(Okay!)
Ae' Zahena(Her species is public of you want to look at that.)
free character critiques (closed temporarily)
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Hello!Can you take a look over some of my characters,please?I have this character,Oswald,that may need some critiques.And I just finished writing about those two characters (Timmy and Jack).Their stories are related.
hey I know you're kind of busy but if you have the time could you look at Jean for me please?
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/476154#!
This is my bean Lucas.
Thank you!
This is my character Piper Allen. She's from a fanfiction about The Flash. Piper Allen
Okay, so my free time's gonna be kinda limited this weekend. Hopefully I'll get to all of your characters today, if not…there may be a small wait. I'm about to start critiquing like crazy!
@That_One_Purple_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi Okay, starting with Ae'Zahena (I'll be skipping the looks section because it's quite good):
Nature
I love her mannerisms! I love that you've included her tail as a way to show body language/emotions. However, does she have any mannerisms outside of her tail? What does she do when she laughs? Cries? Gets heated? Does her face do anything? How about her hands? Her motivation is pretty good, but not very personal. What is it about helping people that drives her? Why does she want to help? Is it how she was raised? Does she want to be like her mother? This motivation is fine and quite functional, but if you want, you could make it more personal for a more relatable motivation. Her flaws are…mostly not flaws. I like it when writers twist typically positive traits and make them weaknesses, which you've done, but I have two pieces of advice: One, illustrate how those typically positive traits are actually a disadvantage, and two, give her some genuinely negative traits that are bad no matter how you spin it. An example for the first would be that her optimism can make her delusional and unhelpful at times. As for the second example, brainstorm what type of negative traits your character might have. Maybe she's too quick to judge someone. Maybe she doesn't like to get her hands dirty. Maybe she's got a low emotional intelligence. Anything that is always negative. Her prejudice suffers from this same exact problem. It's too…rational. A prejudice is a preconceived notion entirely not based on facts. Most people dislike others who act a certain negative way. That's a learned behavior, not a preconceived notion. A prejudice shouldn't make sense, and it should most definitely be negative. Don't be afraid to give your character less positive traits! Humanize her with believable and relatable weaknesses. Other than that, the only other critique I have on this section is her personality type. It's a Myers-Briggs with a few other traits listed to the side. It might be more helpful to you to explain how she is an ISFJ-A. What facets of her personalty makes her fit into that category? How does she act around others? When she's alone? Etc.
Social
Where are the politics? Giving your character political views is an easy insight into her mind. What does she think about the government where she's from? Does she agree with it? Disagree? How does she feel about equality? Is that even an issue in her society? It's helpful, trust me.
History
For education, maybe expound a bit on what she's learned/what she knows. What does it take to be a doctor in her society? How knowledgeable is she in the field? What subjects did she have to learn? Her backstory is nice and to the point. I am a bit curious about her upbringing –how was her relationship with her mother?– but other than that, it seems fine.
Overall, Ae'Zahena seems like a strong protagonist. I like that she's not a warrior but instead a doctor/healer! Interesting and refreshing choice for a protagonist. All she needs is a little fleshing out, and she's good to go! I'll critique more of your characters after I do a few others.
Okay! Thanks! (I'm still kind of figuring how to word her political views)
@BlackMagic I'll do Oswald first. What a cutie! I really like his character design, and the art along with it! Very nice. Now, onto the critique (skipping the looks section, which I've been doing a lot lately):
Nature
I love his mannerisms! You've done a good job developing them/matching them with his personality. His motivations are pretty good too, although I'd recommend placing more emphasis on his personal motivations. Those are what will drive the story and make him more relatable to your audience. Finding his father as an ultimate goal is almost a universal feeling, and a very good motivation. Make sure you place some emphasis on that. The flaws section is where things start to get shaky. Be very, very careful when you have a character who'll bend over backwards to make others happy. That's a great flaw, and makes for an interesting character arc, but you have to consider it from the perspective of the reader. Do others constantly ignore this character? Is his happy facade ever noticed by anyone? Do people take him for granted? In small doses, those things aren't a problem –however, they could very easily lead to "Nobody likes me" syndrome. Eventually, your reader may get aggravated with your characters semi-unrealistic problems. If there's no reason for people to treat your character poorly, then it just starts to feel forced. I'm not saying that you've done this, or that you'll definitely do this. It's just a word of warning from someone who's created a character relatively similar to yours. "Because he is
considered one of the most trusting members of the team,Gabe (the leader of the team) gives him extra work that he can't do by himself.However,this extra work and all his usual tasks is exhausting Oswald but he doesn't want people to worry about him.So he keeps it all for himself." This, right here, is not a flaw and in fact kind of a sign that it's getting a bit unrealistic. Someone would notice that he's doing more work than he should. If your character is consistently and constantly being downtrodden for the sake of pathos, then it will get annoying. The prejudice has the same problem. A prejudice is a negative, preconceived notion that your character has. Racism, sexism, hating people who are left handed, thinking all rich people are snobby –prejudices. Wanting to make people happy –not a prejudice. It's also a bit…interesting to not have a reason why he wants to make people happy all the time. I think you could use the fact that his father isn't around. Maybe he feels that his father left him because he couldn't make him happy the way his "real" son could. Anyway, I've been grilling you on that for too long now… so, I'll just finish this section saying I like the hobbies, talents, and personality type! Good job on that.
Social
For religion and politics, you've listed…none. If you mean that he's an atheist, you'll want to add that in instead of none for religion. However, for politics, reconsider. Does he like the current government? Or not? Does he advocate for equality? Does he care at all about the world around him? Political views offer valuable insight into a character's mind. Don't skimp out on it! Everything else in this section seems fine.
History
Wow! What an interesting backstory. No critiques here. I like the idea of a semi-mad scientist, grief driven and desperate, creating what could be a freak of nature. Gives me all sorts of Frankenstein vibes. Then the twist that he succeeds and the kid is actually pure and precious? Just cool. Good job.
Overall, I think his personality is very good and his character design is awesome! However, his flaws needs the most work. Be careful with the "Nobody likes me" downtrodden trope. Good luck.
@Joneathan Sure! Can I just start by saying that YAY HE'S A TAP DANCER! Sorry, I'm just such a huge fan of tap dancing that I got excited. I automatically like this character. Anyway, business time:
Overview
I have to know the stories behind these nicknames. Is there a reason he's called June? Or worthless? Lover boy's pretty self-explanatory, but the others could use some details. Who calls him that, and why? Does he like being called by nicknames?
Nature
Mannerisms are cool, but he could use a few more. What does he do when he's mad? Sad? Crying? Laughing? Why doesn't he smile with his teeth? If he's self-conscious about his smile, does he cover his mouth when he laughs? His motivations are extremely weak for a protagonist. Why does he chase love/crushes so much? Is he desperate for validation? Does he crave human contact? What does he truly want out of all these relationships? He could use a few more flaws as well. Is he overconfident? Egotistical? Does he have any vices? You mentioned drinking. Does he have an alcohol or drug problem? I love his prejudice, talents, and hobbies. His personality type is incredibly bare bones. You've got to add more! What do you mean sweet and kind? Is he selfless? Caring? Does he have many friends? Is he quick to open up to people? Does he like social settings? Introvert or extrovert? By childish, do you mean immature? Pouty? Whiny?
Social
His political views are a bit confusing when you consider his prejudice. If he's not a fan of people in power, then he probably has some strong political views. I don't think he'd be neutral. How does he feel about the government? About current issues? What's he in favor of? What's he against? Again, his occupation makes me smile. Tap dancing for the win!
History
Nice job developing his backstory! Lots of detail and fairly in depth. However, it does seem to be a bit unrealistic. People aren't typically accidentally valedictorian. I could believe that he made pretty good grades without trying, but to be a valedictorian, you've really got to try. Since he's childish, maybe he's just petty and wants to be the best, and that's why he strove to be top of the class? It'd characterize him a little better in my mind. His backstory after high school was very…exciting! Interesting. Anyways, good job.
Overall, he's a cool dude. Could use some more developing, but really seems like a good protagonist. Good luck.
group
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
Thanks a lot!I actually added more to this character after the first critique but I think I got too far ;
Oswald will be one of the main characters so he'll be like…"always there".So he will be easy to notice.At first (when Lucy met The Forest Team members up to a point in the story) Oswald will act like a normal,positive character.But until that point and during the action,his desperate will be more and more obvious (based more on his look.messy hair, dark circles under his eyes,his voice changes a bit and sounds more tired etc.).But I want to make it a bit interesting and keep him in the dark a little (in that period) and make up other scenarios with different characters to keep the readers minds away from him until he finally snaps.That will be the moment when he will caught everyone's attention.Also,the "Nobody likes me" syndrome won't exist in Oswald's case.He will be more of "I can't make them happy anymore".
I didn't knew how to make it sound more interesting that he is hiding his problems from everybody.Even from his boss.So I put that "trusting member" thing there.But anyway.I will keep that in mind!
That means that I didn't understand the prejudice part too well.Thanks for warning me though!I usually put something negative there.Either if it's about a place,a race or the character himself.Oswald's prejudice will be more about himself.That keeping everybody happy is like a law or something.It's almost like he is aware that he is the positive character in the series so he needs to keep it that way.Like people never think about characters in general.They just assume that a character is good,bad,have a happy or a sad life by that character's personality.And Oswald tries to keep it like that.
That is actually a really good reason!I wish I could use it but it won't go well with the story (Oswald was aware that he was being hunt by the scientists so his father helped him escape).But the only reason that he thinks he have to make everybody happy is because he was the reason why his father was happy.He thought that his father made him to be happy again.
I think that you got it wrong.It's more my fault.I listed "none" because it would look too blank.Oswald is a animalion.This race (better said "species") was made by scientists to do human's work (because citizens's revolutions were more and more violent and people kept complaining about jobs and things like that).This specie wasn't that mentally evolved at first.That's why scientists kept working on them until they become aware that their species was basically just human's slaves.After scientists noticed that,they started to destroy the specie but some of them managed to escape and live in the forest where they would be more safe.That means that animalions don't have a government to rule them or a religion to "follow".
Thanks again for the help!I will keep all your critiques in mind and work more on this character! ^ ^
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Thank you so much!!! I'll look at him and polish him up a bit. But thank you s much for the advice!
@BlackMagic Ohh!! Thanks for clearing up the religion/politics thing. Maybe put N/A (not applicable) instead of None, so there's no confusion. Anyway, glad I could help :)
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@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime No problem!
Also,thanks again!I'll do that rn. ^ ^
@TheMusicalVampire I'm fairly sure I critiqued Lucas on a different critique thread not too long ago… I don't think I'll have anything new to say about him?
@Airr Your character is on private! Switch to public and I'll do my best!
@That_One_Purple_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi Okay, on to your next character, Joan!
Looks
I like her appearance, but no identifying marks? At all? That's not necessarily wrong or anything, I'm just curious.
Nature
I love her mannerisms and flaws! Good job. Buuuuuuut huge flaw here: No motivation? Where's her motivation? What keeps her going and moving forward? What does she want more than anything? Even though she's not a main character (I'm assuming), every character needs a motivation. Otherwise, she'll be a static caricature. Talents and hobbies are solid. Her personality type is mostly just a laundry list of traits. Illustrate the straights a little better. At what point and under what circumstances does she get mad? Sad? When does her self-esteem get low? What's she stubborn about? Expound.
Social
Hmm, this section is pretty bare. I'm guessing you're not finished with it. Religion, politics, and favorite possession are some of the best ways to get inside your character's head. Don't underestimate the power of the social section!
History
Since you don't have her backstory, here's some arbitrary advice about writing a backstory: The backstory should reveal the why of your character. Why is she the way she is? What happened in her past to shape her into the person she is now? Where did her motivation come from? Backstories offer invaluable insight into a character.
Overall, she's a nice supporting character. I like how you've set her up as a very straight-forward and blunt kind of person, but still an extrovert and a people person. Good luck.
(Gosh darn it, I knew I was forgetting something.)
(Thanks for the critique! I'll edit her later. I've been putting up with my dog whining, yelping, and throwing a general hissy fit for the past few hours. I don't have the mental energy :P)
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
I don't think that you have critiqued his history or I updated it from when you did.
Heya! Could you please take a look at my characters? I'm not so sure if they're good enough, so they might need some criticizing. Thanks a lot ;w;
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime fixed it! Sorry!
Hey everyone! I swear I haven't forgotten this thread. This weekend was busy, but I'll get back to critiquing ASAP. Critiques will not be as continuous because I have relatives staying over but I'll try to get to your characters as fast as possible. Thanks for being patient :D
@Airr Hello! Nice character. Here's my critique:
Looks
Alright, so as much as I love her mixed heritage, it's a bit confusing. If you go through each section, it's quite hard to visualize her because there are so many seemingly random details. You say she's a mix of Irish, African American, and Caucasian. First of all, Caucasian means anyone of European decent. So, Irish falls under that category. Second, do you mean that she's half and half, or is this her ancestry.com analysis? Since she has straight hair, I'd assume her African-American heritage is rather distant, but then the medium skin thing throws me off. I'd describe my skin as medium, and I'm African-American. Maybe go more in depth about her skin tone, hair, etc., just to clear things up.
Nature
This section is rather bare. Only two mannerisms? Most people have way more than that! Think about what she does when she's scared, angry, sad, embarrassed, etc. What does her body do when she laughs? What about her hands? Her face? What does she do when she's deep in thought? Her motivation isn't very strong either. What about her family and friends motivates her? What does she want more than anything? A protagonist's motivation is typically the driving force of the story. Without a solid motivation, your protagonist isn't any different from any other character. Give her a strong motivation to keep the story moving forward. Only two flaws? And why would perseverance be a flaw? Thinking she can do anything she puts her mind to is definitely a positive trait. Don't be afraid to give her genuinely negative traits. Along that vein, no prejudice? Everyone's got a prejudice. Don't skip the prejudice section! Her talents are pretty good, but her hobbies are a bit weaker. What does she do in her free time? What types of activities does she enjoy? Her personality type needs way more. What is she anxious about? What's she insecure about? Is she shy? How does she act around others? What's her sense of humor like? Does she ever get mad? Why?
Social?
Where's the social section? The social section is a really useful tool for fleshing out a character. I don't recommend skipping it.
History
A background is a character's backstory. Tell about the events leading up to the start of the story. Tell about her upbringing, her childhood, any traumatic events, her relationships, etc. A backstory gives context to an otherwise static personality. You can write out a personality on a page all you want, but without solid reasoning behind that personality, it's not much to go off of.
Overall, you really need to get to know your character a little more! I think Piper has potential, but from what I've read, you know the bare minimum about her character. Flesh her out more! Good luck.
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
I don't think that you have critiqued his history or I updated it from when you did.
Oh, right! Okay, well he seems mostly unchanged besides his history, so my other critique is still relevant. His history is very good, though! I like all the detail and thought you put into it. I commend you! My only complaint on that backstory lays it on rather thick. It's not like trauma doesn't happen to people or anything, but it just seems like a LOT of angst. My warning would be that sometimes readers will get tired of reading about such heavily laid on angst and a character who's always caught up in their feelings. You don't have to cut any of the tragic details, but consider: give him something nice. A good friend to confide in. A sibling he's close to. Reconsider killing his pet and let him have that one simple joy. Just…something nice. It's hard to read about a character who's had everything taken away and is constantly sad. Anyway, other than that, you've done well! Good luck.
Hey, could you look at my character? Gabrielle Strasser
By the way, the story I'm writing has several narrators that end up in the story itself. It's a bit complicated, but Gabrielle is one of the narrators.
Could anyone review my two characters? I'd love to see some responses, especially since they're set in a quite complicated universe. I'm not finished with worldbuilding, but I'd like to have something to go off of for the continued development of these two! They are meant as love interests and the two main characters of my story.
@mellowlynea I know I'm not the one who created this post, but I decided to look at you charcters anyway.
Human One seems like a very interesting and unique character, and reading about them makes me very interested in the story you're writing.
Tobias, although slightly less unique, is still a good character. I'm actually currently reading a book where one of my favorite characters seems to be a mix of Human One and Tobias.
@Bremston
Thanks for looking! They are both still heavily in development, but I'm glad you're interested in Human One! Tobias was intended to be rather unremarkable, since his normality is what draws Human One to want to learn from him. I tried for a middle way between "generic protagonist" and "charming main character" to make him feel, if not very exciting or interesting as a person. The story will center around the clash between Human One's alien-ness and Tobias' very normal life, so having him be eccentric and exotic would ruin the story a bit. I'll try to make him a deeper person as I go, though!
@mellowlynea
That actually sounds pretty interesting! As long as you put effort into it, it sounds like it could be a very interesting and unique book.