https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/576395- This here is my main man Dwayne Roman, I basically gave a person like the worst power I could possibly have all rolled into a ball of idiotic, illogical fun.
I just polished him up a bit so lemme know what you think I could take another peek at.
Dwayne seems like a very interesting character to me. There are few things i just didn't get though. It'd help me, and others too, if you cleared up these small plot holes.
-Why are his eyes miss-matched
-If "He can teleport anywhere in the world so long as he can focus on where he wants to go" then why can he never control where he wants to go?
-You're a little confused on what ADD is. ADD isn't random jolts of thinking, it's not being able to focus, getting bored easily, or having a really short attention span. What you're describing seems more like ADHD, since Dwayne seems very hyperactive.
-Maybe go more in-depth as to why his parents made him wear an ankle bracelet
-What makes Dwayne annoying and random? What actions does he make for people to think that?
I have ADD so it's more like the brain is hyperactive. There are several different symptoms that all lead to ADHD or ADD and people can experience others more than others. Like ADD kids don't have too many of the Hyperactive symptoms. When I was 15 I could be distracted so easily and shit would just pop in my head. Your right on all of those things, I'm not denying that but at times random thoughts do just pop in. It's like your mind makes little jumps.
So the idea is if Dwayne thinks of a place or pictures a place just randomly, boom he's gone.
His eyes are mismatched cause it's heterochromia I just thought it would look cool.
But I am definitely taking you up on some of your critiques and I am currently updating him.
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Overall he looks good. I really like how you made ADD affect his powers. It's all very interesting.
Okay thanks for pointing those things out. I've gotten better at writing it's just some of these guys were my first on here so I'm just looking at updating them. I did write somewhere that he's not on house arrest he just has the modified ankle monitor to track him when he disappears. And I will be thinking of more flaws.
Well um cough considering the fact that he doesn’t take criticism well…i’d not infuriate the guy with the aluminum bat who can teleport
Pops behind you rests bat against your head* Whispers* You talkin shit bro?
That last post got me. I can't with it.
I-i'm sorry, i wasn't…s-sorry
