Please ignore this rant, I just had to get this out of my system

Nobody is going to have any idea what I'm talking about but I've been keeping this in for like half a year now and it's like there's something painful growing in my chest, and I can't keep it in anymore, if that makes any sense.

I hate feeling like I have to lie to people to keep them happy. I just want to scream, and cry, and tell the world that this is not what I want, I never wanted this. I got myself into an inescapable mess, and it's impossible for me to get out of this without hurting people who are important to me.

I made a really dumb decision, and now I'm really starting to feel the consequences. It makes my chest hurt, and I'll cry for hours in my room, until my mind and body start to go numb, and I just can't do anything anymore. I can't get up. But it still hurts so, so bad.

And then eventually I'll pull myself off of the floor and put on my favorite hoodie and go spend time with some of my friends and family, and as far as they know, nothing ever happened.

Sorry I didn't ignore this, but I really hope you know that, even though it takes time, things will become easier to handle. I've been in a similar situation (I don't know about the circumstances though), and I wanted to hide it from everyone. Mostly because I didn't want them to worry about me, also because I'd be embarrassed. I was in constant anxiety from it for eight months. But now it's better. It took me being proactive about it and at least sharing it with my parents (although I didn't want to come to them with my anxiety and fear over it, since I felt like I'd be bothering them. In hindsight I know they wouldn't have been bothered). I don't stay up at night over it anymore. With time, and the will to stick it out even before seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, things will work out. :)

I'm so sorry for you…. really

It's okay I'll be fine it's just like I wish I could cry it out but I cry at very unexpected times and there's nothing I can do about it

Hi, I'm sorry to be that annoying person who offers unwarranted advice, so feel free to ignore me
But I'm in a similar situation where I am now dealing with the repercussions of a bad decision I made months ago, and the more people find out about it the more people are hurt not only by the fact that I made that decision but even more by the fact that I chose not to trust them with it (because I wanted to spare them pain but now I'm a liar)
Anyway what I found really helps is rant-writing. I do it when no one's home, and I write everything out and articulate everything I want to say to people but can't. I must have written five letters to the same person over and over again because it got it out of my system. Or I just write choppy nasty bad emo poetry or just anything. And then usually I either feel better because it's out, or it makes me cry and I can cry as long as I want to and then it's… well not over, exactly but better.
Don't know if it works for other people, but it's one method I found that helps me get stuff out of my head without having to tell other people and possibly regret it later

I actually really appreciate that, thank you. I'll try writing things down. Honestly even after writing this post I felt better to at least have somewhat admitted it, even if it's really only to myself.

I'm glad you're feeling a little better :)

me too