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He rubbed his nose. "Just pepperoni, then."
Find Me (Character Chat #4)
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Lydia nodded and followed Alison into the kitchen.
Tess leaned back and sighed. "I feel like I need to tell you my backstory since I know yours. But I for once kinda don't want to also."
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"You don't have to. I mean, it seems like everyone and their brother knows who and what I am, so it doesn't matter."
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A small smile twitched at the corner of her mouth, but it disappeared. "I'm not the kind of person you want to get tangled up with. I've… willingly done horrible things… And didn't care."
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"I nearly choked out who I see as an adoptive mom. I was made to kill who is now my best friends. Trust me, I'm not one to judge."
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"I killed my foster dad, I joined the mafia and killed innocents for money, I burned down multiple hospitals and asylums and houses, I shook down little kids for just a penny, I kicked a dog. I'm a druggie and an alcoholic. I thought about suicide multiple times." She shook her head. "I'm messed up Runner. The world made sure of that."
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He shrugged. "Everyone can get better. I'm a good case of that."
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She refused to look at him. "Some things can't be fixed."
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"I'm too stubborn to believe that. Some people just don't want to be fixed."
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She pointed at scarred slash marks over her wrist. "Can you fix this, Runner?" She was getting frantic and snappy.
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"It's all the mentality you have about it. Those three days that I spent without the Vanguard taught me that, yeah, fucked up things happen, really fucked up things. But wallowing around in anger and feeling bad about yourself does nothing for you. I made less enemies in the first 16 years, 362 days than I did in the last three, simply because I was bitter and mad." He shrugged. "Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but that's how I believe anyone in any situation can be fixed."
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She sat back, body trembling and jaw clenching and unclenching. "I've been trying for the past five years. Look what good it's done me."
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"I didn't do it by myself. I had people who helped."
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She stayed silent, holding back her panic attack as she thought about her past.
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He shook his head, standing up. "I'm just making shit worse at this point. I'm gonna go."
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"No!" She grabbed him, hugging him close and burying her face in his chest. "Please don't go." She whispered against his shirt.
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He stood still for a moment, clenched up like all of his muscles decided to solidify. Then he slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, blushing as he made small, soothing noises.
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"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I don't usually find it difficult to talk about my past. It's different with you. I don't want you to look at me and see a broken girl on the verge of shattering. I want to push you away but I don't want to see you leave. I'm sorry," she repeated.
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"I wouldn't care, either way. And what's so special with me? If anything, you should hate me."
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She huffed a laugh. "I don't know. But I do know that I don't hate you. Was I surprised and a little devastated you were… well… y'know? Yes. But I never hated you."
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"I was just as surprised. But CIn knew. Why didn't she tell me sooner?"
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She tightened her grip. "If she had told you, what would you have done? When I first met my mother, I was ready to level the entire building just by being in her presence."
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He frowned. "I would have been in a safer place, without him trying to sneak into my mind."
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"He would've found you anyway. He always does." She fell silent, starting to pull back.
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He sighed, letting her do so. "I guess."
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"Can we… talk about something different? Happier?"
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"Well, what do you have in mind?"
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"Food." she declared, then sat back down. Right on queue, Lydia and Alison breezed in with platters of sweets piled high and a pepperoni pizza.
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He sat down too, rubbing his hands together. "Oh, yeah."
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Alison set down the many sweets on their table. Tess's mouth was watering at the sight and was ready to gorge herself. Lydia set the pizza on a tray next to their table and cut it into slices, putting two on a plate and setting it down in front of Runner. "Enjoy!" they said in unison, smiling, and retreated back to the kitchen. Tess dug in without hesitation, attacking the cinnamon roll first.