Critiquing Your Characters

I did one of these before, but it's lost to the currents of the forum and I don't feel like bringing it back, so I'm doing another one! I'll critique your characters for free, but this time I'm setting some ground rules.

1. Only send me one (1) of your characters. After I critique that one, feel free to send another. I'll critique as many as you need, no complaints, but only one at a time so I can give them the proper attention they deserve!
2. Your character MUST be fleshed out to the best of your ability. I don't want to help you make a character from scratch or a halfway point. I'm here to critique a character you think you can't develop without outside input. I don't want to view characters that have a bunch of blanks!
3. Don't send me repeats. If I critiqued your character in the past, don't send them with the updated version of my critiques. It's great that some of you might take my opinion to heart, but I won't have anything to say about them, and it'll clog everything up. Send me newer characters!
4. For the love of god, make sure they're public. Please.

All in all, I want this to be as fun as the last time I did it, but I don't want to get burned out again, so I'm hoping these rules will keep it a little more slow and steady. So link your characters and I'll critique away!

Hope I'm not being creepy by how fast I'm responding, but your critique was so good last time I couldn't resist! Critique my semi-antagonistic side character?

@"Write Like You're Running Out Of Time"
Don't worry, you're not being creepy! To be honest, I'm flattered!
Enzo

• Muscle spasms make for an interesting mannerism. I've never really thought about it, but I like it! It's a good set of mannerisms, especially since he's a side character, so he won't need as much focus. On that note, his motivation is also good. It can be a bit harder to critique side characters because they don't need as much as main ones, but I think it's fine to have a singular motivation as long as its powerful.
• His flaws are good, but how is it a bad thing that he relies on his reputation to get what he wants? After all, he worked to get that reputation, so is it more of a manipulative thing? Is using his reputation detrimental to the wellbeing of others? Basically, how is it a misuse? Is there something else he should be using in place of his reputation to get what he wants?
• It's interesting that while he uses his reputation in what seems like a flippant way, you describe that he'll only use his charismatic charms if it benefits him. So is his charisma a planned facade? Behind the mask, does he lack this charismatic touch? Does that make interacting with people extra taxing for him?
• Thank god that you gave him some normal hobbies! I've seen so many villains who are a culmination of evil and anti-protagonist behavior, but he feels like a real person who just happens to be in (semi) opposition to the plot. It's not an easy thing to pull off, but at least you're doing it!
• I keep using the word interesting, I sound like a broken record, but it's, well, interesting that his OCD manifests as part of making a perfect world! Definitely play around with this idea in his character, and give it a healthy backing of research. I know absolutely nothing about OCD, so I can't offer any input on the subject. But it's a unique aspect to him, so even if he's a side character he'll have something that makes him stand out from the crowd. Also, as far as prejudices go, would he have a prejudice against people who are too lazy to stand up and fight? Those who say that things will solve themselves and they don't need to act, would that annoy him? Would he look down on these people?
• So he believes in an indifferent God, and he's a man who likes action and passion. Does he dislike this indifferent god he sees? Does it make him bitter? Are there people around him who clash with these ideals? Would he use God as a way to gain ground with people, kind of like he does with his reputation?
• Aww, he likes bunnies!
• Overall, he's well done! He's got more heart and humanity than most antagonists, even if he is just listed as a 'semi' antagonist. He stands on his own two feet and has a bit of a life outside of his goals, so you did good! Good luck with him!

Thank you for your help! Seriously, your critiques are amazing. I'm glad you like him, and I'll definitely consider your suggestions. :D

Can you critique my OC? Wesley Emmett Chance

@snowflake_castiel Sure thing!
Wesley

• I don't normally say anything about how a character looks, mostly because that is the least important part of a fictional character you can only read about, but I find his weight a little offsetting. I'm too lazy to look up a weight chart, but 125lbs at 6'1" seems unhealthy, and his body type is listed as slim with some muscle, not super unhealthily skinny. For a point of reference, I'm a girl who is 5'1", a whole foot shorter than this character, and I weigh 104lbs. Men tend to pack on more weight than women even at the same heights. I don't think there should be just a ~20lbs difference here. Unless it's a typo or something, I'd reconsider this. I mean, weight isn't super important in storytelling, but since it's available for me to read here I'm putting it as part of this critique.
• So he's listed as a minor character in the universe, but a major one in his own story, which I assume means he's getting his own story that he stars as the lead of? If that's the case, right now he only works as a minor character, and even that is a little touchy.
• Twitchy works for a mannerism, but the rest don't. Sarcasm, bluntness and protectiveness are not mannerisms, they're personality types. Mannerism resides in the physical, like tapping your foot or being unable to keep still. Since he's a hunter, maybe he has some sort of tic that he does when using a weapon, like tapping it or twirling a smaller weapon (like a knife). Something that makes his movements unique to him. As a minor character, you won't need much, but a major character will.
• His motivations are incredibly one note, which again, is fine for a minor character, but it does nothing for the sake of interest. It builds him up as forgettable and kind of contrasting. He wants something as serious as revenge, but also just wants to go on an adventure. It strikes me as odd. See, adventurous characters aren't above revenge, but it doesn't necessarily coincide at the starting point. Take two anime protagonists, Gon from Hunter x Hunter and Naruto from, well Naruto. They both definitely want adventure, but their primary motivation is equally as wholesome as this (find his dad and become Hokage respectively). Another character from Hunter x Hunter, Kurapika, wants revenge, and adventure is NOT on this list of things he wants. It just so happens to be what he does when seeking this revenge. You have to ask yourself if his thirst for revenge and adventure are on an equal level and if one is causing the other.
• When you list anxiety as a flaw, does that mean his anxiety dictates his actions for the worst? Do you mean it as the mental illness of having anxiety, or that he's just a bit of a worrywart? Is he an overthinker? Going back to adventure being one of his motivations, how does his anxiety interact with this? Does a constant change of pace and scenery make him even more anxious? How could he want adventure if this was the case? Other than that, being manipulative and blunt also strikes me as odd. The thing about manipulation is that it is ~subtle~. It doesn't happen in your face or else you would know you're being manipulated. But he's a blunt guy, right? Sarcastic, to the point. How does he manage these two flaws together? Can he just switch off his bluntness when need be? Is he good at making a facade? Is he good at controlling his mouth/words/actions? How does his anxious nature play into being blunt; does he regret what he says and worry over it?
• Putting killing under a hobby makes it sound like he enjoys doing it in his free time. Does he?
• So the MBTI is always a bit controversial in the writing community, and to be frank, I'd rather have a paragraph written out about this guy than look up his letter combo, but I do have this to say: You should write and develop a character first. Then, feel free to take the MBTI test for them. Don't go backward on this, because MBTI is born of a pseudoscience that we will never have down pat because humans are complex. It's not a good jumping off point, but its great for understanding the depth of a character you've already made. Don't rely on some test to make a developed character for you, it will not. It cannot.
• Religion and politics are really, really important to who a person is, so at least put something down unless you are 100% positive it will have no influence on him.
• Overall, I think he can stand as a mostly forgettable minor character, but no one wants to read or make a mostly forgettable minor character. He has too many contradictions, and the format of listing things makes it that much harder to critique because I don't know how these flaws play in harmony to his character. I think he needs more work, but that's fine! I hope this critique wasn't too harsh, and I think you can make him amazing, but he needs more if he's going to stand on his own two feet.

This wasn’t too harsh, thank you. I totally forgot about his height when I was typing his weight, and I’ll make sure to change that. Also, I couldn’t think of any mannerisms so I just clicked thing that notebook suggested. I’ll try and fix that, and thanks for the tip about the knife thing.
Oddly enough, he does enjoy killing, but only things that deserve it, such as monsters or demons.
About the bluntness/being manipulative/anxiety, he acts certain ways around different people. If he needs something from them, he’ll get it one way or another. He usually tries charming people with witty words and being sarcastic, but often he gets rough/blunt if his first tactic doesn’t work. His anxiety comes in to play, because when he’s not in the heat of the moment, (hunting, interrogating) he hates that he’s that way and doesn’t want people to see him as being a jerk, but he can’t help it.
Thank you for the tip on the MBTI, and I will definitely fix that up.
About the motivations, even I think what I wrote was kinda stupid. To be fair, I came up with every single thing about him in one day. I’m going to take out the adventure thing and find another motivation that goes along better with revenge.
I know I didn’t have to write such a long reply, but thank you so much for the tips/critiques. They really helped.

So, ill give you a choice as to who you wanna critique. the reason why is because Akihikos profile mentions abuse, and i know that can be an issue for some people.
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/556078#!

otherwise id appreciate it if i could get some input about Kaleb!:

Thanks!!! <3

Hi! If you're not too busy, could you critique my character?

@Hac_KinG It's no issue for me, so I'll review them. You can send Kaleb afterward if you're still interested in a review for them too!
Akihiko

• He'll certainly be an interesting one to critique with this multiple personality thing, but I'll try my best! I have a question; why this name? It's a Japanese name coupled with a character that is based on a Christian concept i.e. devils and horsemen of the apocalypse. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with this, but I am curious how you came to choose it. It kind of feels out of place next to the names of his siblings. Why not go for something biblical?
• Once more, I know next to nothing about multiple personalities, but seeing as that is an actual disorder, I feel like I should bring up that this is kind of a common trope. Not necessarily common in writing, but I mean that when multiple personalities pop up in media and writing they tend to be evil. I can't think of a character with multiple personalities that are portrayed as good, and that could be a very dangerous line you're towing. I think a LOT of research has to be done if you or someone close to you doesn't directly deal with this.
• And speaking of his personalities, its all sort of one-note. Like, if you were to split them all into their own characters (I know they're all him, but hear me out) then they have very little to stand out. His sadistic personality is just, well sadistic, with nothing else. His soft personality is just soft. And neutral isn't a personality, really. It just kind of is. It's a balance of the other two, sure, but because the other two are so straight to the point it feels useless in the lineup. The only thing that makes these personalities special is that they're all on the same person. Individually, there's not much substance. Ultimately, it leaves him as 'the weird sadistic one' that he could have gotten just from one personality. It's like adding a fake amount of depth. If none of these personalities have a depth on their own, they won't together, and that's a problem.
• I have no clue if he's an antagonist or protagonist or side character, but I think he needs work all around. If you really want to go down this road of a deviant person with multiple personalities, there should be more to them. Is there meant to be anything likable about him? A soft personality type doesn't make him more sympathetic, I'm afraid, even if it regrets what his sadistic personality does. An internal war between two halves of one person is a great writing idea that has been executed in many ways. It could be executed here, but I think there just overall has to be more.

@Poof I'm not too busy to keep my word of critiquing characters!
Phoenix

• I like the detail of her hair being dyed by her and her friend. That will be a good piece of show don't tell in your writing, whether you want to use it to show the relationship between the two or perhaps a more reckless side of her personality.
• Mannerisms are typically reserved for physical actions that she repeats. What does she do when acting shy? Anxious? Is she a hair twirler? What does she do when she gets passionate about something? Does she clench her fists? You don't need a lot of mannerisms, about three to five, but right now she has zero, so it would be an improvement.
• These motivations are technically fine, but what about something unique to her circumstance? What in her plot drives her? What keeps her going? As the protagonist, she should be chasing the plot, the plot should not be chasing her. Her motivations should help her push forth the agenda of the story by her own plans and thoughts, so put something down that is personal to the story.
• If loyalty is a flaw, then I imagine she is the kind of person who would blindly follow someone. Other than that, the flaws are pretty basic and seeing as her personality is only listed as introverted, they don't do much to help her. In fact, I have no clue why introverted is listed as her personality type. 40% of the population are introverts, and yet that barely puts anything in common between them all. If these are going to be the flaws, there better be consequences for them or something. It should come into play.
• After reading her profile, I don't feel like I know much about her. She feels vague, not really fleshed out. Is she kind? Where do her morals fall? Listing her as liberal with a prejudice against conservatives could give you a chance to flesh that out, but how liberal is she? Is she extreme or less so? Does she have conflicts about this? Was she always like this? Has her opinion changed over time? Will it? I can't turn this into an extra long critique because I don't feel like there's much to work with, but ultimately it's up to you how you will or won't change her.

Hi, can you give me some input on my girl Vaj? I'm an amatuer writer, but i think i did ok. if you dont want to, thats fine.

Hi, would you mind taking a look at my boy? I remember receiving feedback from you in the past, but i don't know if i showed you this character

Thank you o3o

@Snowmirror

AHHH THANK YOU! and yeah, i really dont know why i chose that name for him, i think i may try to name him something different. thanks for that! And as for the multiple personalities thing, i used to struggle with it (though not to the depth of this character), ive gotten therapy and im doing much better, but i wanted to have one of my (many) characters have this disorder, and i have been wanting to flesh out his personalities more, but i guess i just dont quite know how? like, people with BPD experience it differently, i dont want his to be JUST like mine, (thankfully i only had two with a third nasty one JUST starting, so it wasnt bad like his). But he is meant to be an antagonist. i still dont know if i want him to eventually redeem himself, or if i want him to go even further down his twisted path.
But thank you oh so very much for your critique! it really does help so much! im gonna be thinking of ways to tweak him for quite some time now!
i love your critiques so much! <3

Could you critique Solstreif? Solstreif Jordbrukare

@starshineviligante Oof sorry this took so long, I was busy getting emotional whiplash from a Professor Layton game. Don't worry about being new to writing. So long as you start somewhere and work at it, you'll be on par with people who have been writing for years!
Vajra

• So under mannerisms, when her feelings bubble over, do you have a specific motion that goes in tandem with this? Does she throw her hands up? Move around a lot? When she's trying to stay calm and collected, does she fold her hands in her lap? Is it obvious if she's trying to maintain her cool to outsiders, like a restless expression or action?
• Her motivation is good, but does she have one that is plot specific? What's going to get her from point A to point B besides her selfless morals? Is there something she's chasing? Something she's running away from? What gets her out of bed in the morning?
• With the flaw of self-doubt, does this ever come into play? Is there a moment where she doesn't trust herself and it comes at a great cost? What's the punishment for this flaw? And does she have other flaws? Self-doubt is par for the course, particularly for leader characters, so what else can you bring forth? In the personality, you write that she's shy, and that can be a huge flaw when others are supposed to follow you. What I don't really get from her is WHY she's a good leader. She's nice and tries her best and all that good stuff, but why does that make her a good leader than anyone else in the cast? Being a good leader isn't about kindness, and it's not even about saving those close to you. It's sacrifice, the ultimate decision, and constancy. See, leaders that would rather sacrifice themselves are actually not that good of leaders. It doesn't sound humble in the slightest, but leaders are above the people they lead, so if they treat themselves as cannon fodder so a few people won't cry, they're not being a leader. They're being a sacrificial lamb. The important thing about leaders is that they are invaluable in their ability to keep a group together and moving. If they off and die and don't see themselves as important, then they are ruining the group they lead and leaving them with more problems than it came in with. There's this series called Young Justice, and it's about DC's sidekicks (like Robin and Kid Flash). They have an episode where the leader of their team sacrifices himself for some no-name soldier. Everything turns out fine, but the point is that his team was mad over this. An impromptu leader had to be chosen, and there's a reason that impromptu leader WASN'T the leader in the first place. They aren't ready. If Vajra goes down this path with her self-doubt, she is not ready to be a leader. Leaders do not need to be kind and sweet and pacifistic. They need to be passionate and engaging and ruthless in their goals because if they can't, they will be knocked down.
• This ties back to the fact that she doesn't have a clear-cut motivation for the plot, specifically. A leader should be the one with the most determination of the group. They need to want it just as much as the rest of the cast, and if she doesn't have that, she cannot be a good leader. "Natural born leader" gets tossed around in media a lot, but truthfully that is a rare thing. Being a leader is like being a writer. It is a skill, not a talent. Leaders fail and they fail hard, but it's from that failure that they can collect themselves and their group to push forward. Nonviolence is a noble pursuit on Vajra's part, but that is BEYOND difficult. Avatar the Last Airbender had a pacifistic protagonist who ultimately did not have to sacrifice his ideals to save the world. He was a cultural icon and spiritual leader, but on a personal level, he wasn't quite a leader. In his ragtag band of friends, he was equal, because he could not make ultimate decisions by himself until the end. His struggle was painful because so many asked him to go against his morals and his culture's morals, and that character arc is one of the many reasons why that show is put on a pedestal. If Vajra faces something like that, maybe she can be a leader. Maybe.
• I'm not saying change her. I'm saying someone else should be a leader, because she's not sounding up to snuff. There's a reason why medieval kings stopped fighting wars with their soldiers. The leader is too important to risk and they need to accept that.
• Furthermore, I would hate to call any character a Mary Sue, but Vaj does feel underdeveloped. I get being an amateur writer, there are very few people who can claim to have any skill in writing and even then they lie, but there needs to be more. She's nice and shy and a little insecure and is the most powerful character. That's one sentence to sum her up. There needs to be more. Something that makes her stand out from a long list of sweet protagonists. I love sweet protagonists, personally. They get stepped on for being boring, but that's because we substitute edgy and dark with developed. Some of the best soft protagonists have something special about them, however. Inej from Six of Crows is actually a very sweet a golden-hearted young woman, but she's also an assassin, and extremely faithful to her religion, and conflicted by a horrible past, and conflicted by emotions, and that makes her one of the best characters put out. We know she's a good person, but she kills! She's ruthless when there's an obstacle in her way. She's an underdog. Vajra needs something like that.
• Acutally, why isn't Vajra more conflicted about emotions? Her society preaches efficiency and has no room for feelings. How is she not a product of this? How is she not like the rest? Did her grandma own old books or movies prior to the rise of this government, and she's learned her morals and values from there? Does her grandma think she's a natural born leader? How did her past become her present personality? Why kill her parents? Does that add to her character or is it just for tragedy? In Hunger Games, Katniss' dad was used for tragedy, but also worldbuilding. His death showed us the dangers of District Twelve and how the rich elite did not care one bit about what was happening. His death forced Katniss to be independent and formed her strong, protective bond with her sister. It happened for a reason. So can Vajra's parents' deaths say the same?
• Also, how do her powers play into her personality? This is so, so important with characters who have magic. Does she know she has it? Has she grown up scared of herself? Does it make her feel secure? If it were taken away, how would that affect her? Would she panic? Is her self-image built on the fact that she's the most powerful person in her world? Does she develop an ego? How would she stay humble? Do people make her a leader because she has powers, not because her personality begets it? Just because she is the most powerful doesn't mean she deserves a position on top of anything. And if this is dystopian, I see a revolution in the future. Word of advice? Don't put a sixteen-year-old girl in charge of it just because she can go sparky sparky with storms. She can be crucial to it, but a leader? Like I said, her personality isn't there. She would have to go through a huge character arc to get there.
• All in all, she doesn't sound like the work of an amateur writer, but maybe the work of someone who needs a little more research. I've seen many Vajras before, and more are made by the second. That makes your job harder. I get that! But she can be made into something beautiful and strong in her ways. The world could use a pacifist, and that could be her. But Martin Luther King Jr. didn't become a world renowned peacemaker through self-doubt. It was determination. It was unmoveable will. It was faith in his righteousness. And that's what a peaceful leader needs. I'm sorry for all the references by the way, I've been binging a lot of my favorite shows lately >.> Good luck!

@Snowmirror OMG THANK YOU that was soooo helpful and I super appriciate it!!! Thank you!!!!

Welp here's mine

Hi! If you're not too busy, could you maybe critique my girl? (No rush, please take care of yourself so you don't get burned out!)

Could you look at Jasper please? (But like @GloriousPirateAlpacasaid, don't burn yourself out! Critique him whenever it's convenient for you.)

Hi, I can tell you're popular and are being snowed down by requests haha, but I'm taking the liberty of adding my character Tricky to the pile, if it's alright: Felipe Alberto Moreno
My main concern here: I'm a white girl, and very worried about representing POC correctly. I'm scared Tricky in particular comes off as stereotypical.
Thank you so much in advance! Your critiques are always so thorough and helpful <3

@Kohaku takes deep breath imsosorrythisissolatebutimhappytocritique
Avatar Akitada

• Characters motivated by wanting to protect their loved ones are really good because on a basic level we all feel this, but how does this conflict with his nonviolent nature? Interestingly enough, you've listed his pacifism as a flaw. I imagine somewhere in your work you'll want this to come into direct contradiction. When will he throw his nonviolence away, and for whom? Will he feel guilty? Will he feel surprisingly justified? He's anxious too, so what really spikes his nerves? What makes him freeze up? Does he have the smarts to wiggle himself out of violent situations or no? You put down he has strong morals, but what are these morals besides nonviolence? Nonviolent people can still be cruel, or believe in something awful.
• Furthermore, what other motivation could you give him to tie him to the story? What's a goal he works towards? If his loved ones are constantly in peril, that technically works out fine, but is there anything else? What nips at his heels and gets the ball rolling?
• I don't know much about bipolarity, but I don't see how it plays into his current personality. What parts of him are affected by this? How does he feel about it? What would he be like without it? Is it in reference to the Rin thing? If so, does Rin need their own profile, because they're an extension of Avatar but also like a whole other subset? Also, he's very caring for others, but what about himself? Is he self-sacrificial in this sense? Overall, he seems like a nice guy, but I think bringing his flaws into focus can stop him from feeling two dimensional. He's certainly developed, but it's all in the execution from here!
• Okay, I'm not getting the politics thing. Does he disagree with a certain set of humans' politics or just like… all the governmental systems put in place by humans? Because that's a lot of stuff, and well, something's gotta click. I can't imagine a world, fantasy or modern, where humans all have the same political system. I mean, you say he dislikes it because it puts other races at a disadvantage, but that doesn't describe a political system because they can all do this. What system would he prefer? Does he have alternatives in his mind? Does he think he could do better? Does he plan to do something about this system? You know, fight the power? I am quite curious how he faces things he dislikes and the obstacles in his path, but in a good way! This critique is pretty short because he's a very smooth character, if that makes any sense. You could definitely disregard what I've said and he would still be really fun to see on page. Also, that artwork! Gorgeous!!

@HT Novak-Murano Of course I can!
Solstreif

• Man, 100lbs and 5'4"? I'm glad you put her body type down as thin instead of playing it off as 'lean' like so many people do!
• Overall, I see that her nature page is pretty light, so I'm going to take this bit by bit. Firstly, mannerisms. Friendly isn't a mannerism so much as a personality trait. As a friendly person, is she more touchy? Does she like to give handshakes or tap people on their shoulders? Fidgety is a mannerism, but how much does she fidget? Does she swing her legs or tap her nails on a table with impatience? Play with her hair? Does she try to control her fidgety nature? Does it make her uncomfortable or feel like she's standing out? Does she like standing out?
• Adventure is a pretty one-note motivation, and one that crumbles quickly. Don't get me wrong, wanting adventure and seeking it out is a noble pursuit. But it's weak. Just how far is someone going to go for adventure? When your life is on the line, are you going to push through because of ~adventure~? Or are you going to turn around because the stakes do not meet the outcome? Adventure doesn't push characters through tough spots, it's the added bonus. Take Rapunzel, specifically from the Disney movie Tangled. Of course, the girl wanted adventure, she had been locked in a tower for eighteen years. But adventure isn't the reason why she ran away from an abusive mother, fought her fear of entering a criminal hideout, got herself nearly killed. It was seeing those lanterns and learning the truth and learning that maybe, just maybe, she was ready for the world. Because desperation and loneliness were her true motivations, not adventure. And those are worth fighting to end. Those are worth struggling against. So give lil Sol here something more.
• Severe emotional dependence as a flaw is good, but that's all that's there. There simply must be more, and not because characters need to be three dimensional, but because I need to critique and there is very little for me to go off of. How would this conflict with her sense of adventure? Is she too afraid to adventure alone? Where did this dependency come from? Her family? They don't seem overbearing from the history section… What other flaws can you put on her? How does this impede her?
• Sooo she doesn't like grumps. Why does she need people to be outwardly caring? Why does it bother her when they aren't? Lot's of good people don't act like good people on the outside because they don't care and they don't owe anyone a thing.
• I'm gonna cut this critique short. I don't mean to sound harsh, buuuut I can't work with this. I read through everything, history included, and I have no clue who this girl is. I know nothing about her. I don't get her. She's a skeleton of a character, one who needs fleshing out, but I can't do that. Only you can do that. My job is to help after you have fleshed her out to the best of your ability. I could write paragraphs giving suggestions, but I don't know this character enough for it to matter. I can't work with lists or the offered options Notebook has when you type in one letter. I mean, neutral on politics? That is very, very hard to pull off, and if she's genuinely neutral about it, she better start moving to one end or the other. At least, when she disagrees with something in her government, she can longer call herself neutral on it. Like I said, there needs to be more, and I can't critique her in this state, I'm sorry.

@HT Novak-Murano Of course I can!

• I'm gonna cut this critique short. I don't mean to sound harsh, buuuut I can't work with this. I read through everything, history included, and I have no clue who this girl is. I know nothing about her. I don't get her. She's a skeleton of a character, one who needs fleshing out, but I can't do that. Only you can do that. My job is to help after you have fleshed her out to the best of your ability. I could write paragraphs giving suggestions, but I don't know this character enough for it to matter. I can't work with lists or the offered options Notebook has when you type in one letter. I mean, neutral on politics? That is very, very hard to pull off, and if she's genuinely neutral about it, she better start moving to one end or the other. At least, when she disagrees with something in her government, she can longer call herself neutral on it. Like I said, there needs to be more, and I can't critique her in this state, I'm sorry.

Well, I tried to flesh her out like you said more. How does this look? Solstreif Jordbrukare

Hello! Would you mind critiquing my character?
For background: the 'homunculi' mentioned are trapped in the woods behind the protagonist's house, and the 'line' mentioned is their only means of escape, but only humans can power it. This character becomes a friend of the protagonist over the course of the story, so he's a deutragonist.

Hi, can you critique my character Malconis?

@Snowmirror Hi!
Now, i don’t really know how to respond to the first 2 things you really pointed out, as Avatar makes his debut somewhat late in the story. Initially, he isn’t involved too much, as he is still grieving from the loss of his family, but later, after he discovers the real truth behind what happened in the past, he kinda gets motivated by the fact that all hope isn’t lost and that his main goal is to do everything in his power to prevent from losing the last person left in his family. He is the kind of person looking for the good in everything, believing everyone can be good if they just try.

About the bipolarity thing. In his current situation, Avatar is actually just a half of his original self and because of this, he doesn’t function quite correctly. He doesn’t know he is bipolar, so when he switches to his second personality, he kinda passes out mentally. Avatar can’t remember anything Rin does, yet Rin knows what Avatar does, since Rin is the more aware side of him, knowing he isn’t a full person, just a half of it. Rin acts as Avatar’s offensive mechanism, usually being triggered by Avatar’s frustration at the inability to protect the people he cares for. In a fight Avatar will most likely dodge everything while Rin will go full offensive mode. Because of this, he usually switches personalities when the fight is too much to handle, but things usually get brutal very fast when this happens due to Rin lacking the sense of measure. Once he perceives someone as an enemy, no one can change his mind, which is a big problem if the person in question is someone close to him who had the misfortune of accidentally triggering him. He is 10x more likely to get triggered if his child is involved.
As a whole, Avatar is actually a very strong character, with very good abilities, but because he is split in half he can’t use his powers to their full extent. He also doesn’t take bad news well. When learning of his grandfather’s death and his family’s disappearance, he suffered an insecurity moment, his personalities switching back and forth. One one side he was enraged by the ones who caused everything and on the other side he was devastated by losing those dear to him – or at least this is how i envisioned his bipolarity would work. But you're right, i should probably make another profile for Rin, he's too complex to be just mentioned here and there.

As for the politics, he kinda dislikes everything related to humans. He himself lives by a different set of rules who work perfectly fine (he is part of a higher specie, therefore he has a better understanding of what is right and what is wrong). It’s true, not all humans live by the same political system, but the one imposed by the Empire is the one with the problem. There are other political systems out there with their own problems, but Avatar disagrees with the Empire’s system the most, mainly because he holds a somewhat grudge against humans and because of how many flaws it has (in reality he hates the flaws in the system, not the system itself)
Aweee thank you owo o3o Thanks a lot for the critique!!

@Snowmirror hi again
As i said, i went back and made a new profile for Rin. I also made some modifications to Avatar's profile as well (in the notes)

What do you think?

@HT Novak-Murano I like the adjustments you've added, it makes it feel like she's more of a product of her past rather than simply existing. I like that her prejudice now has an explanation that ties her to her past, though I would still say that a motivation that is plot specific can help her be an active character in her story.

@NobleWolf I'm actually really excited to critique a full on animal character!
Johann

• I'm curious about his mannerisms under politeness. Now, are those actions generally considered polite for all wolves? Like, customary, such as bowing in East Asian cultures? Or is this his own way of showing politeness? I used to write animal characters when I was little, and I always found it helpful to have a page somewhere in a worldbuilding bible dedicated to mannerisms that the entire race has. Like with Erin Hunter's Warriors series, there are things the cats do that are unique to cats, and then the things that are unique to characters. I think this distinction is important but other than that the mannerisms are really good!
• I like the detail you go into with his motivations, but if his motivations change at any point, that should also be listed and noted! I mean, are wanderlust and adventure his top priorities forever? Normally I critique that adventure as a motivation can be pretty weak because no one out there is willing to sacrifice for that motivation, but for him, you already showed how far he would go for that by leaving his pack.
• The flaws also make sense, but maybe adding selfish could work? He left his duty and scared the crap out of his pack by doing so because of everything he wanted/was feeling. He doesn't seem the type to want to sacrifice for others, which is interesting because he's part of a pack dynamic. It's also going to make him hard to sympathize with, as selfish characters tend to be, but it can be pulled off.
• He's the prince and a special blue eyed boy, but is he ever going to be a character that can pull off leadership? One of my earlier critiques goes into more depth about leadership if you want to check that out, because I am firmly wary of 'special character has to lead others'. Because they don't! And that's totally fine! I mentioned Erin Hunter earlier, but that group of authors has another series about dogs called Survivors. One of the great things about it is that, for all the goodness and specialness in their main protagonist, Lucky, he doesn't become leader of the new pack at the end. Instead, it's the character that had been striving for it from the start, and he stands by her side vigilantly, learning from her until he's ready. A gradual build up to Johann becoming leader can be great, but if it's something he is never ready for/desires, than it shouldn't be pushed either.
• He values the political system he was born into, but how does he feel about those who might disagree? Anyone in his pack frustrated with the lineage? Does he make people frustrated, being a prince and then running away from duty because of adventure and all that? Does he carry guilt?
• All in all, I quite like him! So this is a smaller critique, I hope you don't mind.