Ren: What are you doing?
Chan: Helping Lucas find his chocolate I ate two hours ago.
-
Ren: Two, four, six, eight, why do people think I'm straight.
-
Chan: How do you sleep knowing that there can be people out there who don't like you?
Lucas: With no underwear, in case they wanna kiss my ass.
-
Zephyr: Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.
-
Himari: I'm scared of the backstreet boys.
Ren: Tell me why.
Himari: [screams]
-
[Ren teaching Zephyr how to drive]
Zephyr: But what if I step on the accelerator and the brake of the car at the same time?
Chan: It takes a screenshot.
Ren:
Ren: How did you get in here.
-
Elyas: Roast me.
Chan: Oh, okay.
[later]
Chan to a disappointed Ren: And that's why Elyas is in the oven.
-
Himari: I once ate 170 jalapenos under 2 minutes.
Himari: Everyone at the hospital was so impressed.
-
Ren: Hey guys! Don't forget to drink water and stay hydrated! :D
Chan: No.
Ren: Then become the dirt I walk on.
-
Lucas: Freedom of speech means nothing when we don't have freedom of fists.
Elyas: I feel threatened.
Lucas: The law protects you, for now.
-
[In the group chat]
Ren: Gentle reminder not to eat too much candy before bed.
Chan: No.
Ren: This was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage.
Himari: Word.
Ren: I want nothing more than to uppercut you directly to the Jade Emperor's door.
-
Elyas, half-asleep: How would you die in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
Chan, also half-asleep: Bullet to the head.
Elyas: By an Oompa-Loompa or Mr. Wonka?
Chan: Charlie.
Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo
group
Jackson: Two, four, six, eight, why do people think I'm straight-
Oberon: How do you sleep knowing that there can be people out there who don't like you?
Oleander: With no underwear, in case they wanna kiss my ass.
Oleander: Oh, please. Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.
Barry: I once ate 170 jalapenos under 2 minutes.
Barry: Everyone at the hospital was so impressed.
Louis: Freedom of speech means nothing when we don't have freedom of fists.
Arthur: I feel threatened.
Louis: The law protects you, for now.
Casey, half-asleep: How would you die in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
Beck, also half-asleep: Bullet to the head.
Casey: By an Oompa-Loompa or Mr. Wonka?
Beck: Charlie.
group
Peregrine: Two, four, six, eight, why do people think I'm straight?
group
(('they just hate mine' more like they just hate him lmao rip rhys))
oof yeah, i should change that to be more accurate lmao
group
(Also tag yourself I'd be a bullet to the head by Mr. Willy fucking Wonka himself)
((i'd choke on my own spit or trip over nothing and just hit my head on the wall))
group
((I'd drown in the chocolate river because I have no coordination or balance and also I like chocolate))
((you'd go under and nobody would realize until your corpse washed ashore))
(('the oompa loompas have been singing for half an hour what is happening' 'uh, would that body have anything to do with it?'))
group
((Mystery of the Singing Oompa Loompas: The Chocolate Body))
group
(Y'all know there was a sequel, right?)
group
(I do :0 never watched it, though.)
group
Oleander: I’m feeling a little judged again
Calla: It’s probably because I’m judging you
Oberon: It’s probably because we’re all judging you
Gabriel: I didn’t ask for the attitude.
Louis: I know. It’s on the house.
Ophelia: I had a dream about you last night
Oleander: Really?
Ophelia: Yeah, you were my sleep paralysis demon
Jackson, on the phone: Morgan?
Morgan: Yes?
Jackson: Okay, so, hypothetically–
Morgan: I’m on my way
Darius: Ugh, I can’t believe I lost my sunglasses!
Nich, staring at Darius's sunglasses on his head: I’ll help you find them for 20 bucks
Padma: How petty can you get?
Frankie: I once edited a Wikipedia page to win an argument against Kat
Barry: If you spell skeletons backwards it still spells skeletons
Frankie: Man, I can’t wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks!
Jackson: I’m invoking the “no judgements” part of our friendship right now
Geneva: Oh my God, what did you do?
Ms. Taylor: Wait, so you’re gay?
Henry: Yes
Ms. Taylor: But you don’t act gay
Henry, sarcastically: Oh, sorry, I forgot to bring my rainbow with me.
Carrie: You peasants, using a knife to cut a cake
Carrie, brandishing a longsword: THIS is how you cut a cake
Robin: I am an expert at identifying birds
Oberon, pointing at a hummingbird: What’s that, then?
Robin: Your Majesty, that’s a bird. I feel like you should’ve known that
Robin, walking back into the house late at night: Hey I found this caterpillar outside, can we keep him?
Titania, standing on the counter: whAT THE FUCK–
Oberon: That's a snake, Robin!
Christopher: Why are you eating a birthday cake? It’s not even your birthday
Georgie: …The cake doesn’t know that
group
((fun fact about the cake and sword thing, one of the guitarists of ffdp cut his birthday cake with a sword))
group
Azami: Ugh, I can’t believe I lost my sunglasses!
Nami, staring at Azami's sunglasses on his head: I’ll help you find them for 20 bucks.
Peregrine, after drinking heavily: You peasants, using a knife to cut a cake.
Peregrine, unsheathing her sword: THIS is how you cut a cake.
customer: i didn't ask for the attitude
lorelei: i know, it's on the house
wesix: hallowe, you can't just give away what we can be making money off of
lyss, walking into the gym: guys i found our new mascot. check out this caterpillar i found
mihael, climbing up onto the ball rack: what the FUCK
ai, sighing: lyss, that's a snake
lyss: terrible things happen to good people every day
lyss: consequently, i am not one of the good people. i am a terrible thing
ray: i have bad news and good news
lorelei: …what's the good news
ray: the air bags on your car worked perfectly!
lorelei:
lorelei: i'm going to feed you your own arm
mihael: do you think in spanish or english
ray: i-
alex: bold of you to assume he can think
ai: you look like a corpse
alex: i've been unconscious for the past three hours to make up for not sleeping for three days
lorelei: i got you a mood ring so i know when you need a hug
mihael, about to start sobbing: they change depending on heat signatures but thank you
alex: how long can you go without sleep before you start to hallucinate
lyss: three days
ai: how do you know?
lyss, staring blankly at nothing: there's a clown behind you
ai: stop throwing up in people's shoes
alex, drunk off his ass: i will do no such thing
group
Henry: You look like a corpse
Victor: I've been unconscious for the past three hours to make up for not sleeping for three days.
Henry: I got you a mood ring so I know when you need a hug.
Victor, about to start sobbing: They change depending on heat signatures but thank you-
group
Jax: I got you a mood ring so I know when you need a hug.
Law, about to start sobbing: They change depending on heat signatures but thank you-
group
Joel: And what do we say when someone feels wronged by our actions?
Charlie, deadpan: Hoes mad
Joel: Oh my god. What has Thea been teaching you?
Mieke: This gives me good ptsd
Rhys: …You mean nostalgia?
Charlie: Has anyone ever told you they loved you?
Rhys: Do my parents count?
Charlie: Yeah
Rhys: Then no
Joel: This poor child–
Rhys: If you had to find your dog in a room with 49 identical dogs that are all equally excited to see you, how would you figure out which one is yours?
Acacia: I would bring all 50 dogs home and live like a queen
Acacia: God, country and pop music is so awful
Joel: Cause I–
Acacia: DUG MY KEY INTO THE SIDE OF HIS PRETTY LITTLE SOUPED UP FOUR WHEEL DRIVE
Mieke: You know that can kill you, right?
Joel, downing six espresso shots in one go: Uh, yeah
Charlie, smoking a cigarette: That’s the point
Acacia, drinking bourbon straight from the bottle: We’re trying to speed this up
Rhys, eating raw cookie dough: nodding
Charlie: Your existence is confusing
Rhys: How so?
Charlie: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me
Acacia: Girls are hot
Acacia: Guys are hot
Acacia: You’re hot
Acacia: I’m hot
Acacia: Why is everyone so hot?
Joel: Firestorms
Rhys, hearing thumping: What are you doing?
Thea: Helping Joel find his chocolate I ate two hours ago
Acacia, chugging neat tequila from the bottle: Tradition is peer pressure from dead people
Fellow Model: I didn’t ask for the attitude
Thea: I know, it’s on the house
Rhys: All I said was that I wanted McDonalds…
Acacia: Yeah… and I got you McDonalds
Rhys: I mean like some fries not the whole company
Joel: There is no I in team
Joel: But there is one in pizza
Charlie: So you’re not going to share with the group?
Joel: No
Acacia: If you spell skeletons backwards it still spells skeletons
Thea: Man, I can’t wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks!
Rhys: And you’re majoring in computer programming with As and Bs
Mieke: Okay, now name a yellow fruit
Thea: An orange
Thea: …
Thea: Wait–
Rhys: Even I fucking know that isn't right
Employer: Wait, so you’re Dutch?
Mieke: Yes
Employer: But you don’t act Dutch…
Mieke, sarcastically: Oh, sorry, I forgot to bring my favorite clomps and stash of weed with me, eh!
Charlie: If I cut off my leg and swing it at you, am I hitting you or kicking you?
Joel: You’ll probably end up mentally scarring me more than anything
Rhys: Riveting intellectual conversations here
Holly: Doctor: $140,000 a year. Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year
Brian: I think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh.
Holly: I’m sorry for the inaccuracies, Doctor Yiff.
Brian: No matter how I respond to this I don’t look good, well played. I walked right into that.
Andor: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.
Ara: Did you just legitimately tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in a university to give you your lung transplant?
Andor: Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them
Ara: You will die in 7 days
Dallas: It took doctor’s like 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking for attention while a furry artist I knew just went “that sounds like asthma” after hearing me complain once and ended up being right
Dallas: Also I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I?
Holly: You could if you weren’t a fucking coward!
pets
(Fire Blanket 17- Jone's Barbeque and Foot Massage edition)
David, trying to tell a story: So I was sitting there-
Kevin, Asbjorn and Nathan from various places in the room: -Barbeque sauce on my tiddies.
———————
Nathan: Hey, Kuroko's hungry and wants something to eat. Or at least I think that's what he said. My Japanese isn't that great.
Kuroko, in Japanese: I actually called you a snack, but okay.
———————
Jay: Ez is the best fundraiser. He just doesn't get economics.
Memphis: What do you mean?
Jay: Ez! If you steal $500 from that old lady for us you'll get this free hat.
Eric, thinking for a moment: That is such a great deal!
———————
Zack and Thomas' future kid: would you sing me a song to sleep?
Zackeri: sure
Zackeri: THERE'SANINFESTATIONINMYMIND'SIMAGINATION
Thomas, from the other room: ZACK STO-
Zackeri: THISISNOTRAPTHISISNOTHIPHOP
JUSTANOTHERATTEMPT TO MAKE THE VOICESSTOP
———————
Cashier: and would you like your receipt?
Markus, thinking: if someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me
Cashier: sir?
Markus: i want to speak to a lawyer
———————
Craig: you know what strength is? it’s forgiving someone who wasn’t even sorry!
Shane: not to be dramatic but i would literally rather die.
Dennis: strength is when Eric asks you to help lift a really heavy couch and he buys you McDonalds after :)
———————
Suka, pointing to an adventure time poster: omg is that marceline?
Psy: yes!
Suka: her dad kidnaps people and impregnates them right?
Psy:
Suka: or was that just the porno?
Phoenix: are you drunk?
Kit: why the FUCK are you in my ROOM?
———————
Felix: anyways, we've gotta go. El and I bought a new tv.
Kira: Oh, you guys gonna set it up?
Eliott: nah, we’re gonna beat the old one with a baseball bat.
———————
Sammy: I just feel as if we're meant to be together. I mean, look how care keeps throwing us at each other.
Sam: it's 3am and you're stuck in my window. how did you even get there?
Sammy: fate. I told you, weren't you listening?
———————
Lance: If you had to choose between Kuma and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose?
Daneil: depends. how much money are we talking about?
Kuma: Neil?????
Lance: eleven cents.
Daneil: sold.
Kuma: NEIL?!!!!???
———————
Phoenix: cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Kira: You’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous motherfucker
———————
Memphis: Why do my hands get cold but not the rest of me?
Shane: The body uses your hands as an export to regulate its temperature
Eric: the ghosties holdin' ya hands
Memphis:
Memphis: how romantic
Will: Hey, uh, maybe we need Eira's help for this one?
Kenna: I would literally rather die.
_
Wil: If you were to die, what would your last words be?
Acyn: Finally.
Will: No-
_
Dimitri: Name a way to be nice to people .
Kenna: Don't kill them.
Dimitri: …
Dimitri: Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it.
_
Kenna: The real treasue was the memories we made along the way.
Eira: I almost died.
Kenna: That was my fondest memory.
_
Dimitri: Where have you been?
Kenna, arriving in the spiritual realm: Emotional hell.
_
Kenna: I made all of you into Sims, look.
Acyn: Where are you?
Kenna: I'm the grave in the backyard.
Acyn:
Caspian:
Acyn: Put me there to.
Caspian: Oh my god-
_
Verena: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.
Will: You left me in the market square like three weeks ago.
Verena: I did that on purpose, try again.
_
Acyn: Keres, did you know that "thot" means "thoughtful person"?
Keres: Really? I did not know this modern slang.
[later]
Keres: Thank you for helping me with the Wyvrens, Will. You're such a thot.
Will, wheezing: I'm a WHAT?
_
Anahid: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl.
Sorin: I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either.
Will: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.
_
Acyn: [choking]
Will: I'm trying to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!
Kenna: Just flip your phone upside-down and use the 6.
Acyn, stopping his choking fro a second: What the fu-
_
Kenna: [sits in the front seat]
Kenna: Alright, is everyone ready to go?
The Elite: Yup!
Kenna: Okay, let's go!
[looks into the side mirror to see Eira running after the van]
Kenna: [whispers to herself] goodbye you little shit.
_
Acyn: What the hell is going on??
Will: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Acyn: You mean your girly scream?
Will: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP
_
Kenna: The risk I took was calculated.
Kenna: But holy shit I'm bad at math.
_
Kenna: How come whenever I have fun it's considered wrong?
Dimitri: People die when you have fun.
group
Azami: If you had to choose between Sanji and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose?
Zoro: depends. how much money are we talking about?
Sanji: Marimo?????
Azami: Like, half a Beli.
Zoro: Sold.
Sanji: MARIMO?!!!!???
Azami: Where have you been?
Sanji, arriving in Sabaody again after 2 years: Emotional hell.
group
Cashier: And would you like your receipt?
Beck, thinking: If someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me…
Cashier: Sir?
Beck: I want to speak to a lawyer
Peter: Anyways, we've gotta go. My bros and I bought a new TV.
Kate: Oh, you guys gonna set it up?
Peter: Nah, we’re gonna beat the old one with a baseball bat.
Rosalind: Cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Adalia: You’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous motherfucker
group
Winifred: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Nich: I almost died!
Darius: That was my fondest memory.
Mab: Where have you been?
Cordelia, arriving in the spiritual realm: Emotional hell.
Vivian: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl.
Lucas: I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Iam could fight in that dress either.
Iam: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.
Joan: What the hell is going on??
Samuel: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Joan: You mean your girly scream?
Samuel: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP
Nich: The risk I took was calculated.
Nich: But holy shit am I bad at math.