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You could critique mine or I could critique yours. Just let me know what you wanna do or you could just send your character :)
Critique each other's characters?
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The New Age this is my universe and I'm pretty sure you can see all my characters from there? If not just let me know and i'll send the direct link.
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here you can critique my character. Invalid Character I'll look at your stuff. :)
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here you can critique my character. Invalid Character I'll look at your stuff. :)
I clicked your link but i think your content might be private
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I looked at your characters, and I think they were all pretty good, but they need more information and characterization. Dani seems to be a stereotypical punk/goth character, also could you explain the names 72? Exept for that they were great.
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I tried clicking the link and it said i don't have permission to view the content :/ so it might be set as private. And the 72 thing has to do with an organization he was a part of where they all went by numbers instead of names. Thank you sm for your feedback tho and i'll take a look at your characters when it's public :)
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Okay thanks!
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I think I fixed it.
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I took a look at it and she looks great ! I just have some questions.
Why is the Lynette’s money running out? Is it because her father can’t work?
It says that it would be inappropriate if she got a “peasant” job (which I’m assuming has to do with horseriding/training) but if one of her motivations is freedom , then why doesn’t she do it anyway?
And this sounds a little bit cold, but if her father is likely going to die soon, is it the worst thing for him to marry Ms. Tarren?
The main things I'm confused about are more storyline related so she's a great character !
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Thank you for the critique! So yes their money is running out because he can't work, it's also because he made some bad business decisions and also because he chose to support a start up that never actually started. She can't get a job because in her society that would mean she fell into 3rd class and no one would associate with her or her family. Her dad does …die at the end. The main reason she doesn't want her dad to marry Ms. Tarren is because Ms.Tarren is generally an unpleasant person. It also means that Odessa would be her daughter and totally dependent on their money. If they chose to they could throw her out of the house. Which is something Ms. Tarren might actually do.
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Ok ! thank you for clearing that up it makes a lot more sense now that i have more context. Also i was wondering if you had any suggestions as to what i could change about Dani to make her a little bit less of a stereotypical punk. If you dont have anything in mind I totally get it :D
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Maybe she can listen to sad music whenever she's really angry to calm down. Not sure how exactly that would work. She teach her rats tricks, or something?
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Or maybe she's trying to be punk on purpose because she thinks it looks cool.
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A big reason took on the kinda punk aesthetic is because her brother dresses like that and listens to that kind of and she kinda idolizes him (like i said in her notes, she would follow his lead without question). and her personality has a lot to do with her upbringing and the kind of household she grew up in. She coped and handled it all in a way that made her the way that she is. And i dont think i would have her rats knowing tricks or anything, but it's kind of a thing that she talks to them as if theyre people (which i think is adorable). But anyways, thank you sm for your feedback and if you want me to review any of your other characters I'd be happy to :)
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Sure.
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This one is not from the same universe.
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Once again this character is really good ! I was just wondering if she maybe had some alternate motivations and goals other than protecting her village. I understands that she's a side character, so it's not necessary, but i just feel like there are a lot of one dimensional side characters out there and that it'd be nice if there was a little bit more depth. Like I said it's not needed, she already seems like a great character !
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Thank you. I'll think about that.
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Hey, want another character to critique? My main antagonist needs some help
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Yea ofc send the link ! :)
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https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/950428# he has a really long backstory just so you know. The entire book is about how his story affects Fern.
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This is a really good character ! Once again, very fleshed out, but i do a have a couple questions.
-Did vorin abandon all the love he’d had for cheeri when he found out about her cheating? And if not, why would he do all these things that would surely just push her away further? Does he just have no concept of how tragedy affects people?
-What made him decide to raise ferrinisis as his own? Wouldn’t the hate that he harbors for adair make him want to kill her too?
-Why didn’t he want the world knowing that Fern was his child, but was fine with claiming farrinisis, even though she isn’t actually his own, especially since it seems like her cares deeply for fern?
-Was adda anna’s intent to turn fern against her father? Or was her intent purely to tell the truth? Did vorin simply take it as a betrayal?
-And finally, he’s loyal to his family, yet ruined his wife and daughters life? Was he only truly loyal to his father?
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Alright I'll try to go through each point.
1)He was really hurt and angry and you know people do dumb things when they're like that, their relationship had been going downhill for awhile (It didn't really start of that great to begin with) No he doesn't really understand tragedy, or feelings, he's not a people person (that feels like a lame excuse, sorry)
2)He understands that Ferrinisis was just a baby and didn't do anything wrong. Also her raised her as his own and used her as an assassin who was totally and completely loyal to him, so it wasn't really out of the kindness of his heart.
3)This is a plot hole I'm struggling to fill. Thanks for pointing it out. I'm thinking maybe he was super paranoid and thought she would be assassinated if he let the public know, or he thought it would effect his other children badly, maybe he just thought I'd be better if no one knew, he's kinda weird like that. There's also a version where he's actually not aware Fern is his child, but I didn't write that version down because I'm still kinda iffy about it.
4)Adda Anna saw that Fern admired Vorin (he was her teacher) and since she actually did believe Vorin had killed Fern's parents she decided she couldn't hide it from her anymore (she only hid it in the first place because Vorin is scary) she didn't want Fern to be one of his minions
5)Vorin is loyal to his father and his father's cause, he's also loyal to his family name, the house of the Vora. It's a whole "bloodlines" and "ancestors" thing. He didn't really consider his wife a part of his family once she cheated on him. He wasn't trying to ruin Fern's life, but he did- several times.
Thank you for the critique, those were questions I needed to think about more:)
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Ok ! that clears a lot of things up. And don't worry about the lame excuse thing because i have plentyyyy when it comes to my characters :)
@stolenbrocoli I really love how Ana De La Cruz is a woman and is sexist towards women, its a real refresher you know? you always get the sexist men, the feminist men, and the feminist women, so a sexist woman towards women I think is a game-changer and I am ABSOLUTELY for it 100%!!! love that idea and it makes a cool, unique character.
also, please don't feel obligated to look at my characters, they're all just additions I think would fit nicely into novels and movies I read/watch. I really just like looking at other people's work, you know to maybe spark some inspiration.
once again don't EVER change Ana De La Cruz's sexism towards women. it's great. it's new. and it's interesting. love it
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@ /Lauren thank you so much ! i actually made her sexist cos on the day that i made her i encountered a sexist women on instagram and it kinda inspired me ! it’s not something that’s portrayed very often and i it also plays a part in the progression of the story. :D
@stolenbrocoli so i need some help. ive been thinking about this character lately Samuel Hargreeves and I REALLY need someone else's opinion on the matter. he's a winged character who was part of a superhero group and he especially got a LOT of attention when he was a child (I dont know if you've seen or read the umbrella academy or not). but right now I have him as an anxious character who knows he'll never be able to fit in due to his physical differences. this causes him to hide in isolation. but right now I don't know if that makes any sense or if it's too predictable.
so if you would mind reading through his traits that would be great. and I would love your opinion… should I keep him as an isolated character, or should I change him to a more chronically egotistical (NPD) character whos always embraced his differences… if that makes any sense?
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@ /Lauren I have watched the umbrella academy ! And, fair warning, i don't think i have a single character that isn't at least a little toxic, so i'm sorry if my suggestions add a bit of toxicity to your character.
And before i begin i have some questions:
Why does he want to erase the attention he got as a child and what kind of attention did he get from his family?
Why does he think he'll never blend in as much at his siblings when Luther stands out a lot? (though i do understand that being large is different than having wings but you get my point)
Is he atheist or agnostic, because i think the difference between the two can really give some insight to what kind of person he is?
Why would he never want to give up his wings if they've caused him so much pain and trouble and insecurity?
Now that i've asked my questions, lets get into my suggestions on what you should do with his insecurity.
If you go the egotistical route, i think you should make it something he really flaunts but you could do this in many ways
-you could make him stay good (which i'm assuming he is) and use his wings to help many more people than he could from the ground, but he could develop a bit of a hero complex
-you could also turn him into a villain. Make him reach a breaking point in his insecurity. Give him a thought process that's kind of like "if i can't hide my wings then i won't let people ridicule me for them"
Now, if you go the insecure route, you have more bland options.
-you could make him someone that helps plan things on the inside (if he has any strategic knowledge)
-or you could make him a useless hermit
But, you could also combine some of them
-he helps from the inside but realizes that he wants to do more, so he chooses to fight past his insecurities and help his siblings help people.
-he helps from the inside, but he hates that he isnt getting any recognition so he becomes an antagonist.
There are a lot of different combos you could do.
I'm personally into the idea of him turning into a villain (because i'm a sucker for toxic character development) but go with whichever of those appeals to you the most.
I hope i helped :)
@stolenbrocoli thank you thank you thank you!!!! this is exactly what I needed and definitely one of the most helpful critiques I have gotten. this means so much and you gave me a LOT to think on. I love the toxicity idea ;) very VERY much appreciated, this will help a lot. and one more thing. a quick answer too. are the wings too much? too… mary sue… as some would say?? is it an overdone thing do you think??? tell me honestly. i need to know.