Please critique the story I've written

If you click on the link and you're disappointed, don't fret, I will write more.

Thanks!

Looking over it now!

What is a Flare, you have piqed my curiosity.

Interesting. Can't wait for more ^-^

Nice! I like how you started the story with an action. I did that too. It's really interesting, I am hooked.

Thanks!

Np!