I'LL CRITIQUE YOUR CHARACTERS!! [STILL OPEN]

1. It's his favourite star sign and his superhero title. Everyone in the story gets a nickname like his sister is called Matchstick.
2. He doesn't know anything about his mother.
3. His biological family doesn't extend beyond his Dad and twin sister.
4. At first his father verbally abuses him for being a Neo-Human but the relationship only turns violent when his powers show up and Caleb has enough and threatens him.
5. The background is more supposed to be loose like everyone only knows the basics and that's how it is.
6. So with the whole semi post apocalypse thing. All the major cities and areas are mostly fine but imagine the U.S is like the late wild west again. So basically there are areas that are fine and some that are more lawless.
7. His friends find out later on about the abuse he went through.

@Caboose
ok! try putting what you can of that into your character so you don't have to respond.

@LonelyPotato

Thanks for the feedback!! Love it, especially the grammar details - it always bugs me so much, glad I got to fix them… It'd be too long to respond to all of your critiques, but I'll summarize:

The girls are now all 15, after a minor plot change.
Lots of identifying features have been added!! I'm not great at them but I tried <3
Switched around some stuff - the categories are a bit vague for me, but I think I got it! I also elaborated a lot of it for clarity.
The backstories are elaborated slightly and synced up to match! I don't have a definite timeline yet, as I'm not sure what time I'll be placing this story in - it'll come!
Panya was never meant to be a tomboy or boyish character like Min is - there's a major difference! Panya has a slightly androgynous or boyish appearance, but is quite feminine in style and personality. Min has a feminine appearance, but is a tomboy. Panya isn't butch or anything like it - if there's a "butch" in the relationship (not that there has to be - femme lesbian here who's had several femme girlfriends) it's Eleanor, with her leather jacket and attitude. Panya doesn't have a strictly feminine appearance, but puts up a facade of a pretty-girl goody two-shoes because it suits her, and helps her get out of trouble every once in a while. Min goes against her family's tradition by becoming a rough-and-tumble tomboy. Eleanor doesn't give two shits in a sandstorm.
Hope that cleared it up!!

My idea for a silent protagonist? Gallagher Verdinelli

My idea for a silent protagonist? Gallagher Verdinelli

I can't access it! sorry!

@LonelyPotato

Thanks for the feedback!! Love it, especially the grammar details - it always bugs me so much, glad I got to fix them… It'd be too long to respond to all of your critiques, but I'll summarize:

The girls are now all 15, after a minor plot change.
Lots of identifying features have been added!! I'm not great at them but I tried <3
Switched around some stuff - the categories are a bit vague for me, but I think I got it! I also elaborated a lot of it for clarity.
The backstories are elaborated slightly and synced up to match! I don't have a definite timeline yet, as I'm not sure what time I'll be placing this story in - it'll come!
Panya was never meant to be a tomboy or boyish character like Min is - there's a major difference! Panya has a slightly androgynous or boyish appearance, but is quite feminine in style and personality. Min has a feminine appearance, but is a tomboy. Panya isn't butch or anything like it - if there's a "butch" in the relationship (not that there has to be - femme lesbian here who's had several femme girlfriends) it's Eleanor, with her leather jacket and attitude. Panya doesn't have a strictly feminine appearance, but puts up a facade of a pretty-girl goody two-shoes because it suits her, and helps her get out of trouble every once in a while. Min goes against her family's tradition by becoming a rough-and-tumble tomboy. Eleanor doesn't give two shits in a sandstorm.
Hope that cleared it up!!

thanks!! it definitely cleared it up. added note, i know there doesn't have to be a butch in a relationship, sorry if it came off that way!

heyo I am new to this site but i would like some critique on this character! Silverado

EY THANKS FOR MORE REQUESTS!!
@Soup_Nana i don't have permission to view the content!! sorry!!

Hi, would u mind looking at my guy? q3q

WOOHOO MORE REQUESTS DON'T WORRY I'LL GET TO YOU ALL EVENTUALLY (probably some time tonight)
@Starlight
For Silverado:

1. just a quick heads-up, a silverado is also a car, so not entirely sure if you want to name your character that. obviously it doesn't really matter lmao but just so you know.
2. so for their age, do you mean as the series progresses? also you haven't specified a gender. if you mean they're agender or nonbinary or something, put that! also, i don't really know what "Half Luna/Blizzaron Hybrid wolf" means. finally, role in the story? are they the protagonist? deuteragonist? triagonist? antagonist? i'm going to stop those words are starting to sound fake but you get the idea
3. more identifying marks!
4. body type: delicate, how so? are they fragile or just petite? this is kinda nitpicky but it's helpful.
5. eye color: do you mean like gunmetal blue or are their eyes metallic?
6. so i'm not sure what you mean by conditions, but i'm going to assume the second part of that is what happens with his magic. my recommendation is to put the first part in either personality or flaws - if he's reckless with his own life and therefore causes others to worry about him, it's probably a flaw, but if he's just selfless, it's his personality. (OH IT'S A HE)
7. "Fun, Joker, serious" just a bit conflicting. maybe if you mean he's serious with a fun side or vice versa, just put that. maybe add some more details as well! it's all good adding words, but sometimes we need full sentences just to get to know him better, especially if some of the words only apply in certain situations.
8. talents - LOL. maybe some more tho, if he has any more. if not, why? that could be a flaw, if there is a reason
9. what you've written down is not entirely a flaw. (maybe see #6). add flaws, as in what make him perhaps less likable than he otherwise would be - specifically personality flaws. is he selfish? (obviously not) is he reckless? (perhaps) stuff like that.
10. so motivations - loyalty to whom, and why? also the other one is a good motive (i'm actually using something very similar lol), but make sure his story isn't too much like the "terrible past" cliche. if it's too horrible (like he watched his entire family be murdered and survived accident after accident afterwards until he was shunned by society and left alone on the street) then consider changing some of it.
11. mannerisms - those aren't really mannerisms, though the one about making lots of jokes is kind of. mannerisms are like repetitive behaviors that happen during speech or when in contact vs. when alone. for example he might rock back and forth on his heels when he's anxious or smth.
12. so fav. weapon - do you mean if he fights? technically a healer shouldn't really be fighting, they'd be staying back so they can help those injured. if the healer goes down, they all go down. if you mean "in an emergency", put that.
13. so, out of interest (though you don't have to. that's fine) do politics even exist in your story or is there just no reason for him to be involved with them? personally i think many "quests" in stories might actually be politically (in terms of the story's world) motivated, but it might not be in your world.
14. what are riders?
15. " the rest of what hed needed to know about healing" do you mean the riders also taught him to heal? also idk if you care but there are some punctuation/grammatical errors in the history part. doesn't really matter tho
16. education - lmao no. please put at least where/what he's learned. if he was separated from his fam and thrown in with some riders then he's not gonna have a good education unless "riders" are sophisticated and taught him stuff.
17. birthday? does he not know? doesn't really matter but just wondering

so that's all! he's good but you're missing some stuff. keep at it!

OK @Soup_Nana THANKS!!

1. so the only thing i would be careful with is the fact that you've very slightly kind of put her as the "perfect skinny blonde", which i don't think is the case but others may believe so. i'm not telling you you have to change anything, but just be careful!
2. "Likeable" is not really a trait?? i mean it could be but it kind of depends on the way you write her. also, to tie basically all those traits (except for maybe graceful) together, you could say charismatic. Charismatic people are kind of natural-born leaders and people gravitate to them, so that (by the looks of things) would kind of fit her character.
   2.5 so just a suggestion obviously but you may want to consider using full sentences because you can get more details in, which helps develop the character more (that's just my personal preference tho, it helps me write/get to know my characters easier/better).
3. "Adventuring" do you mean like questing/rebelling or exploring. there's kind of a difference lmao
4. "Wants all the worries in the world to disappear." not a prejudice, probably a motivation. prejudices are unfounded hate for randomly (and often unfairly) generalized groups of people. like someone might hate republicans because Donald Trump soiled their name, or they might hate Democrats because Obama soiled their name or something like that.
5. "She tends to do her own thing rather than flow with the crowd." not really a mannerism, but would be great for personality!! mannerisms are ways people behave or speak by habit.
6. "Willow had lived and died multiple times since her mother's death, every time she was reincarnated, losing her memories. " how and why? also, how did she know her mother died? did she even know? i'm a little confused by all of this.
7. who is evangeline and why does she matter?
8. no one knows her birthday? not even her? if you put it down it's not really going to spoil anything as i'm only critiquing a character. it might just help you get a sense of the timeline.
9. also, you state that she's twelve in the history section but her age says 15..

k so that's all! she's pretty well-developed, just some nitpicky things. good job!

Hey so I have one. He is a jinn or genie in case you don't know what that means, and he lives around India and Arabia. Invalid Character

ok @Syguy20132
sorry this took me a while!!
For Jason:

1. thanks for clarification on his names!
2. i think for body type just a say lean. that would make sense. also i think we can get that he's gtall from his height lol but you can put it if you want
3. what kind of scar? MORE IDENTIFYING MARKS BLEASE
4. "Leans on either elbow when thinking with his head in the palm of his hand." just a tiny bit confusing - do you mean when he's sitting down? otherwise i'm having a hard time visualizing it LMAO
5. framed him for what?
6. "acceptions" -> exceptions (i make those kinds of mistakes all the time)
7. more personality please!! though i actually have a good idea of what he's like just from what you've put so far. GREAT JOB
8. "A 'gold' sword necklace" do you mean it has a sword pendant hanging on a chain? otherwise it could be either a bunch of tiny swords looped around his neck or like. a giant sword hanging from his neck (you never know what new levels of stupidity humanity will reach. i don't actually think of any of those, but clarify cos the possibilities are endless)
9. "for animals can sence that he's kinder more gental than he lets on." how? and also. what animal. you could put "animal person" in personality.
10. wow. you're a very talented writer. tbh you're better than a lot of people i've betaread for before but don't tell them i said that anyways that was quite detailed, but maybe consider using transitions to make it go a bit smoother and remove some details/dialogue from the specific instances (ik it sounds kinda crazy lmao) if it's a prologue. BUT IT'S STILL REALLY GOOD MAKE SURE TO SAVE SOME OF IT IF YOU DO DECIDE TO EDIT IT OBVIOUSLY NO PRESSURE THO DO WHAT YOU WANT
    anyways
11. all in all add some other qualities that might make him more of an anti-hero, simply because he doesn't really seem like a hero or an anti-hero right now. probably just cos i haven't really read your story and it depends on how you write him but you know.

For Levi:

1. "Mix of white and tan" you could say like. pale brown. honey. light. medium. blease add some actual color descriptions.
2. hair style? identifying marks?
3. personality: MOOOOORE. where are the flaws? prejudices? also "murderer" you put "murder" lol
4. maybe some more hobbies and talents (if he has them)
5. birth date? not really necessary tho

anyways he's got the basics, but he definitely has room for improvement. keep going!

For Lux:

1. i see what you did with the name. clever >v<
2. age: if you're serious about that, maybe make the number a bit more random so it doesn't seem too coincidentally perfect (that the story takes place on that exact year or smth)
3. "Black with a red stripe going down the left side of his face. starts above the left eye." this is just a bit confusing. do you mean he has a fringe/bangs that are red? in which case put that in hairstyle.
4. "Human". ????????????????? but he's 19,500?????????? as far as i'm aware humans started looking like actual humans barely 10,000 years ago.
5. "slightly tanned" what? slightly tanned peach? slightly tanned tan? ik this is nitpicky but it helps.
6. more identifying marks. this goes for all of the above too: how would you recognize them in a crowd/group photo?
7. "Believes that a ruler should be tough, yet kind and fair at the same time." not a prejudice. as i say a lot (you're not the only one, don't worry), prejudices are unfounded hate for randomly (and often unfairly) generalized groups of people. for example he might hate "poor people" because he thinks they're lazy or something (THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION OF MY BELIEFS DON'T WORRY)
8. talents and hobbies: any more? in 19,500 years i think he'd pick up more than one hobby or practiced/become good at quite a few more things.
9. personality: MORE!!! PLEASE!! what kind of person is he? is he selfish? selfless? reckless? a coward? general stuff!
10. "he managed to take with him" from where
11. education: more! has he ever been schooled? where? when? on what? in 19,500 years i should think he has.
12. "Cursed to become evil every new and full moon. " what exactly do you mean by this? clarify.
13. so a general note, the greatest empires of human history happened barely at the beginning of the millennium and a bit before that. i highly doubt that 19,500 years ago he was a king who looked like a modern human. Humans, i think, had barely "tamed" fire by then.

for William:

1. do you mean he goes from villain to hero? how important is he as a villain? is he the prime antagonist? then what does he become? deuteragonist/side-kick?
2. so "appears 23": you put 19,500 for the other guy. don't be afraid to put this guy's age. it's not really going to spoil anything, i'm just critiquing a character.
3. weight - does he have a true form?
4. to where does his hair fall? tips of ears? shoulders? super helpful in defining length. "short but long" leads nowhere.
5. more identifying marks
6. "Smiles if he sees something that he enjoys." uh. don't we all. also, maybe add more! how does he talk?
7. more personality please! also. is his hobby of killing people not a flaw. does he have a sadistic/merciless nature? that'd be a flaw.
8. quick addition if demons have a psychological need to cause chaos, how does he become a hero? is it because he can cause more chaos that way? if so, interesting. if not, careful how you write a redemption arc.
9. background - you can add more!! it will just help make the plot go smoother for you and you don't have to keep trying to remember things.
10. "Usually has a smirk on his face." mannerism!!
11. "orenge" orange…..
12. "If he want's to hide the fact that he's a Prince of Hell, he can make his demon-eyes completely black." out of interest, does that mean that other demons don't have orange eyes? and if his eyes are completely black, wouldn't that be a cause for more interest in the human world? or do you mean just his irises.

SO THAT'S ALL
sorry it took so long!
most of them are good characters (in fact they all are) but some have room for more information. good luck and great job!!

ok @Kohaku

1. "284 yrs (biologically) 26 (physically)" biologically and physically basically mean the same thing unless he's a spirit who inhabits different bodies and his biological form is different than his current physical one. otherwise i'm not sure: if he was frozen like Captain America or something maybe put "chronologically" and "mentally/physically".
2. more identifying marks
3. "He's normally calm and collected" personality i think.
4. does he have any more flaws?
5. more talents if possible!
6. hobbies: you mean he goes seashell hunting? how you've worded it doesn't necessarily make it a hobby. add some more if he has any!
7. good details in the personality. maybe just a few more! does he have any other sides to him than "work" and "relaxed"?
8. politics - so who does he take orders from? who is he loyal to? that could be politics, depending on the situation.
9. fav. possession - why? what's so special about a blue rock?
10. "Even during his training years, he liked taking breaks from time to time, dedicating his free time to interesting lectures" that's a hobby. "As a night elf, he's as smart as he is strong." that's probably personality. for education, what were his training years training him? did he go to a school or something similar? for how long? stuff like that!
11. background - pretty good, but maybe just a bit more about his childhood
12. basic night elf abilities: including…?

so that's all! he's pretty good! keep working on him, but so far he's fairly well-developed.

Hey so I have one. He is a jinn or genie in case you don't know what that means, and he lives around India and Arabia. Invalid Character

can't access him!! sorry!!

@LonelyPotato ok imma clear up some stuff (and pls excuse me grammar)
1) yes i know about the name and yes it stays
2) A).resolved altho there is a possibility he's gay (i personally am a clueless innocent person with no experience (or prejudice) with that stuff soooo i will see where that goes…
B).And as for species… Silverado is what is known as in his world as a halfblood wolf, but he is also a hybrid wolf so he's a halfblood hybrid, the two types of wolves that make up his hybrid half are luna and blizzaron (think arctic) so he's actually 1/2 human 1/4 Luna wolf and 1/4 Blizzaron wolf.
C).Then for age, yes i do mean as the story progresses.
D).And as for role…. he isn't a protagonist or antagonist but he is a key supporting character that goes thro a ton of development.
3) I'm not sure what else to add there….
4) slim delicate features
5) his eyes are kinda ice blue
6) yeah that first bit doesn't really go there and the first bit of the second bit is actually a physical effect more than a magic thing.
7) he normally is a joker in a calm situation but gets very serious and strategic when in a more dangerous or tense environment, basically 2 sides to his personality
8) i will work on that
9) again same as above
10) loyalty to his friends, and also his past isn't actually that bad, i have actually left a loose end there because he doesn't actually know what happened to his parents, basically he just gets separated from them and his older brother at a young age, it was rough for him but he's always had people at his back who cared.
11) i will work on it,
12) he is both a fighter and a healer and can hold his own with the best, he just acts primarily as a healer.
13) politics do exist, i have non human and human hierarchies, kinda, but silver has no affiliation or citizenship or whatever to any reigning political power.
14) riders are an elusive culture lost mostly in time going back in history a bit the riders disappeared in the fall of the wolf kingdoms, basically they are humans who bond with wolves in a rider/ridee relationship, but they didn't die out completely as there are still some remote groups of riders and their wolf buddies around, silver was found and taken in and taught how to fight by a group of riders as aforementioned.
15) he was originally taught the art of healing by his parents as they were both healers. He was unable to finish that training because he had gotten separated from them. And no idc about grammer that much (excepting in my actual book drafts)
16) rider are generally more sophisticated than most and given that most of my characters and the random people they run into don't go to schools or anything like that yes his "education" is pretty good that and healers in general ha bnb e a good education especially halfblood ones.
17) time is measured differently in their world so I'm still working on that….
So yeah, btw i am new to this site so a little later on after i have filled out my character sheets here a bit more i will look for another thread like this from u or someone else cause this is the best advice ever.
So thank you soooo much for taking the time to do this!

@Starlight
glad i could help!! obviously they were all suggestions so you don't have to change anything!
if you do want to change it, my recommendation would be just take the responses you gave me and plug it right into the category.
hmu if you need anything else! obviously when you've fleshed out any character(s) more feel free to ask for another critique as i'll be here (in this thread, specifically lmao) for a while.

Zeal This is my first real protag and I was wondering if he's a good fit

@LonelyPotato Sure actually my characters are pretty fleshed out, I just haven't had a place like this to nail down all the little details, And thanks again for ur help!

Don't hold anything back please.

Don't hold anything back please.

Letting you know that the character is currently private. You can change this by going to the character, clicking the little share button that looks something like this: < and changing them from private to public

My bad, here he is again.

I have this character. any links in his profile won’t work because he’s the only one who’s done. I also have the universe open.
I’d be very thankful for your help on this one
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/656277#!

ok so @Jake:

1. ok. first off. wow. did you draw that art?? if so that's amazing you must have practiced so much to get so good blease give me some tips
2. is the white streak dyed?
3. bit more on hair style - how long is it? does it have layers? good other details tho
4. so i'm not sure what you mean by heritage, as heritage is usually culture or other things that are inherited. do you mean he has a bit of whatever god's blood in him? if so just put like. half- or one-quarter god or whatever he is. it'll just help it be detailed but more concise.
5. yessss deku but honestly deku is kind of muscular, so maybe just say "lightly muscled". or lean
6. good identifying marks. but you put that he has black hair in identifying marks and dirty blonde in hair color, so just watch out
7. mannerisms - good details! is he socially awkward? in which case what a mood but anyways,, how does he talk? (like loud, with lots of gesticulations, etc.) does he have any fidgety habits like picking his fingernails or tapping his feet (may be related to certain emotions but doesn't have to be)
8. motivations are cool, but maybe add what you mean by "the accursed" because it's just a bit confusing without knowing your storyline. you don't have to tho
9. so him being blinded by his want for glory could be considered as a flaw. there's a word for this and i cAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT IS @#*$& but his other flaws are good
10. what other magic do you mean? like other elemental powers or like witchcraft and spells and stuff?
11. "Wants to prove himself to his tribe/people" a motivation!
12. so a lot of his personality is kind of repeating what you've already said. try to build it - is he more selfish or selfless? reckless or cautious? intelligent or not so much? general stuff like that. the more details the better.
13. "once back in the past reserved but once in a fight is cool headed and able to handle himself" i'm a bit confused as to what this means. do you mean when he's not in a fight he's reserved, but when he is he is cool-headed and able to handle himself? in which case you don't really need to use 'but' simply because cool-headed and reserved aren't that different.

aight that's all
still in love with the art omg
he seems really well developed and tbh i like him a lot! keep going :DD