I can look over and give advice on your characters, world, or plot!

If you need a secondary reader/writer critique I'm here!

Alice

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster (first of all sorry if its a little too harsh…)

I really like Asumi and his whole backstory a lot! It very interesting but my only thought is how did he change after his abuse?He came across as a little bit too cheerful for someone who has been abused and almost raped. Maybe he flinch when someone raises their voice a little too high, or when someone raises their hand? Try a bit of research of the psychological impacts of being abused and then tweak his personality a bit more, other than that he is really good!

As for Kage, his backstory is equality interesting but at the same time I get this feeling that its missing something from it. Like why did he become fascinated with soulmates just from watching his sister? I understand that he liked the idea of having someone to love and care for you but at the same time why did he stay obsessed after years? Its technically a small thing but it just feels like it needs a bit more detail to that aspect.

As for their relationship it should be very rocky, Kage technically has a bit of a messed up view on love and Asumi technically wouldn't be the best around more aggressive people. Kage overtime would have to realize that his view of love isn't what his parents showed.

Long story shot just do a bit more research into how someone who was abused might act and how their relationship might evolve and grow from their initial first meeting, being very rocky at first bu as they grow individually they grow and trust each other more.

@Oppys-writing-skills-arent-the-best

I really like Alice and think she is a very dynamic character with all the good point well thought out! My only question is (other then meeting Carter) was there any fosters home that changed/ formed her general demeanor to what she is today? Obviously she most likely had her fair share of bad home but did she meet any good people that helped her get past at least some of her trauma?

Oooh maybe one of these homes also had someone who was half or even full elf too but never mentioned anything to her but gave her little bits of weird advice to help her understand more of herself? I see a lot of potential to what happened when she was being moved around (if you want to play around with this of course I'm just spilling my thoughts).

Overall a very nice character with not much to develop in my mind.

Hey, could you give my boi a look? ^^ Thank-you!

@izzyandviolins

Lily is defiantly a pretty unique character and overall is pretty cool but I only have one small thing about her, she seems little lazy and unmotivated when it came to her life goals, maybe she would peruse something related to the internet or if she ever learned to socialize better or go out into the world she could go towards something with children and making sure that they have a safe environment to live and grow up in. If she never does grow out of it them maybe towards helping people on the internet, maybe help hotlines? Either way she defiantly is unique and I love her!

@Fangirl616

First of all I do like the name Zenith A LOT, very unique. Secondly you could build up a bit more of his personality (not to say its bad it really isn't) by looking more into side effects of abuse since he was created and I can only assume he wasn't treated right and more like an object, he may be cocky but go deeper into that broken side of him to make the audience have sympathy for someone like him. Obviously don't go too dramatic or else he seems whiny but still and interesting character and I'm interested to how he falls in love with someone else…

@SunGod

Your link isn't working so I can't see your character….

Oh, shoot, lemme try to fix that, sorry!

Okay, I think it's better!

@SunGod

Okay so Bosshammer is one of the most bad ass last names I've seen so far. Secondly, for conditions when you said he could hear demons, try looking into schizophrenia because he can feel Nick scratching at him as well as seeing him which I THINK can be traced back to that so try going in that direction if you want to add more details to that aspect. Also what is his relationship with his parents like? Obviously he may have a bit of anger towards his mother for not believing him about Nick but what about his father or just outside the whole Nick thing? And what exactly lead him to propaganda and not going to school, and if its around beliefs then what shaped them?

You should to take a step back and look at certain aspects of his character and history, and ask why/how? When you think about details it can really help shape his opinions and why he does what he does. Especially in his background, but that doesn't mean give him a tragic past but more of building up relationships and what lead him to believe in what he does.

Long story short try looking into schizophrenia and try to have more detail in his backstory and motivations. But also great character and awesome last name!

@izzyandviolins

No problem, iIf you have anymore questions or need and opinion I can look over Lily if you'd like!

Can u check out my boyo? q3q

Thanks sooo much, Emma! This was really helpful, I'll be sure to do all that :D I'm so glad you liked him too ^^ Thanks again! ^^

@Kinarymo

I LOVE the art that is on your gallery right now its really cool! As for Rin, how exactly does he communicate with the world? Is it like some form of telepathy or something more? If not then obviously look into sign languages or if you're up to a challenge create your own! His backstory is pretty detailed and I'm defiantly interested in your story as well. Other than the communication thing, there really isn't anything wrong or important flaws you should fix. Great job!

@SunGod

No problem, if you need more help just ask on this forum!

I certainly will! ^^

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster

I'll do my best with advice but it is tricky since they both don't exactly have the best idea of a healthy (not necessarily romantic) relationships. Like I said before, it would be very rocky especially if Kage looks at Asumi and instantly think that they are soulmates. Then going down that road, Kage might become more into that 'yandere' mindset of being possessive or overly protective of Asumi which isn't exactly healthy but in my head not abusive or bastard boyfriend territory, more just flat out creepy or weird. But for character development then Kage will slowly grow out of it and learn more of what exactly a good relationship is. Depending on how you want Asumi to handle the abuse, he might be very distant, scared or unwilling to start something unless it is built on trust, this is where it can become abusive depending on how that trust is earned. If it is through small secret manipulative moments then it will be abusive but if it is more genuine and 'human' moments then it won't seem as bad.

The best example I have is Veronica and JD from Heathers. JD is basically a sociopath but during the first act we feel for him (if we are talking about the musical it would be in freeze your brain) because of his past and experiences but its how he handles his trauma by also dragging Veronica down with him. This is an unhealthy relationship because of how manipulative JD is but also how Veronica still stays with him until he tries to blow up the school, she stays with him for a bit even after they killed someone rather than doing the right thing and not going near him. Sure JD is a fun and complex character but he still is broken and that effected Veronica in a negative way.

Start slow and don't rush it! Romance isn't easy to write ( I should know I'm struggling a bit too lol) so even just doing a bit of your own research on what you have in mind could help too. Start with editing your characters then go into relationships and romance, know how they should react to each others values and ideas about the world then build from there.

@Kinarymo

I LOVE the art that is on your gallery right now its really cool! As for Rin, how exactly does he communicate with the world? Is it like some form of telepathy or something more? If not then obviously look into sign languages or if you're up to a challenge create your own! His backstory is pretty detailed and I'm defiantly interested in your story as well. Other than the communication thing, there really isn't anything wrong or important flaws you should fix. Great job!

Haaa ty q3q im glad you like my art, that means so much to me 💙💙💙 Communication wise, he does use sign language, or writes things down (later when he learns how)
Thank you so much for taking a look at him o3o

When you do have the time, would you mind checking out this boio as well? Take ur time

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster

Sophie seems pretty good but I can give some advice for romance to the best of my ability!

Maybe she could be a bit a of a daydreamer, like fantasizing about her "soulmate". Think of her perfect guy and then split some traits between however many characters you want, for example if she likes guys who are funny, kind and intelligent you would have three characters with that as their defining trait. This will cause some internal conflict between her to what she wants the most in a partner. I'm not really good with love triangles, look more into dating games and why you like the characters so much, or why you may like more than one character. You do need to make the love interest different and not copy and paste, I would also avoid a 'bastard boyfriend" character or even if you do have one try to not make him seem abusive or too "Edward Cullen" like.

Sorry if I'm not making sense but I still I helped a bit!

1) LOVE your icon, The Arcana is my shit
2) Would you care to look over my character please? Sakchai He's never been critiqued before, sorry if he's a little rocky. Thank you very much in advance! :)

@Kaloobia

I really don't have any critiques for Sakchai and I think he is pretty well-rounded! My only thought was what lead him to become a Youtuber and put his music and passions out there? Was there someone who he had admired or looked up to as a creator and strives to go down that direction? What about his family and how do they support him? Or if they don't then why? I think you need to elaborate to why he does what he does a but more so the reader/viewer gets a good view of his motivations and goals. You don't necessarily need to make up this tragic protagonist backstory or a super detailed one either but rather one that explains why Sakchai chose Youtube over any other job and how it come to be like that along with how it effected others.

Overall he is very well-rounded and dynamic but giving him a backstory would defiantly complete it.

Also Julian is my best boi so thank you and I hope I helped!