https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/703600- Heres my guy Tobias Ash
Ooh this charachter is great!!! He is awesome!!
Ok some thoughts:
-So I love the name!!! Its like modern, but still old.
-Your looks department was all good. I also love how you didnt make him the frail old man.
-Your nature/personality section is very detailed, I love it!!! I love how bad ass he sounds! The only thing I could think of adding was another hobby,one one that may even contradict his personality. That gives the character depth, and writing more fun! But you sort of already did that with the sewing.
-It's funny that he is a Catholic monster hunter.
-Cool touch by adding the favorite music! Maybe try adding some more? Like yes, adding the hard core rock, then bringing something different. Like the tear jerking country songs "He Stopped Loving Her Today" and "Jolene" seem like good fits.
-I think you should listen to the sing "Humbl and Kind" by Tim McGraw. It would be cool to develop your charachter with this song. I don't know why, just seems cool!
-btw… yoUR CHARACHTER IS SO DETAILED! HOW?!
-His outfit is amazing! Try describing his relaxed at home outfit, and his training wear!
In conclusion, he is great! I like him very very much! You deserve anoreo for all the detail and backstory!
Let me know what u think of my advice! See ya! ;)
Hewwo o3o
Would you mind taking a look at my boi? :')))
I had a listen to that song and I think it's something he'd have hidden in his playlist on a cassette tape in a safe house on another continent. And when you mentioned Jolene I think I have that for another character or I just listened to it when I was writing him. So I'm glad you basically nailed the vibe I was going for with this character. Btw his casual outfit is almost non-existent. The clothes he wears are what he chooses to wear and at the same time his work clothes. He's almost like Barney Stinson always wearing a suit. Thank you this gives me a breath of fresh air since I haven't finished the first story with the main characters. I'm planning it out like a series and so far I've written up plans for 11 or 12 stories.
If you want you can check out the other guys just for fun (No critique needed)
Haha yea, sorry looking back, I think I mentioned 'Humble and Kind' because it talks about being a good person, and morals. ;)
No need to apologize. I'm saying he definitely would listen to it he would just make sure no one knows he does.
Ok @Kohaku, you have a very impressive and fleshed out charachter! Because of all the writing I have to work, could you tell me the specific areas you would l like me to look at? I mentioned this in my opening, but no worries! Thanks ;)
Uuh, i really dont know where to tell you to look at qwq. I think perhaps his personality and backstory - see if they make any sense. And if you have time to read everything else, just point out the mistakes TwT
Cyrus
Get to it when you can :))))
Don't go easy on me, i know he's not very intricate yet! if it's alright i just want some general criticism
Devin:
(Vixit is the group of people that survived a nuclear war type thing btw)
Yo boi if you could, would you look at Nat for me?
Ok Gracie, here we go!
-I like that last name a lot!
-Right off the bat I noticed that he is 6"4, but weighs 140 lbs! That seems significantly under weight, considering that the average weight for a male that height is 182-222 pounds. Unless there is a reason he is that weight, would you possibly consider changing it?
-For hair style, there is very little detail. Is it longer, shaggy? Curly, straight? Is it messy in the fact that he doesn't comb it? Or is it so unruly that he cant control it?
-For personality, there is not much at all. I do understand he is a secondary charachter, but there really isn't enough to distinguish him. Does he make certain movements? Or talk a certain way? Does he say certain phrases often? Or have a catch phrase? How does he carry himself, with confidence? Or more hidden? I think you should really put more into this area.
-Over all we don't really know much about this charachter. I do understand he is secondary as I said before, but he needs to have interests, and a purpose, something that he does. Here are some ideas: Does he play sports or video games? What does he have for hobbies? What is his taste in music? What kinds of clothes does he wear? What is his job? Is he in secondary school? Does he have family, or pets?
Those are a few things, among others, that would be a good start to add.
-I think you have a good start, and just need to add more. Please know I am not trying to be rude, or bring you down when saying this! Tell me what you think of my advice, and what you will keep and toss! See ya! ;)
@.plant.friend. your charachter is private! You need to change the setting to public. ;)
oops lol should be fixed now
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If I may…
Thanks for the input!! I guess I just missed some things! If you hadn't of told me i never would have known to improve him THANK YOU!!!
Hey @Suspicious_Reptiles, lets take a look!
-I like that for the hair style, you gave length, style, and the way she wears it. Its a good visual, especially since hair is a big part of looks.
-There is enough detail on body shape and identifying marks, that I have a good idea what Natalie looks like. You could add more, but would also be ok as is.
-Manerisms is pretty good, you could include common slang, and phrases though.
-I think the condition you gave her is good, and uncommon compared to what some people would do.
-You did good on talents and hobbies. You actually gave your charachter some extra depth!! Yay for you, you get a hot chocolate oreo. ;)
-The personality type, flaws, and prejudices are filled out good too.
-You did a really good jod at putting depth and an edge to Natalie in the "nature" section.
-Your backstory is good, and I have we have a good look at her life. Nice. Another oreo.
-Good job at putting her clothing stuff. Gives a better insight to what she is l like.
-Additional ideas: Favorite music genres? Is she confident or shy? What's her relationship with her family like?
Overall, good job! I like your charachter! Please know I am not trying to be rude or bring you down at all in this. Tell me what you think of what I said, and new what you will keep and toss! See ya! ;)
Ok @.plant.friend. lts go!
-So, I think you did good on the description of his hair color/style. Try putting it in one category maybe?
-For height it would be nice if you could be more specific, like an actual height. Then, from there for weight, all you have to do is search the average male weight for that height.
-For identifying marks as well, you could include scars, birthmarks, etc…
-Hobbies: I know he is in the apocalypse, but is the anything he does in ANY single slice of free time? Even if it includes singing, or art of some sort.
-The talents section is well filled out.
-The flaws is very good! Yay, an oreo for you! :) I like how he isn't really cut out for the whole "apocalypse" thing. Haha. Or that he has a very different role compared to the rest of the group.
-Motivation, good. Simple, but significant.
-Manerisms could use improvement. Does he do certain movements in certain situations? Does he have a certain way he reacts to some situations? Or say certain phrases often? Does he have a specific way of doing certain things, like even tying his shoes a strange way? When he talks is he loud, quiet, etc? Does he have an accent?
-Why is his journal his favorite possession? What does he keep in it?
-Hey, it would be cool since he is sorta akward, to give him a hard core taste in music. Like AC/DC, or some heavy rap, or Nirvana or something. Then he mentions it to the people in this group, and they're like: double take wHAT?? (Let me know what you think of that!)
-ooh so he sorta has amnesia? Cool! It would be cool to do one of these two ideas: 1. He slowly starts remembering little blips of his past. Even a few second long flash backs. 2. He is in a building that is destroyed, but gives him a "de ja vu" feeling. Then he finds a chest, and feels like he NEEDS, to open it. Only to find it ful of momentous of his childhood. He faints, or passes out from shock, not remembering the incident when he wakes up. (Let me know what you think of those 2 ideas!)
-So I'm not going to give you all these ways you could develop your charachter more since he has memory loss, and dosent exactly know his past.
I love, love, LOVE your charachter! Good job! Please know I am not trying to be rude or bring you down at all in this. Tell me what you think of what I said, and new what you will keep and toss!
See ya! ;)
Mind looking at another boi of mine? qwq
Ty
Ok @.plant.friend. lts go!
-So, I think you did good on the description of his hair color/style. Try putting it in one category maybe?
-For height it would be nice if you could be more specific, like an actual height. Then, from there for weight, all you have to do is search the average male weight for that height.
-For identifying marks as well, you could include scars, birthmarks, etc…
-Hobbies: I know he is in the apocalypse, but is the anything he does in ANY single slice of free time? Even if it includes singing, or art of some sort.
-The talents section is well filled out.
-The flaws is very good! Yay, an oreo for you! :) I like how he isn't really cut out for the whole "apocalypse" thing. Haha. Or that he has a very different role compared to the rest of the group.
-Motivation, good. Simple, but significant.
-Manerisms could use improvement. Does he do certain movements in certain situations? Does he have a certain way he reacts to some situations? Or say certain phrases often? Does he have a specific way of doing certain things, like even tying his shoes a strange way? When he talks is he loud, quiet, etc? Does he have an accent?
-Why is his journal his favorite possession? What does he keep in it?
-Hey, it would be cool since he is sorta akward, to give him a hard core taste in music. Like AC/DC, or some heavy rap, or Nirvana or something. Then he mentions it to the people in this group, and they're like: double take wHAT?? (Let me know what you think of that!)
-ooh so he sorta has amnesia? Cool! It would be cool to do one of these two ideas: 1. He slowly starts remembering little blips of his past. Even a few second long flash backs. 2. He is in a building that is destroyed, but gives him a "de ja vu" feeling. Then he finds a chest, and feels like he NEEDS, to open it. Only to find it ful of momentous of his childhood. He faints, or passes out from shock, not remembering the incident when he wakes up. (Let me know what you think of those 2 ideas!)
-So I'm not going to give you all these ways you could develop your charachter more since he has memory loss, and dosent exactly know his past.
I love, love, LOVE your charachter! Good job! Please know I am not trying to be rude or bring you down at all in this. Tell me what you think of what I said, and new what you will keep and toss!
See ya! ;)
wOW OKAY thanks a lot! I really like all of your suggestions, especially the music one. this'll be very helpful!
What do think could be added to make her more dynamic
please get to these if you can! I'd like for you to look at the Nature field for mikayla and a sort of general critique for Carrie if that's alright.
@miccoc lets do this.
-For the hair, how does she wear it? Bun, pony tail, braid?
-I am just wondering by what you mean "keep the scar" in identifying marks? Because you don't get to keep or get rid of a scar, as a choice. Is there another explanation, or purpose?
-Mannerisms, needs lots more. Try adding: commonly said phrases. accent. common movements. the way they hold them self. the way the act in situations (phrases and movements)
-Any other talents? Considering you mentioned she has medical stuff, any medical talents?
-For hobbies, what kind of books does she read? And what do you mean by climbing? Try adding another hobby even, possibly one that even contradicts her personality, keeps the character fun, and gives them depth.
-You should add some personality, for easier visualization. Is she shy? Loud? Funny? What kind of vibe does she give? Elaborate.
-What is her relationship with her husband like?
-I think overall in nature, you could add more? just a suggestion ;)
-Good background. Simple but significant. Gives a good view of her past, and why she has the jobs she does.
-Now that I look on your notes, there is a lot there! Yay, an oreo for you ;) Consider moving the notes into nature? All of it belongs in there ;)
-What is her clothing like? Describe different outfits for different setting.
-What is her taste in music? Maybe vene ty giving her something that contradicts what she seems to be like, ex: shes a screamo fan.
I like your character. Just needs a bit more work! Good job! Please know I am not trying to be rude or bring you down at all in this. Tell me what you think of what I said, and new what you will keep and toss!
See ya! ;)
Amber
Excellent! Thank you for this first of all Amber.
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She will sometimes have it in a ponytail when she is working but usually just has he hair down.
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So for the scar, time is set in the future. With better medicine and tech, people can(and usually do) have the option to get rid of scars. While many people get rib of them it serves as a reminder for her that while progress is making people live longer and healthier, you can still die and get hurt.
-For the mannerisms: yes that is true(something still a work in progress and I will use that to make it a lot better and clearer)
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main talents is her medical skills for one: she created a tech that goes into your eyes to help you scan a body(for better use in surgery and medical practices). She also made a tech that and give people the ability to regrow their limbs. So we already have the blueprint of how our bodies should look like(which is why most of us come out with both arms and legs and our organs in the right place). It is basically a robotic arm or leg(or what ever piece of the body that is missing{aside from the head of course}) that attaches to the body different synthetic parts that "guide" the brain and body to regrow the missing piece and as the body grows itself, the robotic tech degrades and goes away. So when you are fully healed it is your body part not a synthetic-metal look alike.
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I did not consider that! I will work deeper on that hobby section.
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I'll better on that personality. Thank you for those examples
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Their relationship is like two kids just falling in love and they have the wisdom due to their challenges(losing two children). They act like kids at heart. There's more to it however I will need to word it better in the future so that it is understandable.
Thanks! I wasn't sure where to organize it so I put it all in notes :) Okay I will work on all of these then! Thank you so much! It is fine! This exactly what I need so that I can fill in the blanks Can't catch everything if I am only looking from my own perspective! :)
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@luna, so can you please pick maybe one character for now? Ill do the others later ;) thanks
No problem! Could you do my boy Anthony? Thank you so much! Anthony Ross Rare
Can you please look over this character? Thank you! Jaydin Grout
Possibly do my Character?