Notebook.ai

Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

@The-N-U-T-Cracker forum 6788 comments schedule
group
@Becfromthedead group

I'm also just really upset that these, my closest friends, are seriously thinking of prioritizing the "education" of a guy none of us even like over my comfort and safety, and potentially that of other members.
Idk, tell the dipshit to go outside, touch some grass, maybe read about topics like consent and feminism. Not our job. And yes. I understand if we cast him out, we risk putting him in a situation where he will probably become a full on incel, but quite frankly? Enough excuses have been made. This WAS his second chance (after the making fun of us putting our pronouns in bios and also saying there are only two genders in an incredibly queer group of people). We can't just be like "okay, don't do that again," for every separate bad thing he says on different topics.

group

very true. you can only deal with so much. and you're right, it's not your job to teach him right from wrong, at all. i'm sorry you have to deal with that, you're handling it well, though. keep it up, and i hope it works out.

group
@Becfromthedead group

Ooooh I just love how my phone corrected incel to Intel :(

group
@Becfromthedead group

Like I know i keep venting about this, but I'm so mad and I feel so fucking slighted by some of the people I thought were my closest friends.
They literally make fun of this guy behind his back, which I rarely join in on- aside from making honest comments (ie: he makes me uncomfortable). And they still have the nerve to essentially choose him over me, and also act self-righteous, like they're "helping" him.
I would literally drop everything and support one of my friends had they been the target, but it is incredibly uncool that they're not doing the same for me.
I have a feeling I'm legitimately going to lose friends over this if I can't make them see how wrong they are.
But also, shoutout to my fiance for supporting me and empowering me to keep fighting as long as I have to. (And also letting me lay down in their bed and cry earlier ;-;)
We're meeting tomorrow night to come up with a final club decision, and if it doesn't work out, I will probably eventually drop my exec board position and leave because that's bullshit. Or I could vent about it to someone else who wasn't there who would side with me (which is probably legit everyone else in the club????). But either way, I would almost certainly lose friends if it didnt work out. But then again, if it doesn't, they're just shitty friends and it's their loss. I'll still be really upset of course, but if they're not willing to stand up for me like I am for them, what's the point?

language
@requiemisback language

cw: mentions of r*pe

group
@Katastrophic group

it feels like i was finally forcing everything to start to go right but now everything's just crumbling down. Hard work doesn't mean success no matter how hard i try and i'm just so tired.

group
@Becfromthedead group

So good news, I was able to navigate everything with my friends tactfully, and we worked out an agreement.
Basically the guy has been dming a couple of the other club members trying to figure out what to do, and we decided to as a club give him a 2-week suspension, but one of the members, as a friend, will advise him to just bow out. And judging from what my friend told me, he's very much considering leaving.
So yeah, I have not lost some of my closest friends ✌
I will be a little wary from now on when it comes to these types of situations, but ultimately they did agree that it was best to not have the guy around anymore.
Thing is, the relationship he had with us wasn't good for anyone, himself included.

@moss

I have 2 big tests tomorrow jgfdjsg im so nervous
and my parents got me a tutor for my math test and if i do bad im gonna feel guilty and they're gonna be mad and my grade will most likely be ruined for the rest of the year.

pets
@faltering_through pets

So I've been gone for a while now and I plan to keep it that way but I genuinely need input on something. I probably will be talking to my therapist about this but before I do, I was hoping to get opinions from a larger group of people. Some of you guys who knew me, know that I am a trans motherfucker, and while that's nice and all, my dumbass decided to come out to my mom. Obviously, she didn't take it well and went into denial and while she doesn't accept me for who I am, I know she still loves me because I'm her kid.
But uhhh, I've been talking with her and trying to clearly explain things to her- things like my personal beliefs and views, and with that comes the whole trans thing (which she's clearly against, perks of being a pentecostal).
Given my whole personality and my angry nature, I find it hard to keep my cool whenever she says that I'm not really what I say to be. I know who I am, I have for a long time now but I've just been too nervous to tell her for these exact reasons.
Anyways, that aside, I'm a very easy person to manipulate and sometimes with the things she says, I feel like I'm in the wrong- now I know that maybe she might be manipulating me but somewhere in the back of my mind there's some doubt. And so I confront her about these things. Whenever she tells me something that I feel is off, I talk it out with her, but what if I'm the one who's being pushy? Like, am I being manipulative for trying to get her to accept me?
I mean, she's made me cry on several occasions in the past few months, and by "made me" I mean that I feel the rejection running deep inside me and I'm not taking well to it. So she's seen me cry and comforts me and hugs me because she sees how much damage her words do and because she's a good mother (it's what I like to think at heart). But is me crying in front of her emotional manipulation? Should I stop trying to get her to accept me? I know she's very religious and that me as a whole clashes with her beliefs. I feel like I'm trying to change her into something she's not for my own benefit and it doesn't sit well with me. I'm at a loss here and I don't know if I should stop and continue to mind my own business, or keep trying to make her see things from my point of view.

anyways yeah uh that's what i have going on for me, also, hi lol sorry for the shit ton of questions
didn't mean for all that to come out but it did- and another thing, if no one knows how to answer that's okay, no one is obligated to help me, I just wanted to ask here for the off chance that someone may be able to clear my mind a little
regardless of what happens, i appreciate you guys a lot

fastfood
@tungsten fastfood

out with her, but what if I'm the one who's being pushy? Like, am I being manipulative for trying to get her to accept me?

This is really the only one that stood out with me so I'll give my two-sense.

Sooo no? Easy answer is no. You're trans which is completely valid and it's necessary that your mom accepts you so you can go by your correct pronouns and start comfortably transitioning.
By not accepting you, your mom is being really selfish. As you mentioned she's making it a religious thing which is just a thing on itself. She's making your sexuality and your gender about her. Which is absolutely infuriating and I can only imagine how frustrating it is, especially with the disphoria of "am I actually what I say I am?" and just overall making you feel invalidated.
In return you're pushing for her to understand as you should. You're not manipulative for trying to make your mom understand that you're simply not the person they thought they raised if that makes sense. You're more important in this scenario. Period.

Also hello and I hope I could help a little ^^

@berlioz

Like, am I being manipulative for trying to get her to accept me?

Big no. You deserve to be recognized for who you are, everyone does. Don't feel guilty for wanting validation. It's very understandable that you're not taking the rejection easily. Who would? It already took a lot to come out, and now reaping negative attention for it has probably put you at the end of your rope. Having the people closest to you not accept you is one of the shittiest things to go through. It's cool of you to try and talk things out with her, even if things get a little heated sometimes. But I bet it's also pretty exhausting, because every conversation is like another little rejection. Maybe consider if having more of those intense conversation is really worth it. Save up your energy. Obviously her religiosity is affecting this whole bump in your relationship. This video might help you. In the mean time, stick around supportive friends if you have them. I wish you didn't have to feel like your very identity is something that needs to be defended in an argument and to your mom, someone who loves you. Take things a day at a time, don't look to far into the future. You're doing the best you can and that's good enough.

Hhhhhhh I don’t like men
I really really don’t, they’re terrifying.
I just wish I could be able to go on a walk at night but I can barely get myself to drive somewhere past 7 pm because I’m just terrified, all the time.

pets
@faltering_through pets

@berlioz @Emu
thanks guys that puts me at ease a little :>
i appreciate you two taking the time to type out a response, i was kinda nervous that no one would answer lol since a lot of the people who I knew aren't on here anymore
but yeah, thanks, I'll try to keep your answers in mind when I begin to doubt myself again, it was a big help ^^
i agreed with what the dude in the video had to say- i actually found it surprising cause i already do most of the tips he gave and I'm glad I haven't been too overbearing on her
i also really like his energy, he seems very cool :D

and i uh, i hope you guys have a good day, it was nice talking to you again Emi, it's really been a hot minute lmfao

fastfood
@tungsten fastfood

you're welcome mumu! just remember that you're valid and you'll always get support from me ^^

talking to you again Emi, it's really been a hot minute lmfao

yeah I left and came back which took longer than I expected? but it's good to be back and talk to you again too! dm me if you need anything :3

pets
@faltering_through pets

thanks, you've been a good friend from start to finish, I'm really glad i got to be a part of this community because i got to meet people like you :]

oooh yeah that's right, i remember you saying something like that in discord, glad you're back though !
and i will keep that in mind if i ever need anything in the future（*´▽｀*）

fastfood
@tungsten fastfood

I hope finish doesn't mean right now! i still consider myself your friend ^^

yeah I love being back and be able to hang out with old friends. and feel free to ask whenever, I have no life lmfao.

pets
@faltering_through pets

I KNEW YOU WERE GUNNA SAY THAT LMFAO but no i didn't mean it like that, just since I'm taking my leave again from notebook- though if you want we could still keep in touch? i could give you my phone number as i did to some of the people here
though if you can't that's totally alrighty too
and bruh what a mood, same

fastfood
@tungsten fastfood

STOP BUT YOU CANT SAY IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS ANXIOUS AND LIKES YOU IM SORRY
dude I'd love that! just DM it to me and I'll give you mine so you recognize me ^D^

pets
@faltering_through pets

jhduvgfgjhckbrgf IM SORRYYYYYY lmfaooo but awwwww i like you a lot too emii uwu
and okey ! sounds like a deal, gimme a sec then-

fastfood
@tungsten fastfood

jkrehjujerjujugtijrfi hehe okay uwu

person_off
Deleted user

My therapist: Yeah you're a textbook case of BPD and we're gonna give you therapy for it
Me: That's cool, can I have an official diagnosis?
My therapist: No :)

Wh– that's stupid?? Did they say why they weren't going to diagnose you?

person_off
Deleted user

My age, which is stupid because I put research into it and you can diagnose under 18
also, she herself told me that the shitty parts of BPD are the worst when you're a young adult/teen
SHE LITERALLY TOLD ME "If you came to me with all of these symptoms and you were 25, I'd give you a diagnosis"

Bruhhhh that's even more stupid :/

person_off
Deleted user

Tho I'm getting a new psychiatrist so maybe she can diagnose me? Idk

Well gl, I just got ~chewed out for an hour by my parents for trying to explain to them why I'm like 90% sure I have ADHD~

In completely unrelated news, this song hits different after you just cried for forty-five minutes straight

group

that might be a good idea. and that's weird cuz my girlfriend is probably younger than you and she has bpd?? like- diagnosed, so i guess it just depends on who your doctor is.

person_off
Deleted user

i think they can diagnose you as a minor if bpd is common in your family since it can be hereditary.

eco
@ClownB*tch eco

this person the other day told me that mental illness cant run in families and i was like bitch what-

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@Becfromthedead group

Love how that guy just fucking left the club without us having to even issue the suspension and left a really guilt-trippy goodbye on the server, that was absolutely not very much directed at me for yknow, standing my ground.
Like god, what a piece of shit. At least he's gone though.
But yeah, here's the message:
"Good evening everyone. With sadness, I am announcing that I am leaving [this club]. It is regrettable how events have transpired, yet I feel few are attempting to actually bridge over the situation; more are content to deepen the gash and make me feel more hurt over a misunderstanding. Furthermore, I feel my presence is merely tolerated rather than most seeing me as a friend on equal terms. Some are quick to jump to conclusions with my messages and I continue to feel venom, especially after one of you said "we've seen it in you". I guess nothing can be done to change that. Thanks for the over two years of memories, I am truly grateful and have had a spectacular time. Some of you have my contacts, and am more than happy to return, but only if I am welcomed back, not dragged to court. I wish you all nothing but the best."

Like come on, man. It wasn't a misunderstanding. You made a gross and insensitive joke, you got consequences.
And I'm pretty sure the "we've seen it in you" was a weird misquote of me telling him he's acted like this before, but this was a more extreme manifestation? Of me saying I've seen how others react when he says some things or acts a certain way towards others, and it's with nothing other than discomfort.
I mean, go off and cry, pissbaby. You deserve to feel as disgusting as you made me and others feel ✌