A chat for queer people, but mainly trans/nonbinary/not cis people

I don't wanna gatekeep and like, any of the queers can join but I specifically wanna talk to my fellow trans people because solidarity and the whole e x p e r i e n c e of it all. If that makes sense.

Anyways who has played the game of "casually dropping hints that you're trans to extended family you haven't come out to yet, but never actually coming out for fear of rejection."

Y'know, I definitely thought they would've caught on after my bazongas suddenly turned into pecs but nay, no one has yet to say anything on my lack of fat sacs. But I do plan on coming out to them when I'm no longer relying on them for food/shelter/financial support. I have a feeling that they wouldn't mind, but I want to be extra sure I'm safe in case they don't react well.

My mother was the only one I could truly rely on to support and accept me no matter what, but since she's not around anymore I have to tread carefully around my other family members. I tried to tell my father two years ago, but he shoved me back into the closet for two reasons. One, I was in a very conservative rural high school, and coming out there was a huge risk. Two, everything around him was changing and he desperately needed his rock, me, to stay the same. But now that those conditions don't apply anymore, I've been very tempted to come out again, but I also don't want to experience being shoved back into the closet again. My grandparents are wildcards. In the past, my grandmother has directly spoken ill of the LGBTQ+ community, and specifically targeted trans people. Recently though, I feel as if her hatred has been dampened thanks to my mothers last efforts to quell any misunderstanding. My grandmother has expressed to me on multiple occasions that even older generations can still learn new tricks, such as accepting my sexuality, my spirituality, and even stating her new belief that "not everyone is 100% male or female, it's a spectrum". I definitely know my brother is not educated in this matter, but knowing his personality it may just take a few strict talks until he finally gets it.

Now, those may seem like good signs, and I agree, but I also don't know for sure how any of them will react when I do come out to them. I'm just building up the strength so that if it does go badly, I won't be an emotional wreck.

Sorry that was long, but that's also been weighing on me for a while.

No bro that's valid. Sorry you're going through it right now.

Thanks man. It's chill though, I'll be moving an entire state away in less than a year now, so I have that to look forward to.

Awesome! It's kinda sad though, you can really only ever be yourself when you're not around your family. It's just depressing for me cuz even though family can accept you, they never can know who you really are as a person and then more likely they'll shun you forever.

I don't think I'm willing to say that I'm trans or non-binary, but I know I don't feel comfortable with my gender most of the time and I'm not sure what I should do about it. Like I'm straight sexually and all, but I feel so uncomfortable with my gender and I think I would be more comfortable if I'd been born the other, if that makes any sense.

Honestly I had those feelings too. You might be trans, you might not be, but sometimes gender exploration helps! Try a new hairstyle or some clothing matching with the identity you want to explore and see how it feels to you. Honestly, what helped me most in figuring out who I was was talking to trans people and seeing how their experiences lined up with my own. Idk, this might not help but I hope it does!

Thank you! Subconsciously I've always drawn more to the clothing of the opposite gender, but my style feels fairly gender neutral as it is. Hoodies and t-shirts make up 90% of it. The only problem is that my hair is an awkward length for styling how I imagine I'd like it, but since I've always kept it about the same, I'm not sure how people would respond if I did change it up. They might think it's a little sus, and I'm not ready for that. I'm uncomfortable with myself as a person in general though which makes things difficult sometimes. Plus, I do believe in God and value my beliefs over my gender identity, even if the latter makes me uncomfortable. So it's all sort of a weird complicated struggle for me at the moment. Honestly I already know where my answer falls but I keep taking myself in circles with it anyway.

Also, I have a weird question. If someone goes trans, but likes people of their opposite assigned gender, would they be considered gay? I know they're part of the LGBTQ community because they're trans, but if a man becomes a woman but still is attracted to women, is he/she a lesbian or technically still straight because they were assigned male?

Minor correction, there's no such thing as "going trans", you just are and that's okay. But! I'm nitpicky so ignore me. And because a trans woman is well, a woman, she would be very, very lesbian! Good for her, because trans lesbians rock! But that's off topic.

I also struggled with personal beliefs when I was questioning my identity. I thought I was an atheist for the longest time. But I am Christian, and it's just as much a part of my identity as my transness.

God loves all Their creations, and you aren't a bad Christian for something you cannot control. Even if those in your life won't accept you for who you are, there will always be others who will, and that's a holy thing, you know?

Yoyo I'm also questioning my gender and am Christian! I think I'm non binary. At this point I think I'm sure of it, I'm just sorting through internalized transphobia, and of course my spiritual beliefs. These resource might help you (if you're a Christain, that is)-

https://reformationproject.org/biblical-case/

Honestly it's been like 3 years and I'm still questioning my gender. It's complicated, but I'm happy with what I have for now.

I'm not Christian, but I do feel ya on that internalized transphobia bullshit, Owen. It sucks and I wish I could manifest my thoughts into corporeal form just so I could punch them into the stratosphere.

Internalized transphobia sucks, I agree. But a reminder: you are who you are. You are loved. Who you are is okay. You are not broken, you are strong, and you are so amazing and powerful. You all deserve the best <3

yass

Also, we're fuckin gorgeous and just lovely people, I must admit.

(Oop— sorry about the trans thing. Didn't mean it to sound bad.)

Thanks for the encouragement and resources. It really means a ton!! I think the wisest thing for me to do would be to pray that God would help me find who I am and stuff. If you guys have more to say about how you feel about being a trans Christian though I'd really like to hear it because I've never met any trans Christians.

Well you have now! My identity as a trans person relating to my Christian identity is actually pretty relaxed, because of my relationship with God. If you have any questions though, don't hesitate to ask!

Me: returns excitedly with my questions
Them: Deleted User
Me: : ' )

aww. You can ask me if you want, though like I said I'm still sorting through some things. I'd like to think I'm pretty knowledgeable. If I can't answer it, we'll both just have a good question to sit on for a while lol.

Brain: it's time to come out as non binary. It's been weighing on you for some time. You're not a boy or a girl. There are other people who exist outside of man and woman. It's real. It's ok.

Also brain:
but what if you're wrong 👁👄👁

When you have to play into your family's transphobic jokes and use the wrong pronouns for trans people so they don't get sus ahaha

rip

Yoyo Alex

nj here
afab demiboy (he/they please)
asexual, panromantic, polyamorous.
and the dysphoria fucking sucks