I Need Someone to Critique My Essay

Pretty self explanatory; I need someone to critique my essay so I don't feel so useless while editing and so I can actually pass honors english. Help?

Honestly I feel bad trying to get other people's help but… I guess it's practice?
For critiquing things?
Someone help I am useless.

I can try! My mom taught me how to proofread, and I am pretty good at spotting mistakes…

AH omg that'd be great thank you so much! I'll post the link in a minute

Hopefully this works?

Yep! Works just fine!

Could you switch the access to commenting? It'd make it easier so I'm not trying to offer help through this thread.

THANK YOU SO MUCH I REALLY NEEDED THIS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT THANK YOU
Ok I'm calm.

THANK YOU SO MUCH I REALLY NEEDED THIS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT THANK YOU
Ok I'm calm.

No worries! I was thinking I'd do something similar with the essay I need to have written by tomorrow.

Okay so first thing, in your introduction, "prejudiced against" should be just prejudiced. As a reader it doesn't flow, and I'd get the same meaning without that extra word.

Actually that part's not even supposed to be there lmao

Again same thing in your hook. The word against, is unnecessary and interrupts the flow.

Actually that part's not even supposed to be there lmao

Oof, well… I'm just going through what I see..

Ik I just forgot that was there

You have a really long quote in there and It's hard to tell where it ends… also that same quote should have two closing quotations cause the quote has something in quotations at the end.

This stretch of sentence, "communitybecause even though suits have been filed against the Westboro Baptist Church,"
You're missing a space… minor little mistake…

“What he does is he keeps the eyes of the whole earth on this message. Now everyday all people are thinking about is God will not have same-sex marriage,” she said.”

Is there a random extra quotation mark in there? Or is there one missing?

I think you're good after that, though I have to say the color coding is a bit hard on the eyes. Good luck!

Thanks, I really appreciate it!

You're welcome!

I really liked your essay! It's so cool! You got it!

Aw thanks mate

Thank you for sharing!