least, modify the title and your story to be more respectful of those that would be triggered by this. Otherwise, please don’t share stuff like this. I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but this particular story, and especially its apparent context, needs to be adjusted somehow, if not taken down entirely)

@Serpentess March 21, 2023

Mod

(Also, to help you out, in case you don’t know how to do spoilers, here’s how. I got this from the tutorial thread that shows how to do formatting on this site. You’ll probably have to quote this post to see how I did it though, my phone’s being dumb right now)

Spoiler - click to show.

@FRANKtheTritoposaur March 21, 2023

(Estoc has a point regarding the trigger warning, though I’m going to expand on it a bit. Considering how dark this story is from the get go, I would suggest that, at the very least, you put a spoiler on the entire thing with a more specific trigger warning above. This way, if anyone who does have triggers stumble upon this, they won’t be triggered just by looking at the first sentence)
(Also, if you were taken to a counselor’s office for this, why are sharing this to a public website? For one, that isn’t good for you. Two, it isn’t good or respectful to anyone on this site because you seem to be showing them a suicidical story and saying it’s cool/fun, whether you actually are or not)
(So, I would suggest that you please, at least, modify the title and your story to be more respectful of those that would be triggered by this. Otherwise, please don’t share stuff like this. I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but this particular story, and especially its apparent context, needs to be adjusted somehow, if not taken down entirely)

Gonna respond bc I <3 talking. (TW, I mention suicide)I did change it so it has a big fat trigger waning with the triggers. I don't really want to change the story itself. The story is really close to me cause I may have subconsciously made it about me a tiny bit. I haven't tried to k my s I just needed to write something tragic and was really proud of it. I'm proud of the story itself not that they k-ed their s. I don't mean to be disrespectful, sorry that it came off that way tho, I have a lot of ppl who tired in my life. My writing style is gory in general. I will change the title of the thread if I can(Idk if I can) If I cant I'm gonna try to delete this thread and make one with a better title. The cake will be the same but the frosting will be diffrent.

@Serpentess March 21, 2023

Mod

(I appreciate it, and thank you for adjusting everything. And, I wasn’t referring to changing the story itself, I just meant changing everything around it, like the title and adding the better trigger warning. And, I get that you’re proud of the story, and that’s fine, just please make sure to be more careful in the future, particularly with how you introduce it. Please and thank you)

@FRANKtheTritoposaur March 21, 2023

(I appreciate it, and thank you for adjusting everything. And, I wasn’t referring to changing the story itself, I just meant changing everything around it, like the title and adding the better trigger warning. And, I get that you’re proud of the story, and that’s fine, just please make sure to be more careful in the future, particularly with how you introduce it. Please and thank you)

(I will in the future, making jokes is how I deal with traumatic things so I was kindof coping about something I wrote while coping?? Idk it was weird. I just joke about things that I probs shouldn't. I'm gonna use spoilers more now tho!!)

@Serpentess March 21, 2023

Mod

(Thank you. That’s fine, though just be aware that, with text, unfortunately, a joke can be miscontrued as being serious, simply because it’s difficult to show tone in text [no matter how much we want it to be easy])
(I’m glad I could help with the spoilers, lol. The formatting abilities here are fun once you figure them out [hence why I linked the tutorial thread, because you can do all sorts of stuff])
(Anyway, I’ll leave this be now)

Really sad story that got flagged. //TW// SH, parental death, Suicide\\