The Critique Café

• Turn your characters off of private by going into edit mode, then clicking the share button (which is in that little group of buttons next to the save), and changing them to public. Save the character, refresh, then post!
• One at a time in the order received. If you spam with multiple characters in a row, you will be ignored.
• I'll do my best to get everybody, but I am in college so…yeah.
• I pull no punches…but I'm also all about compliments. If you're doing something wrong, I'll let you know, but I'll also highlight what you're doing right.

Here's Aaron Aaron Phillett

Oooh! Can you do my boy Fennec?

Here's Aaron Aaron Phillett

Why are you asking for critiques??????? This guy is incredible. My first impression was "oh, a jock" and then as I read more, I realized just how deep this guy goes. Incredible. That being said, I think it's going to be all too easy to fall into the jock archetype when you're actually writing, so make sure you use all of the fantastic ideas you have here. I have no objections!

Oooh! Can you do my boy Fennec?

-You did such a great job on the boy that all of the following things are suggestions that you could probably live without.
-Immediately, my brain demanded that rose be used as a nickname as well, perhaps a teasing one by close friends.
-Could he potentially be referred to as "the phoenix" because of his survival? It seems like it would fit well.
-Excellent mannerisms.
-Flaw you may want to consider: if he wants to finally get some peace, is he the type of guy that will do anything to get it, even if it's wrong? Not necessary, but I think it would fit.
-Another potential flaw: if he's looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with, is he too trusting? Does he crush on others too easily? Are his romantic feelings for someone too intense or smothering at times?
-Yet another flaw: if he's scatterbrained, does he often forget about the people who are closest to him? (this a flaw of mine, because I am very scatterbrained at times)
-Also, your boy sounds like a near textbook description of ADHD. I'm down to help you out with that if you want.
-Would he really just up and leave a glass sculpture? Glass is so delicate, and could easily be broken while he's away. You could turn that into a symbolism thing tho.
-Because of losing siblings, is he the type who would be unable to keep from trying to help little kids? That could be spicy.

Boom, here’s Monyi for you! :)
He’s a member of a alien species called the Clikor, so here’s their info if you’d like. :)

Here's Sparkles Sparkles ^J^ I'm scared about the integrity of her character.

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone, I will get to your people either tonight or tomorrow :')

Here's my girl! (Kind of a WIP, as in not sure how i want her to be just yet.) Natsuno Atsuda

• Maybe his worst enemies call him Rotten?
• Love the detail about the scar
• The motivation of "someday everything will end anyway" sounds like it could be both a strength and a weakness, so good job on that one.
• This lad is a bundle of contradictions….much like a real person. I love it
• Another weakness I see is that his personality is probably very polarizing and off-putting: people probably either like him or they don't, which may make it hard to make new friends or gain allies.
• Does not seem like the patriotic type but I like that

Great job!

• If he's often referred to as "subject 1," sub would probably be another nickname
• If he's been undergoing experiments for the last 13 years, I'd expect bruises on his arms from IVs, needle marks, or surgical scars
• Since he's been in a lab, I don't think it's necessarily realistic for him to have an athletic body type, unless they allow him to exercise
• Needs a few more mannerisms
• As you said, motivations need expansion. Here is a list to use: https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations
• Just be careful with morally gray because I've read too many books where that just means that the character is terrible and then has a tragic backstory and one redeeming quality. Make sure he's someone we'd really like!
• Background definitely needs more fleshing out
• (this isn't important but rat by penelope scott slaps and is a great song for him)

@sheabutter

• If he's often referred to as "subject 1," sub would probably be another nickname
• If he's been undergoing experiments for the last 13 years, I'd expect bruises on his arms from IVs, needle marks, or surgical scars
• Since he's been in a lab, I don't think it's necessarily realistic for him to have an athletic body type, unless they allow him to exercise
• Needs a few more mannerisms
• As you said, motivations need expansion. Here is a list to use: https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations
• Just be careful with morally gray because I've read too many books where that just means that the character is terrible and then has a tragic backstory and one redeeming quality. Make sure he's someone we'd really like!
• Background definitely needs more fleshing out
• (this isn't important but rat by penelope scott slaps and is a great song for him)

Thank you for this! I'll definitely use your suggestions, this was super helpful!

• My immediate concern is that I don't know how to pronounce this boys name. That might just be because I am an idiot, but that is something you might want to think about.
• Mannerisms need work. What does he do with his hands? How does he stand? Does he fidget?
• So the motivation that you currently have is not actually a motivation. See https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for a list of examples.
• Needs more flaws. Make a T chart on some notebook paper, and on one side, write all of his positive characteristics. Then write the negative consequences of them. Those are his flaws.
• I think you would benefit from writing his background down in short sentences. It doesn't have to be fancy, I usually just do: "And then this happened to [name]. This is how they felt. This is why they act this way."

Keep up the good work!

• An antagonist being named Sparkles is so good
• Needs more mannerisms. Does she fidget? What's her posture like?
• I think she could use one or two more motivations just to make her less of a character and more of a human. See https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for ideas
• Needs more specific flaws. Just keep them short. For example: Jealous of Miri, Petty Entitled, etc.
• Needs a background story written out.

Definitely still a WIP but I'm excited to see what she becomes!

@Altar_Ego

• An antagonist being named Sparkles is so good
• Needs more mannerisms. Does she fidget? What's her posture like?
• I think she could use one or two more motivations just to make her less of a character and more of a human. See https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for ideas
• Needs more specific flaws. Just keep them short. For example: Jealous of Miri, Petty Entitled, etc.
• Needs a background story written out.

Definitely still a WIP but I'm excited to see what she becomes!

Thank you! I definately agree with the name(she actually started out as the protagonist, you can see how that worked out). Thanks for your input on the flaws and motivations as well, that immidietly gave me more ideas!

Here's my girl! (Kind of a WIP, as in not sure how i want her to be just yet.) Natsuno Atsuda

• So here's a really interesting point of conflict that I can see for her: Nat is 17, and probably wants to be a normal teenager, but she's not sure how, so instead, she rejects the modern and leans into old fashioned. Part of her journey could be learning how to reconcile the two, because both are valid!
• Another potential path that you could take her down is maybe she's tired of taking care of everyone. Even moms need a break. Or, maybe she needs to learn that being a caretaker isn't her job and she needs to take time for herself.
• Needs more mannerisms.
• Needs more flaws. Ones I could think of for her would be clingy, smothering at times, tends to react negatively to insecurities, alienates others, can be pushy about religion, doesn't take time for herself, etc.
• I'd also like to add the fear of being alone

Great job!

• Definitely needs more flaws to flesh her out.
• Okay, so I definitely have not seen JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, so let me know if I'm totally off the mark here, but she feels flat and unfinished. I was having a hard time getting a sense of personality from her, so I think that most of the areas in the template need some beefing up

Monyi

• My immediate concern is that I don't know how to pronounce this boys name. That might just be because I am an idiot, but that is something you might want to think about.

It’s pronounced just like it’s spelled; “mon-yee.” :) It’s derived from a species of dragonfly.

• Mannerisms need work. What does he do with his hands? How does he stand? Does he fidget?

… he’s a quadruped, he doesn’t have hands
I didn’t really mention either of these because.. well, I like to imagine he’s pretty normal in these aspects. The part about fidgeting is interesting, though, he probably does fidget! I’ll add that to the list.

• So the motivation that you currently have is not actually a motivation. See https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for a list of examples.

Hmm. I think my list is fine, honestly, since it covers his morals (wanting to do the right thing, but not at the expense of himself) and goal in life (being an inventor). I might go back and clarify some of those things, though, thanks.

• Needs more flaws. Make a T chart on some notebook paper, and on one side, write all of his positive characteristics. Then write the negative consequences of them. Those are his flaws.

He has the same amount of flaws as he does strengths, though, I’m not sure what you’re getting at. I probably should go back and mention his character neutrality and self-preservation as a flaw, though.

• I think you would benefit from writing his background down in short sentences. It doesn't have to be fancy, I usually just do: "And then this happened to [name]. This is how they felt. This is why they act this way."

Good idea! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’m pretty busy with homework in the current climate, haha.

Thanks for the critiques! I don’t wholeheartedly agree with all of them, but I’ll still be sure to take them into consideration. You keep the good work up as well!

Sorry for posting this character on a separate post, but can you do another one of my characters? Or does this count as spamming?: Miyu Suzukaze

Here's one of my vilian's siblings, Lycus

she's awful ikkk Ruth McCann