Broken

I always try and smile as best I can, I try to be happy and be a light to those around me. I try and comfort when I can and make jokes. I enjoy making others laugh. But no one knows. While I look bright and happy, no one seems to see the pain I feel. I feel like there is something constantly clawing in my throat, waiting to burst out in a fit of sobs. I feel as if my stomach is being twisted into knots, over and over, and there is no relief. I feel tired, hungry, stressed, anxious… no one knows. No one sees. I have felt like this for months. Thanksgiving felt mundane and boring. I couldn’t even enjoy Christmas fully. My usual happy and excited demeanor around that time of year had diminished to nothing. I felt pressured, broken. Why do I feel like this, I kept asking myself. What is wrong with me? What happened to the girl who so enjoyed this a year ago. She is dying. She is being enveloped by a girl of stone. She can’t feel those normal happy emotions. Her life is dull, and she is breaking. Every new assignment given, every new load of work is a mallet being smashed into her, rock breaking. The stress breaks her until she is nothing but a pile of rubble, a faint imprint of the girl she was before. And the moment I see a light in my life, it is snatched away like a loaf of bread tossed to beggars. Those people I trusted and loved most have become distant. Untrustworthy. I don’t trust my friends, let alone my own parents. No one knows. No one realizes. Even when I am speaking with people who don’t even know who I am but are willing to talk, the most I allow myself to open up is to say, “I am stressing over this one assignment,” or “My parents took away my book, so now I am forced to do homework.” It breaks me further. I am cracked, broken, and I fear I will shatter. Someone help me. Please….

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. That's awful. I'm here for you. PM me whenever you need it. And I mean whenever. It won't be a burden to me, if that's something you're worried about. I'll be your friend, if you want. Whoever you are, just know that I love you and appreciate you and will always be here for you.

Thanks Ravens. That means a lot.❤️

Always.