@HumanTailSans
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free character critiques (closed temporarily)
@Garbage
Loved the detail you put into this character. I only have one problem:
Looking at her weight and height, she is very overweight. The typical weight for her height is 72-88 lbs, but she is 113 lbs. Considering that she is small and weak, I would make her 78 lbs. at most. Other than that, I don't really have much to say on her looks.
@Bremston , My apologies, it should be public now.
Hi! Could you look over this OC for me?
Hi! I'm finally back from my hiatus to critique your character. I'm not really the best at critiquing fanfiction characters since I'm not a fanfiction writer myself, but I'll try my best.
Looks
For the weight section: google is free! Look up average weights for teens, average weights for girls who are 5'5, etc. Also, what's her natural hair color? How long is her hair? China blue is kind of an unusual eye color, but that's just me being nit-picky. For the most part, her appearance seems fine.
Nature
Her mannerisms…aren't really mannerisms. Mannerisms are small actions repeated habitually and somewhat subconsciously. So biting lips, biting fingernails, twirling hair –all mannerisms. Adding in mannerisms is a quick way to humanize a character, so be sure to brainstorm a few mannerisms and try to include them. For her motivation, what is it about her friend Piper that motivates her? Does she want to keep her save? Help her? Why is it part of her motivation? Why does she want to help the world? I really like her flaws! They're quite realistic and consistent. Here's the definition of prejudice: a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. So your character's prejudice should be a preconceived notion they possess about other people/things. Not how people view her. Does she have any talents irrelevant to the story? Sometimes it helps to flesh out a character if you add a few seemingly trivial details. Her hobbies are pretty good, but you could add a bit more in the personality type. Try to illustrate how she acts on a day-to-day basis. How does she act around family vs friends vs strangers? What's her sense of humor like? How much does it take to make her angry? To make her cry?
Social
When you say she has no opinion on politics, what do you mean exactly? Why doesn't she care about current events? Does she have any opinion on the government/her country at all? Is she an advocate for equality? Otherwise, very good job on this section!
History
Her background is painfully bare. No offense, but it seems mighty convenient that her parents died and she was taken in by the main characters of the Flash. Why did they adopt her? How did she react at first? What was her reaction to her parents deaths? How old was she when it happened? How was she raised? What was her childhood like?
Overall, pretty solid character! Again, I'm no fanfiction writer, so I don't know what the norm is (like, is it weird to have your OC 'related' to the main characters??), but I think Blu has potential. Good luck :D
Heya! Could you please take a look at my characters? I'm not so sure if they're good enough, so they might need some criticizing. Thanks a lot ;w;
Finally getting around to your second character, Tanthaliel! This critique will likely be rather small as you've done a great job adding in details and fleshing out his character. On to the critique!
Nature
His mannerisms and motivations are very good! However, his flaws and prejudices kind of show a larger problem with your character. He's a bit too perfect. It'll be hard for readers to connect with someone that kind and considerate, whose biggest flaw is his "not being able to make plans." Readers want to see a character struggle both externally and internally. If he has no negative traits or beliefs whatsoever, his internal conflict will be nonexistent and he'll become a boring character. For his flaws, add a few genuinely negative traits, or explain how the flaws he has are actual conflicts that he actively needs to work on overcoming. For his prejudice, include a preconceived belief that is most definitely not true or irrational. Maybe he hates an entire race of people. Maybe he's subconsciously sexist or ableist because he doesn't think his sister can do anything on her own. Just…don't be afraid to make your character human! Other than that, very well done on this section, especially his personality type.
…yeah, that's really all I've got. Great job developing Tanis. I really see a hell of a lot of potential in his character. Well done!
Hey, could you look at my character? Gabrielle Strasser
By the way, the story I'm writing has several narrators that end up in the story itself. It's a bit complicated, but Gabrielle is one of the narrators.
Hi there! I am back from my hiatus and ready to review your character! Here we go:
Looks
5'8 is quite tall for a 13-year-old. If that was on purpose, ignore that. However, she is incredibly underweight for her height. At 5'7, I weigh…ahem…quite a bit more than that, and I'm only kinda chubby. But my sister, who is an inch taller than me, is very skinny and she's in the 120-130lbs range. 126-154lbs are the average weights for someone of that height. Just something to think about.
Nature
Only one mannerisms? One, almost universal mannerism? Come on! Somewhere in this thread I listed quite a few unique mannerisms, so feel free to borrow a few if you'd like. What does Gabrielle do when she's mad? How does she smile? What does her face/body/hands do when she's embarrassed or nervous? When she laughs? Her motivation doesn't seem very personal, but since I'm not familiar with the story, I'm not sure. Why does she want to destroy the necklaces? How is it personal for her? What does she want more than anything? Her flaws are pretty good. Talents and hobbies are a bit basic, but not bad. Her personality type is… three words? That seems odd. What is she like? What is her personality? How does she act around strangers vs friends vs family? Is she outgoing, friendly? Shy, awkward? Funny?
Social
Err…where is the social section? I recommend filling it out. It's hard to critique a character with so little information…
History
No background either, huh?
Overall…well, it seems like you don't know your character very well. Sit down and get to know her! Think about her background and how it reflects in her current attitude and personality. Consider all facets of her personality and write it down. No detail is too small. It really helps when you're writing to genuinely know your character. Good luck.
Can you critique this character for me? Invalid Character thanks!
Hello! Thanks for being patient. Here is your critique:
Nature
Ooh, great mannerisms. Her motivation seems quite consistent with her character, but I feel you could add more. What does she want more than anything? What is it about friendship that motivates her? Does she crave deeper connection because she no longer has that connection with her sister, or more social interaction? Is she lonely, or just friendly? Her flaws are very good. I feel that she could use a few talents unconnected with the story. Is she good at anything else? For example, making friends or connecting with others? Her hobbies are pretty good and so is her personality type.
Social
For her religion, you say she doubts that there is a god. Does that mean she wonders whether or not there is one, or is she pretty convinced there isn't one? Her beliefs might align more closely with Agnostic than Atheist, but I'm not sure. Just something to consider. Is there a story behind why a handaxe is her favorite weapon? Or is it her favorite just because it's cool?
History
I love her background! But what do you mean she was self taught? Did she not go to school? Super-smartness can only go so far, or else it starts to feel horribly unrealistic. What type of intelligence does she have? Does she excel in certain subjects more than others?
Overall, quite a solid character. Good job.
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime thanks for the reply and for pointing out the problems. For some reason, my mind took a nap while i was trying to come up with more information, but i'll make sure to complete it eventually. I'm glad you consider Tanis a good character, as i was heavily unsure if he was good enough to be a realistic character, let alone a protagonist (character developing issues). Thanks a lot, it really helped!
Also, would you mind if i asked for another critique? I had finished this character some time ago and i was really curious to know if he is good enough
Here he is - Tierlan
Again, thank you so much
Would you mind taking a look at this character of mine? I'd love to hear your critiques on him! Invalid Character
Hello! First of all, is the art yours?? It's incredible! I love his character design so much. Okay, anyway, on to the critique!
Looks
As I said, his design is super cute. I am curious about one thing, though. What are his horns for? Do they have a purpose beyond the aesthetic? It seems rather pointless to include a detail like that without more explanation.
Nature
Good job on his mannerisms! It wouldn't hurt to add a few more, though. For example, what does his body/face/hands do when he laughs? When he cries? When he's bored/absent minded? I like his motivations, but since he is the main character, I actually think you need to simplify it down a little. Or, well, simplify isn't the right word for it. Give him a clear direction. All of his motivations should lead towards one common goal. What does he want more than anything? And why does he want it? The motivation serves as the hero's call to action –the reason why he fights/exists/is the main character. Okay, on to his flaws. I really like them, but I feel you could expound on them a bit more. For example, you say that he lies to people to make them feel better, instead of giving them the truth. Take that a step further. Is he a pushover? Does he agree with everyone/everything for the sake of simplicity? Is he compromising? Orrr, is he manipulative to the point that he lies for his own personal gain? Etc. His talents and hobbies are alright. His personality type could be a little more in-depth. How does he act around strangers vs friends vs family? Is he shy? What does it take to make him angry? To make him cry? What's his sense of humor like?
Social
No religion or politics? I strongly recommend including those two categories. They provide valuable insight into your character's mindset, even if they're atheist and avoid politics like the plague. Just writing down their views on important/universal problems like religion or politics is quite helpful in understanding their mind. Also, no favorite possession? Any particular reason why he doesn't have one?
Notes Which Serve the Same Purpose as The History Section
Nice backstory! A lot of details, which is good. Yeah, no complaints here. Thanks for the interesting read.
Overall, definitely a strong base for a character. Caprah has a lot of potential. Good luck!
Could you critique my guy?
Let me know if you have questions
First let me say how happy I am to be critiquing an antagonist! Especially such a well thought out and well balanced one –Timour reminds me a lot of one of the antagonists in a story I'm currently writing. Hopefully I'll be able to give you an unbiased critique…here we go:
Nature
Alright, as much as I adoRE the little bits of backstory you entwined in the mannerism section, you've actually only listed one mannerism. I don't critique many animal characters, so I'm not really familiar with what type of mannerisms a wolf would do…that being said, I assume body language will be a big thing. So, what does his tail do with different emotions? Does his fur bristle/stand on end? What does he do when he's nervous? Does he try to hide it? How? His motivations are great! Very believable, especially for an antagonist. His flaws are good, but kind of one-track. Arrogance and pride are very similar and thusly hardly separable. Add a few more flaws. Is he narrow-minded? Selfish? Cold? His prejudice is good. His hobbies and talents are purely plot related. I suggest adding in a few more that aren't necessarily important to the narrative. Just to help humanize him and make him relatable. What does he do in his spare time? What does he do for fun? Does he have something that he's surprisingly good at? His personality type is good!
Social
No religion? Is religion not a thing among the wolves in your story? If it is, be sure to include it for Timour. Religion is a great way to understand a character at a deeper level. As for his politics, I'm thinking he might be a bit more fascist than conservative? Since he wants to get rid of those with "weaker" blood… that seems drastic for conservative viewpoints. Fascism might not be 100% the word for it, but I don't think conservative fits.
History
Slow clapping Great job.
Overall, what a solid character! Timour seems well-developed and well thought out, especially for an antagonist. Just don't fall into too many cliches, and I think you're good. Good job and good luck :D
Could you possibly critique my poor baby Alvina?
Here is her link: Alvina Grey
I only created her a little while ago, so I haven't let anyone look at her yet.
Hello, I am finally here to critique your character! Since she's so young, it'll be an interesting challenge to critique her…yay. Here we go:
Looks
Her appearance is fine, except for one little nit-pick. Under identifying marks, you have "Hair, eyes", which doesn't really make sense. An identifying mark should set her apart from others. Most people have hair and eyes. Is there anything about her appearance that, if she was in a line up of a bunch of brunette six-year-olds, could set her apart from them?
Nature
Mannerisms are okay, but kinda basic. Most little girls do the things you've described. Does she have any mannerisms unique to her? Her motivation is super vague. I mean, most kids don't have some grand motivation, but still consider expounding some. What is it about toys that motivates her? Does she want more? Does she want a specific toy? She could definitely use some more flaws. Most kids are gullible, because they're…well…kids. What are some flaws that are specific to her personality? Her talent is imagination, which makes 0 sense to me. Is she good at telling stories? Drawing? Lying? Imagination can be used for quite a lot of things. And only one hobby? As a kid, I had more hobbies than I do now. And her personality type is a bit funny. First of all, using a Myers-Briggs for a kid is iffy because kids typically don't fit in those types of personalities. Try expounding more and explaining which traits she identifies with.
Social
Story time. When Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were our two lovely presidential candidates (sarcasm), my cousin was six years old at the time. She had an opinion on the election. She genuinely had thought about the politics behind the two candidates and had an opinion. Was it incredibly misinformed and confusing? Yeah, of course! But what's important is that she had an opinion. Too often when we write children, we assume they don't pay attention to "boring" things like religion or politics. However, most kids ages 4+ have some sort of view on those types of issues. So, for your character: does she like the current government? Does she have any random political opinions? What religion did her parents raise her to believe?
History
Ooh. That is a spooky history. Good job on that –I'm imagining what the buzzfeed unsolved would look like for a case like hers. Anyway, great job.
Overall, she seems like a pretty good character. Just take a little more time on her, and don't dismiss certain facets of her personality because she's young. Good luck.
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
Thanks so much for the critique! I admit, I had no real idea what being conservative meant when I wrote about Timour. Gotta brush up on that. I do plan on writing a religion for my story though, even if it is pretty vague right now. Mannerisms also made me draw a blank. I like writing about animals, but it can be hard to figure out the animal equivalent of human mannerisms. Wolves can't exactly twiddle their thumbs or pull their hair, so I'm going to look into wolf behavior in the future, like ears and tail movement. And I'm glad you like the backstory, I'm rather proud of it!
Hi! could you please review this character?
Do your worst!
As the title says, the thread is temporarily closed, sorry. After I catch up on everyone else's characters, I'll try to do yours. Thanks for your patience :D
I feel like this is really bad because I do almost all my writing when exhausted but oh well she needs critique. A lot of this doesn't make sense without context so I gave a little context in the Notes section. Background is still very wip.
Hi! Finally getting around to critiquing Berlin:
Looks
I hope you are aware that she is quite short and small for her age. The average height of a 15-year-old girl is around 5'3, because most girls don't grow anymore past the age of 14. However, this is not to say that it's impossible for Berlin to be this height. If you chose to make her unusually small and short, that's entirely up to you.
Nature
I really love her mannerisms. I like that you've incorporated hints of her personality into those mannerisms, like how she spins around her lip ring. However, her motivation is fairly weak. When you say that she is a side protagonist, do you mean a supporting character to the protagonist, or does she have her own subplot entirely devoted to her development, or do she and the other protagonist(s) share the spotlight? If she is either of the latter two, she definitely needs a stronger motivation, or at least a more tangible reason as to why she is motivated by those things. For example, you say she is motivated by self-preservation. Interesting choice, considering most people don't want to die. Another example, when you say she is motivated by her friends, how so? If she only cares about self-preservation, what is it about her friends that would motivate her to do anything not in her best interest? And lastly, her motivation for worldly possessions. Do you mean wealth, status, etc? Why does she want these things? How does it drive the story forward? I very much enjoy her flaws, prejudices, talents, and hobbies. They're well thought-out and consistent. But her personality type is not very…in depth. Myers-Briggs indicators can be an extremely helpful resource for building a character –but it should be just that. A resource. Go deeper. Write down which ENTP traits she relates to, and which she doesn't. I'm actually a fluctuating ENTP (seriously, sometimes I'm an ESFP. Go figure.), and I am absolutely nothing like her. That doesn't mean we aren't both ENTPs, it just means she relates to different aspects of the ENTP traits than I do. Writing those traits down and illustrating how she acts –her sense of humor, whether or not she's a true extrovert, how she reacts to people, etc.– will be of great help to you.
Social, History, and Every Other Section
Yeah, I'm basically out of complaints. Your character is very detailed and well developed. You've done the footwork for this character and it definitely shows. However, having your 15-year-old character be a drug addict and an alcoholic is an interesting choice. Tricky to pull off, in my opinion. That's more of a personal opinion than an actual, objective complaint, though. You've given enough details in her backstory to explain her addictions.
Here's my last tip –and I say tip because you've given no indication that you actually need this tip, I'm just trying to be helpful because I haven't found much to critique: When writing a character like Berlin, consider a few things. 1. The effects of drugs and alcohol, especially from such a young age, isn't edgy or pretty. It's tragic and should be treated as such. Again, I'm not saying you haven't considered this, I'm just saying it as a general rule. 2. If she's been abused, and the trauma hasn't been properly discussed, then that should be the cause of major internal conflict. Trauma doesn't go away. Trauma manifests in unlikely and often incredibly inconvenient ways. The plot should be effected by her traumas and her addictions in a negative way. I recommend watching at least a few episodes of Marvel's Jessica Jones for context. Jessica is a similar character to Berlin, and the show treats her PTSD and addictions with realism. If you're aiming for realism in this, look no further than that show.
Anyway, overall, well done! Your character is strong and interesting, and definitely someone I would read about. Good luck!
Hi, could you do a critique of this character? She needs work but I got stuck and could use your advice.
Hello! I apologize for the brief wait, but I am here now. Here's the critique for Megara:
Looks
The violet eyes have got to go. Alright, I'm joking, but only slightly. Violet eyes are kind of a universal Mary Sue trait, which is why it gave me immediate pause. Basically, unless violet eyes are rather commonplace in her universe, she shouldn't have them. Otherwise, her appearance is good!
Nature
Loving her mannerisms, although she could have a few more. What does her face/body/hands do when she's angry? Embarrassed? Shy? Laughing? Crying? Her motivation threw me a bit. Most royals have a royal duty, and of course it motivates them, but for a main character, she needs something a bit more personal. What is it about her duty that is personal for her? Why is she inspired to fulfill that duty? Is her royal duty the thing that drives her to action, the thing that moves the plot forward? A motivation is one of the most important things, if not the number one most important thing, to consider when creating any character. For a protagonist, the motivation needs to have enough in it to fuel the plot. Anyway, moving on. Only one flaw? Jealously is a great flaw, but she could use at least a handful more. Without more flaws, you run the risk of her being too perfect. However, you've greatly reduced that risk with her prejudice –if you make sure to include that her prejudice is wrong. If she distrusts orcs, then make sure not all orcs are evil, and that her prejudice is misplaced. Both talents and hobbies seem fine. Her personality type is good, but don't rely too heavily on cliches. The whole "You can't do that, you're a Princess" trope is really prevalent in a lot of fantasy type novels. That being said, there is nothing wrong with using cliches if those cliches have a purpose, or if you put your own original twist on the cliche.
Social
Only one small nitpick here. Is there no religion in her universe? Why doesn't she practice any sort of religion?
History
Her background is okay but a bit typical. I think you might want to add more details that illustrate the uniqueness of her character. What about her backstory sets her apart from other characters similar to her? What details and moments shaped who she is today? What were her early relationships like? Why did she want to use a sword? Does she look up to her older brother?
Overall, she's a solid base for a character. She could just use more fleshing out and detailing to make her exceptional. Good luck :)
Thank you so much! Really helped a lot :)
Thank you for the critique. I edited her a bit and I feel like she is much better now!
Are these still closed?