Just attach the link in a comment. If there's something specific you want to have critiqued, just let me know in your comment.
I can critique characters
Hii, would you mind taking a look at my two children please? ;w;
Alright, Alphonse is really well written, just a couple of things:
Does his passion for helping others go to far? Does he try to help people who don't necessarily want/need help? Does his need for helping people throw him into danger? Also, why does he know about human politics? What's the reasoning there? (At this point, I'm assuming it's because he's human, but I don't know).
Put more into his body description. How is he flat? Is he flat, but toned? Is Alphonse muscular, but it's hard to tell? Put more in there.
Phoenix is really cool! (Love her name too, btw)
Just a couple of things. Again, go into more body description. I don't get a whole lot from there. Why do paper napkins bother her? Is it a trigger? What's the reasoning behind it? Explain the hair antenna better. Are her antennas made of hair? Does her hair simply stick up like antennas? Or does she have antennas that stick out above her hair?
Other than that, I don't have a lot to say. You made some really great characters. Well done.
group
If you could critique mine, that would be great! Be as brutal as need be!
@TheMerpyDerpy
You're characters aren't public! :P Just go change that and repaost the links. Thanks.
@Fyrebird ayy thx for the critique o3o
Alphonse may be passionate about helping others, but unlike Tanis, he is more careful and observes the situation before hand, knowing exactly what to do. He is indeed willing to go to great lengths to help someone although if things go beyond the point of no return and there is absolutely nothing else he can do, he has to stop, otherwise he can endanger himself or others. He usually explores every single alternative until nothing is left, because he likes to think logical. He doesn't usually help without being asked first. As for the politics, he lived in a place with heavy discussions about it and he unwillingly learned a thing or two. Also, he's flat as in the naturally skinny type.
As for paper napkins, Pheonix hates them bcz he once ate one accidentally and almost threw up (they're hell man, they're disgusting XD) She just avoids the napkins while eating sandwiches, that's all. And the antenna, it's just a rebel strand of hair sticking out, looking like an an antenna (it's a joke source for another character who makes fun of it)
@Kohaku
Okay, cool. Don;t be afraid to add lots to the body description though! (You might want to throw in the naturally skinny part into Alphonse's description.)
Nicely done characters though. Hope your book turns out the way you want! Good luck!
group
Oh! I would love to, but you need to make Flyn public first!
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How do I do that? Sorry I'm a bit new
Could you critique my protag, please?
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sorry!
Oh! So sorry everyone! I had a bunch of stuff come up with school! (Extracurricular activities) I'm back now!
@AJ
Mara is pretty interesting. I like her.
For the most part, I think you just need to JUSTIFY some of the things she does. For example, why is she fidgety? Why is she good with motorcycle mechanics? JUst the why of her character needs to be there.
Honestly, I LOVE her background. It's very intriguing. I have one question too: You mentioned, after the events of the first book. Have you written the first book, or do you just have that bit plotted out? (If it's published, please tell me the title. I want to read this.)
Hope I was helpful!
@TheMerpyDerpy
Emil Urien Knight
DETAILS!!! Go into more details! Go into his body type, his reasons for his mannerisms. Why does he have a high pain tolerance?
Go into his background. Noble does not suffice. What happened? Is he still considered noble? Is he a runaway? Go into details.
Gwenyth Eilidh Knight
Again, details. You need details. Describe your characters.
Other wise, I think you've got a great idea going.
Hope I was helpful.
@Fyrebird
Aaah, thank you so much!
I'm intending for this to be a 5-6 book series, and I've plotted most of it out at this point- I haven't published just yet (or begun writing, lol), but I'm so glad that I have someone who's interested!
The reason why Mara is fidgety is explained due to her ADHD, which I mentioned. The motorcycle mechanics is a whole other explanation that would be WAY too long to post here.
Again, thank you so much for your feedback!
@Jake
Make your character public! Then I'll critique them!
sorry about that it's public now
@Jake
Alright, Zeal seems like an interesting character. I quite like his name.
Let's start with the looks category.
Not much to say here, although in the body type section, you might want to go into more detail here, as you won't be able to say "think deku" in your book. (Quick question; do you mean midoriya from BNHA?)
Also, you say a lot that he's generally covered in dirt or something of the like. Why? Why is he always dirty? What's the reason?
Nature category:
Again, this is well explained for the most part. In the mannerisms section, you mentioned that he has some difficulty talking to people, although you do say he gets more comfortable with his companions/friends. But then you say that he's still "an awkward boyo". Did he change or no. If he was awkward at first, but gets better, yet he's still awkward, did he actually change?
You've also mentioned that he doesn't stay in shape, yet he also gets into fights and such a lot, so he is in shape. You seem to drive yourself in circles sometimes.
Anyways, I also wanted to mention Zeal's background. Go into more detail! Write out his whole story. What's happened to him? Where did his story start? Go into some details.
Other than that, you've got a pretty nice character. Hope the story turns out nicely!
Joseph Vega Okay so I thought of this idea literally today and the character is nowhere near finished I was just wondering what you thought.
@Ashley
I like Cody. He seems like an interesting character.
You've got lots of details on him, which is great. You've also written the why behind most of his details, which is super important.
However, I think you could go into his background more. Delve into it more. Don't be afraid to really get into it.
Hope I was at least somewhat helpful.
Hi! Can I drop off my boy Casey? He's been critiqued a lot, I just want to tie up any loose ends I might have missed: Casey Nguyen Thanks so much!
@Jake
Alright, Zeal seems like an interesting character. I quite like his name.
Let's start with the looks category.
Not much to say here, although in the body type section, you might want to go into more detail here, as you won't be able to say "think deku" in your book. (Quick question; do you mean midoriya from BNHA?)
Also, you say a lot that he's generally covered in dirt or something of the like. Why? Why is he always dirty? What's the reason?
Nature category:
Again, this is well explained for the most part. In the mannerisms section, you mentioned that he has some difficulty talking to people, although you do say he gets more comfortable with his companions/friends. But then you say that he's still "an awkward boyo". Did he change or no. If he was awkward at first, but gets better, yet he's still awkward, did he actually change?
You've also mentioned that he doesn't stay in shape, yet he also gets into fights and such a lot, so he is in shape. You seem to drive yourself in circles sometimes.
Anyways, I also wanted to mention Zeal's background. Go into more detail! Write out his whole story. What's happened to him? Where did his story start? Go into some details.
Other than that, you've got a pretty nice character. Hope the story turns out nicely!
Thank you! Yes I did mean midoriya and I've got a D&D session going for the story to see how it'll pan out. I'll work on the little details in the meantime.
@Jake
Cool! My friend and I love My Hero. Also, I love the D&D idea. That's super cool.
@Caboose
Alright, I like this story idea.
Joseph seems pretty cool, and you obviously have a bit of work to do, but here are some major things.
I'll ignore the lack of history and social, due to the recent creation but you ought to get more into his personality more. So he's a natural born carer. Why does he care? What specifically does he care about? What does he do when he's angry? Does he even get angry? What kind of a caring person is he? He might be the kind of person that's always looking out for others, or he could care, but not know how to express it without being controlling. You get what I'm saying?
You should also go into his looks more. How is he muscular? Upper body? Legs? All around? Is he bulky? Still fairly slim?
I mainly just wanted to mention that. Joseph seems pretty cool, just finish him up.
@Kaloobia
I LOVE CASEY.
He is so well thought out, I can tell you've been working on him for a while. I love the use of added categories, as it's quite helpful when critiquing a character, instead of reading through piles of notes.
Anyway, let's get down to business.
In the prejudices section, you've got the bad breath thing, which I love, but is there more to his prejudices? Even just simple things like other pet peeves? Or perhaps he dislikes a person he has to work with?
Other than that, I'd say you've got this guy pretty much set to go. Write this story. I will read it. Like, every day. I love this.