Weapon Twenty-Four Book 1: A Weapon's Search for Feedback

Yeah…
Would anyone be willing to help me with my first draft? I'm not necessarily looking for a critique at this exact time, since it's just a first draft, and I don't feel there's a point in critiquing those.
But I'd love general feedback, what should stay, what you like, just someone to help me along the journey as I try to wrap up book 3. Anything would be appreciated!

In case anyone's curious:
It's an action/comedy, leaning right hard on the comedy
It's a trilogy
Aside from gore and such, it's SFW
Very gen Z humor
the first book is 30 chapters, about 300 pages (I think, going off memory here)
If anyone's interested, I'll share bits of it here

(Hello there, friend. Do you still need some help?)

(Ah, yes, if you are willing, that would be lovely!! <3 <3)

(I sure am. ^-^)

I really appreciate it <3
Do you have a preference between this thread or PMs? I could go either way :)

Personally, I'd prefer to do it via thread. ^-^ But, if you decide to do it through PM, that wouldn't be a problem.

No, thread works! ^^
And so sorry I've been slow to reply, I've been super stressed and busy currently.

So how much do you want to read at a time? I could do anything from like a paragraph to the whole chapter, to a page, whatever works well for you ^^ I want to make it as easy for you as I can :)

Depends on the length of the chapter, but I'm good with at least several paragraphs at a time (i.e., five to ten or more). If the chapter is around 2,000-3,000 words or less, I may be able to do a chapter at a time, but if I'm busy it may take me longer to read sections like this. However, if they are longer, we may want to break them up. ^-^ Also– no worries about the delayed response. I've been quite preoccupied myself.

My first chapter runs about 4000 words, but they vary greatly. Usually they're about ten pages each?
Maybe I can split a chapter in half-ish, and send you them in two parts? ^^
I'll also warn you right now that it rapidly devolves into utter anarchy and chaos xD

I like it when things escalate into tension quickly, so thank you for this.
Splendid. Splitting them in half sounds perfect to me.

I hope it lives up to the expectation ^^ I'll also warn it devolves pretty rapidly into utter nonsense also xDD
Okay! I'll go ahead and grab the first part, but take all the time you need reading it ^^ Let me know what you think :)

^-^ Thank you. I am quite eager to take a peek at this piece. :3

(Sorry for the late reply, I got caught up re-reading it xDD)
The formatting a little weird if I just copy paste, so I'm going to put it in a document and share it here, if that works. Sorry!

Here you go!
https://www.notebook.ai/documents/104298

Here's my analysis thus far:

Grammar mistakes: These are incredibly easy to have. I am an English whiz (not to brag) and a lover of all things grammar, and I still screw things up all the dang time. BUT, you had very few of these, and since they're just simple typos that you'll easily discover anytime you go through for another edit, I don't even feel the need to point them out. You're clearly capable of writing good, logical paragraphs, so kudos to you for your impressive work.

Backstory: Okay, so I hear people all the time saying, "Don't give us a background info dump during the first chapter," but I personally think that there's nothing wrong with this so long as you do it right. I feel like the backstory revolving around Ram's friend, Anthony, might be considered an info dump, but I'm not necessarily recommending you change it because I liked it a lot. I believe that the information is quite important to the story, so I don't care what people say about backstories on page one. I think you're justified here. Others may disagree, so take that as you will, and keep in mind that my opinion will vary from the next reader's.

Characters: I'm barely into the story, so I can't tell you who my favorite character is or how endearing they are, but I'm sure this will become more clear to me as I watch their actions and behavior throughout the story. I will say that, despite the fact Anthony is dead, I already like him.

Writing style: This is my favorite part. Your writing style. I'm a fan of this. It was humorous to me without being overly goofy, and I'm that one jerk that loves humorous writing in a dark setting, so this immediately had my attention from the first few paragraphs. Intelligence and humor combined equal wit. I love wit. You're witty. Brilliant, my friend. Brilliant.

AAHH TYSM!!!
I'm glad my grammar isn't too bad, I almost never re-read, so that's a relief to hear :D

Yeah, the backstory was a big debate of mine, but at the end of the day, I couldn't really think of another way to do it, so I just tried to make it entertaining xD I'm glad you liked it, thank-you!

I'm really looking forward to hearing who becomes your favorite, please keep me updated on your opinions of all of them! ^^ Yeah, Anthony's one of my faves xD He's something special, that's for sure xDD

Oh, thank heavens I'm not the only one :D I always like to toss some humor into my darker works, even if it is, well, dark xD he I first got the idea for this book, I was a little doubtful how I could pull of such a serious theme but in a funny way. I hope it continues to be that! Thank-you very much for your kind words, they mean a lot ^^ I'm very glad my style is attractive, and not too jarring right away ^^

Thanks so much for reading, I'll update the document with the second half of the chapter and share it again ^^
And also again, no need to be prompt in replying, take all the time you need ^^
https://www.notebook.ai/documents/104298

Alright! Just finished it. It's still really good so far. I'm loving it. My previous analysis still stands firm!

Also– rAM nO wHAT aRE yOU dOING bOI dON'T dO dRUGS

Also, I'd like to comment on Cal: I'm a fan of him, despite the fact that he's a drug dealer. He reminds me of a combo of two of my own characters– a drunk Irishman named Shamus and a very kind-hearted drug-maker who is way more complicated than he was originally supposed to be (since, you know, he started out as a side character and somehow became important).

Anywho, you are very welcome. Thank you for the story. I'm enjoying this so far, and I can't wait to see where it goes from here.

asdfghjkl I'm so glad you're enjoying ittt

Yea, that boi dumb. No one ever claimed he had the best ideas xDD

Yeah, Cal was actually based off my old youth minister. (Who did not sell drugs lol. He just was really accepting, non-judgemental and loving)
(loool that same thing happened with Cal xDD He wasn't supposed to be anybody at all, but he really becomes an important character xDD)

Hang on and I'll get part of chapter 2 ^^

Here you go! ^^ Enjoy :)

approval noise
I'm loving this. ^{I can feel the tension rising and have a desperate need to see more.}
Again, the writing style continues to please me very much. Grammar mistakes are few and far between. Descriptions are great. Choice of wording is amazing. ^-^

eee tysmmmm
I'm really glad you are so invested after only the first chapter :D That means a lot ^^
Thanks sm for your feedback!
Here's the first part of chapter two :)
https://www.notebook.ai/documents/104298

Splendid! I just finished it. I liiiikkkkeeeeeee.

To keep you updated on my character favorites, I've gotta say that I'm a fan of Jiji, and somehow Wiggins has managed to intrigue me. XD

Ah, yay! :D

Okay, thanks!! I'm Really glad, I wanted both of them to be likable/interesting :D

Here's chapter 3 :)
https://www.notebook.ai/documents/104298

Let me know especially what you think of this chapter, once you read it all, as it's got some pretty important setting up for later events here and I want to make sure it's done okayish at least xDD

(I'm so sorry! I lost this thread and forgot about it for awhile. I haven't abandoned you though! Promise!)

(ahh, no problem at all! That happens to me all the time! I'm glad you're still into it <3)