I've had this girl critiqued a lot, I mainly want to tie up any loose ends.
This girl I have not had critiqued yet at ALL.
This guy:
And finally this guy:
I know it's a lot of characters, so you certainly don't have to do all of them, but if you're willing that'd be great!
First thing I would like to say is under Facial Hair you put "eyebrows" why don't you elaborate like thin, bushy, well kept, etc.
Also you mentioned the year was 795 and that girl 2 wore contacts. Which weren't invented yet. (They could exist in your alternate timeline.) But you could try sunglasses.
Next up girl 2 sounds a bit stereotypical. She's a rebellious princess that's over sheltered and wants freedom. (Sounds like most Disney princesses.) I don't want to insult you but, try something fresh. Something that sets her apart from the pack. Try giving her a new motivation to leave her castle.
Guy 2, Taryn is a pretty likable character, but something bothers me. You said that he's a con artist and spent three years on the streets as a child. This should have developed street smarts and the ability to lie. But you said he's not that good a liar and he puts trust in the wrong people. Depending on how you write the story it could work. But it seems like a bit of a contradiction. I hope this helps
Thanks! There is a bit more to Naomi, and her reason behind running away, I just haven't written it out yet. I meant to do so before I posted this, but I forgot. Her reason is because her mother is pressuring her to get married (that part is cliche just keep reading) which Naomi is desperate to get away from because she knows that even if she comes out to her family as preferring girls, her mother would never accept it and force her into a marriage with a guy.
That's the part I have figured out, although because of how stereotypical it is I want to see if I can add to/change her reasoning.
I also mainly wrote contacts at the time because I hadn't thought about it yet, but as there is magic in the form of talisman's and potions in this world she actually uses a potion to change her eye colour.
Anyway, thanks for the tips!
It was my pleasure!
I'm still here for a few more minutes if you need any more help.
