Personal Venting Chat, New and Improved! (Without Jerks)

_{I hate today}

Well, this morning, my parents left me home alone again. Which is usually the highlight of my week, but recently, every time they leave it doesn’t matter what my mood is because I’m instantly hit with a brick of hopelessness and extreme self-loathing while also reminded of all 108 ways I could kill myself right that moment so… yeah that was fun

I survived tho

Then after that whole episode suddenly I just didn’t feel like eating
Like at all
I ate maybe two things today so I wouldn’t worry anyone but I really didn’t want to

Then suddenly it’s like time itself decided to slow down completely because everything just seemed to drag on and on, most of my day is usually spent waiting for time to pass so when one minute starts to feel like days it’s practically living hell-

And then all of a sudden my fears and triggers absolutely skyrocketed to the point where I was visibly shaking most of the day and avoiding all contact with humans, the outdoors, and random surfaces around the house

And just to top it all off, while I was in that state of terror, I found a hecking spider.

IN MY BED.

_{So now I’m too terrified to even enter my own room and am instead hiding in a dark corner of the kitchen at 10-freaking-PM shaking and panicking and crying and I just want death}

Then also as I was sitting here in the dark my cat managed to get upstairs…
Normally I’d be really happy to have some company with me but when a large, pitch black creature with matted fur, large ears, shiny eyes and vampire teeth slinks it’s way up the stairs directly towards you from the dark basement at night, your first thought isn’t going to be “Hey there kitty kitty! Hey! Poe! My massive chunk of sunshine who is very large and oh so chubby! Get over here you precious boi and let me give you hugs <3“
No. You immediately assume there’s a demon or something and in my case, cry
And then I had to carry that heavy boi all the way back down into the dark, creepy basement where we lock them up for the night while still shaking so that was… fun

And now I’m just really really extremely tired, can’t focus anymore, I just want the day to end, but I can’t sleep
Every time I walk into my room I get scared and hide back in the corner

_{typing this all out I realize I sound like an absolute freaking baby but then again I always sound like a baby so what’s new}

Hey El!

1. You don't sound like a baby. You sound like you're expressing emotions all of us feel.
2. Some days you just aren't hungry, and that's okay. But if this not-eating thing is not a matter of small appetite but rather a body image issue, you need to tell someone. This could spark an eating disorder.
3. Just focus on the knowledge that you are safe; Because you are. I promise. You have felt many emotions today. Try relaxing, letting them go and knowing that you deserve peace. And sleep.

I have successfully built up the bravery to enter my room
Still can’t make myself go near my bed but I’m not in the dark anymore

I have entered my bed
I’m still alive
…Now I just have to turn off the light
close my eyes so I can’t see if I’m in danger
_{shut down my awareness and defense mechanisms}

_{make myself completely helpless to anything today throws at me}

_{and then repeat the same miserable daily cycle tomorrow}

_{and the day after}

_{and the day after}

THE LIGHT IS OFF

internal screaming intensifies

More wholesome memes? Music you like?

I just need to breathe and set down my phone and everything will be okay
I just can’t breathe
Or set down my phone
Cause then it would be dark and I’d be making noise

guys, i’m forgetting everything and i’m really, really scared

one of my persecutors, he did something to nina, and he’s now doing it to me and i’m really really scared.

i don’t remember what he did, it’s getting worse i’m so scared rachel…

no, i don’t…

When you're forced into spending time with a boring person….

Mood

When you're forced into spending time with a boring person….

Mood

actually though. - ruby (elliot co-con)